Normally I write my birthday blogs on the day of my birthday but I was busy yesterday and then last night I was drunk. I suppose I could of wrote something while I was drunk, that could of been somewhat entertaining and amusing. I wanted the blog to actually make a little bit of sense, do my blogs make sense at all though? Or is it just me rambling on about life? I don't know but lets talk about the beginning of my 35th year of life.

My birthday started off on a rocky note thanks to my own personal demons. Jealousy is a bitch. It is going to happen though. At least I'll sit here and admit it. First step to working through your issues is admitting that they exist, right? Anyways I am working through it and I worked through it at the time and all is alright for now. No need to really go over this again.

Despite my gout still effecting me I decided to go for a walk to begin my birthday. I am not entirely sure if that was a good or a bad idea. My foot hurt like hell afterwards but when I used ice my foot felt fine and it felt ok for the rest of the day. Glad that my foot problems didn't put a damper on my day at all.

I went to see the new Captain America movie. I was debating if I should go to the movies or not and then said to myself "dude, it is your birthday, you are allowed to go out and enjoy yourself". So I did. Let me say that it was a gorgeous day outside yesterday. I had the windows opened in the car and I was blasting Metallica. I got to the theater and I told the lady what I wanted to see and she gave me a ticket to see Brick Mansions. Um hello, I said Captain America. So since I am such a bad ass I still went to see Captain America despite the fact that I did not actually have a ticket to see it. Oh such a rebel Nick! The movie was really good. To be totally honest I don't even remember the first movie all too well but this one was definitely worth it.

After the movie I decided to go to the cemetery to visit my mom. I felt like I should go see her on my birthday. There is this cross that she gave me for I think it was either Christmas or my birthday and it was one of the last gifts I received from her so it is something that has a significant meaning to me. I often take it with me while traveling. I almost feel like it is some sort of protection and remembrance that she is always watching over me. I don't usually wear it, I will take it with me though when I go places. I was carrying it with me yesterday. So I went to see her yesterday and of course I was getting all teary eyed talking to her. To be honest I talk to her all the time but seeing her grave does bring about a flood of emotions. I talked for a little bit about life and then went on my way home.

My sister Cindy and I decided to go out to Applebees for a birthday dinner. She took me out for dinner. She gave me this really cute card that plays music. It is a cat holding a guitar doing happy birthday. Super cute. Dinner was great. We both had 12 oz sirloin steak with grilled shrimp. Was very good. I would of had my usual mudslide but I had to drive, besides the drinking came later, I'll mention more about that later. It was my choice where I wanted to go out to eat and I had a ton of choices but I've always loved Applebees. Was not disappointed.

Afterwards I went back to my sister's house and hung out for awhile. It was still nice enough to sit outside and blast music. Was really a beautiful day and night. We talked about the old days, music, and other random shit like we always do. She brought out a photo album of old pictures. I was in a few of them. There is one of me standing next to one of my brother's friends whom is wearing a Darth Vader costume. Pretty bad ass. I will have to get some of these on facebook soon. A comment was made at one point during the night about the weather and how perfect the day was and that comment was "God is shining down upon you on your day". Indeed, he was.

I got home and continued the birthday celebration by spending the night playing WoW with my friend Amanda and getting plastered. I am fine today, no hangover. I am tired but hell it was worth it. I am such a lightweight now a days. Doesn't take a lot to get me drunk. Thats good though. I don't need to put the amount of liquor into my body like I was doing years ago. I had fun though. Don't think I really did anything stupid, of course I may not remember it. I just remember randomly dying on my priest a lot last night cause I kinda just didn't care.

Overall it was the best birthday in a long time. I overcame a rocky start to it and it ended up being a great day. Lots of birthday love from friends on facebook and hell even some random people, like my sister's co-workers. Really meant a lot to me. Some people did go out of their way to wish me happy birthday on numerous occasions and that was awesome. I really do have some amazing people in my life. Couldn't of asked for a better day.

So I am at that point in my blog where I usually reflect on the past year and give some sort of theme as to what I want to do in the next year. I've dealt with some of my inner demons resurfacing like negativity and jealousy coming out. I think I can control it pretty well. I mean if anything I can come to my blog and tell myself "hey man, chill the fuck out". I've become a bit more independent. After years of people carting my ass around to drive me places, it is so nice to finally step up and do so on my own. I am sorry to anyone that I've made cart me around all over the place. I love driving and I hope at some point I can plan out some type of road trip. I'd really love to go out west. I've also learned how to feel again in the past year. It is not a bad thing but it is taking some getting use to as I did kinda shut off the feelings for awhile there. All things considered I think I am doing ok with the inner demons. I like the to think that things are only as bad as you let them be so I going to try to continue with that theme.

What do I have planned for the next year? I don't reveal all of my plans. I've been criticized and made to feel like shit in the past when I don't go through with something. Trust me when I say that the best is yet to come. That is my theme for the next year. It can really mean anything to be honest. Me helping out people more, me writing more, maybe me writing a short stories or a series of short stories, etc. The possibilities are endless of what might change in the next year. It is rather exciting to not know for sure what I am going to come up with in the next year. It is going to be great though, I just know it will be. I will say this, I feel like I am at my best when helping others or I am writing. When helping others in the past I've had a tenancy to throw it back in their face, "well I did this for you what are you doing to do for me?". I don't do that anymore. When I help someone it is because I like knowing that I've made somewhat of a difference or impact in someone's life. Whether it be in small ways or in a big way. So that is my focus for the next year along with stuff that I will not mention now.

So happy birthday to me! Enjoy the rest of your birthday weekend, you do deserve it.


Chinese food? Yes please!

I actually started this blog last night but decided that sleep sounded like a better idea. It was a better idea. Think I slept for like seven hours totally. I don't even remember what I was writing about cause I totally scrapped the blog but I have plenty to say so here I go.

Gout is still bothering me a bit. Today was the first time since Saturday that I put on shoes and walked outside. Putting on a shoe though, ouch! It is not as bad though as it was over the past week but still it is an annoyance. It was also nice to be outside again. Been awhile. Be nice if I could of done so without needing the winter jacket but hey this is typical Wisconsin spring weather.

Got my haircut today. Its been awhile since I had it cut. I had a mini afro going on. I just would wear one of my beanie caps wherever I went. I didn't reshave my head. I decided that I am going to go for the classic Nick look. Shaved sides and spiky hair. Yes I was told that I should grow my hair out. Damn it Nick, what did I tell you about listening to people! Don't do it!

Birthday is tomorrow. Yes celebration time! I shall go out around town in search for midgets and redheads. Ok not really. I do have a few things planned. Nothing overly exciting. Was hoping to go to the zoo this weekend but the weather looks like it is going to be shitty with the exception of my birthday. Thats good though, the most important day of the year should have decent weather. To be honest, my birthday should be considered a national holiday. Ha, right Nick! I do have a birthday blog planned for tomorrow though. I do this every year. I must think of awesome stuff to say.

So I forgot about some big news. My friends Kenny and Mary are eventually getting married. They met online through me. Mary moved back to Florida after getting out of jail and they started dating. Mind you I've known Mary about 13 years and Kenny for about 5 years or so, I've never actually met either of them in real life. Mary is one of my closest friends, and knows more about me then a lot of people do. Anyways, Kenny asked me to be his best man. I agreed. I should of warned him that half of the weddings I've been to lately end up in a divorce. Nah they will be fine. I am happy to be a part of it. Plus I get to go back to Florida for a little bit. I miss it there, well kinda.

Pre-birthday dinner for me tonight is Chinese food. Yes! I love fried rice. In fact I want to marry a Chinese woman just so I can be like "bitch go make me some fried rice". Most guys would say the key to his heart is by showing him boobs, I would have to say the key to my heart is by making me some fried rice. I'm totally kidding btw, geez people don't take me too seriously.

And that is all for now.


How to be a gm

When running a guild on WoW there are a few things that every guild master should know and should do their best to follow them. Since I've played the role of gm in various different games I have lots of experience. Recently however I was schooled on how to run a guild properly. Apparently I've been doing it wrong for years. I will share with you all about what I have learned.

Step 1: Practice Makes Perfect: Any great gm should be a stripper in real life. Get a stripper pole installed in your house and make sure you have it in front of the webcam so you can do shows over the internet for your current officers and anyone else you are trying to get to help you with your guild. What is more helpful is if you make a recruitment video and include some video of you on the stripper pole. This certainly helps if you are a female gm, but don’t leave anyone out! I am sure some ladies and gay men would like to see a man dancing around on a stripper pole too. If you think it is necessary then prostitution is another option. Now, some of your guildies could end up becoming attached to you if you choose to be a prostitute and too many attachments can cause issues.

Step 2: Guild Name. Your guild name MUST be an acronym. The more retarded the better. I won't use any specific examples of a retarded name but one we had come up with was DSP. Dirty Stripper Porn. The name totally goes along with the fact that you, as the gm, are a stripper an most likely a whore. So why not give it a name that is closely related to what you do?

Step 3: Finding a co-gm. Usually someone that you think you are close to. They are pretty knowledgeable about the game and they will work their ass off running the guild for you because frankly, running a guild sucks. All you really want to do is log on and pvp, but you want to have the power of the gm title, so you make everyone else do the work. In time, you will be jealous of your co-gm because everyone always loves the co-gm more. Your jealousy will eat you up. You will think of an elaborate plan in hopes that one day your co-gm gets sick of things and ends up going off and starting their own guild.

Step 4: Plot. Before the co-gm leaves, a number of things MUST happen. While he/she is trying to do the best they can to help run the guild, you must stop them at every turn. Remember, you are the one with the power, they are insignificant to you. They will suggest a ton of things that should be done in the guild, but you need to ignore it (pretend to ignore this, you will need it later in step 7). They ultimately just want to take over the guild so be sure to stand strong and reject everything. They will suggest new officers for the guild, DO NOT take their suggestions seriously, because the only reason they are suggesting said person is because they have feelings for them. You don't want a co-gm that is falling for one of your fellow guild members and no longer trying to work with you, because, let’s face it, it’s not like you are listening to them anyway… right? While all this is happening, make sure you have your next co-gm picked out. This is the one that you can relate to, the one you specifically recruited with your videos (Step 1 in being a GM). Because of your recruitment efforts, they will be loyal to you because they are hoping for a private show one day. This co-GM should be someone who is high all the time and just doesn't really know what is going on, ever. Remember, you really do not like the original choice for co-gm. Must get them to leave AT ALL COSTS!

Step 5: The Struggle: Your guild may struggle for a bit but there are ways you can help people out. First off, never log on ventrilo. If you log on there then you could be attacked or asked questions that frankly you don't have the time to answer, hell you may not even have an answer at all, but you don’t want to admit that to anyone, you need time for excuses. Remember, all you want to do is pvp and forget about running a guild, you don't have time for bullshit that really does not matter. Unless it has something to do with pvp, pot, stripping or prostitution, it doesn’t concern you. Hand out lots of gold to other guild members from your own bank, NOT the guild bank. People love being handed gold, who cares if they need help running stuff for gear or maybe they need someone to make them a piece of particular gear, gold will solve all the problems. Then you need to boast about how you have helped everyone out so much by handing out nothing but gold. It helps to have a lot of gold in the game. I suggest selling your stripper shows for gold.

Step 6: Betrayal. One thing you must do that may totally work for getting rid of your co-gm is inviting someone back to the guild whom they have had issues with. Pay close attention to who your co-gm complains about and take note if the person they complain about ever leaves the guild or gets kicked from the guild by your co-gm. Make sure you befriend this person THIS IS A MUST for success. You are a little bit upset that this person left or has to leave the guild. Remember to stay in contact with this person. You may need them at some point to rejoin the guild to set the wheels in motion to get the co-gm to leave.

Step 7: Implementing anything the old co-gm suggested. This next one is important. When the asshole co-gm, that everyone loves, leaves, start doing everything that he/she suggested. When I say everything I totally mean EVERYTHING. Everything that he/she suggested was right, but you wanted that person out of the guild. Now it is time to put all together and you have to TAKE FULL CREDIT for all the ideas. Add more officers so you can focus your attention on stripping, prostitution and pvping. Make sure you promote people that you talked shit about behind their backs. You MUST gain their trust, if it ever comes out that shit was talked they won't believe it because you are so awesome to them (Step 5 handing out your own gold helps with this).

Step 8: Friendships: Some close friends of your ex co-gm will probably still be in the guild. Make sure that you remove the one that is closest to the ex co-gm, but don't tell them about it first. If they ask about it, just say “we figured you were going to leave anyways.” As to the other friends you did not remove, expect them to stay because you are now going to be the BEST raiding guild on the server… Oh and regardless of how the co-gm left the guild or anything that has been said, you need to put that person on block IMMEDIATELY! Make sure to remove them from Facebook as well as the people you removed from guild, but keep the ex co-gm’s friends on the page, they are still part of your guild… for now.... DO NOT remove your former co-gm from your guild webpage, frankly forget about that page, you haven’t logged on it in 5 months anyways. 

Step 9: Accusations. When the co-gm leaves the guild, he/she may go out quietly. Don't believe this. They are plotting against you and will befriend and poach your members (remember, the ones left in Step 8). Put a stop to the poaching at all costs. Lie if you have to. Make sure your guildies know that this person left because of reasons that were untrue. Use the fact that you wouldn't make someone that they are close to an officer. “Yeah that is the real reason why they left, their feelings were hurt.” Make sure you tell everyone to watch out for poaching (again the friends left in Step 8). When the friends of the former co-gm leave… TAKE IT TO THE FORUMS! Tell everyone that the new guild is “poaching” their own friends (some real life friends) from your guild. Also, make sure you talk to everybody that leaves. You need to know why they left and then warn them that the GM (your former co-gm) is a two faced backstabber, even though you spent most your time talking shit about the person you are warning. Insult the ex co-gm AT ALL COSTS. People won't go to that guild if you insult them and insist that they two faced. Make sure that you also have a few people spy and/or put characters in that guild. They are going to have to befriend your enemy, but you need all the information that you can on how that guild is running and who is in the guild. The more info you have the better.

Step 10: The Finishing Touches: Schedule 2-3 raids a week. You are a raiding guild now, you can’t be caught dead in LFR. Get 15-19 of your guildies (the people you have spent the better part of 3 months talking shit about) and hop into Flex 1, all 3 days, eventually you will down something… Right? Move on to flex 2, all 3 days… one day you will get down the 3rd boss… Maybe?  then Flex 3… 2.5 hours on the first boss… he went down... eventually… This is when you need to set up your DKP (Dragon Kill Points, or points towards gear upgrades) because, well, you need to be prepared, even though Flex is on a roll system with random loot per person. OH! and new raid rules, you need those too… but I can go over that in another post later.  

Now that you have done all of this you are ready to run a successful, hardcore, raiding guild.

You’re welcome. I am here all week for advise.


Zombie Jesus Day!

Happy Zombie Jesus day! Oh sorry, it technically is called Easter. So happy Easter! What a sucky day it has been. Health wise at least, mood wise I can't complain all too much I suppose. Being in a somewhat decent mood kinda just makes everything better despite the fact that I am in pain at the moment.

My gout has been acting up a lot more today. Really sucks. I am walking funny. Maybe this is what I get for laughing at people who are walking funny for various reasons. Wait, I don't do that! I am not an asshole. The fact that I live upstairs makes things more difficult. But I am managing the best I can. At least my mood is keeping my mind off of the pain for the most part.

This gout stuff started for me a long time ago...in a galaxy far far away, cue the Star Wars music. Sorry. Back in the summer of 06 I was going to have the house to myself for an entire week. My father was going out to Utah with my sisters. This was my first bout with gout, that I can remember at least. I got the double whammy though. I had it in both of my big toes. Yeah, it sucked. Really sucked. I was taking care of the house by myself and I literally could not walk at all. I survived though, obviously, or I wouldn't be writing this blog now. Wait, am I really writing this. Maybe it is my ghost telling someone else what to write. Again, don't mind me. Good mood and weird mood.

We were suppose to go by my brother's house for Easter but that didn't work out. I can't walk straight and my father is well being my father. He hasn't really been feeling all too great either. He is just getting over a gout flair up and he just overall is not feeling right. He thinks he has a urinary tract infection. Poor guy, it is always something with him. It was such a beautiful day outside today too. It was in the 70s and I couldn't enjoy it cause of my stupid gout problem. Oh well. Nicer days are coming up I suppose, right? We decided to heat up the stuffed shells that we had sitting in the basement for our dinner tonight. Then my sister Kathy brings over a bunch of food from my brother's house. So I had stuffed shells, couple of polish sausage, piece of ham, and a deviled egg. Yeah great combo Nick. Seriously dude stop eating like shit. Oh don't worry, I am going to start that soon. Walking was the first step, changing my eating habits again is the next one. Wasn't a total washout of Easter considering all that is going on. Still had some good food.

I've been struggling this month with things but I think I am getting a better grip on it. Just gotta keep at it and keep moving forward. Looking back and thinking negative just does no good. Things aren't perfect in my life but they aren't bad and I have some really awesome people in my life that I know would do anything for me. That in itself is a good feeling. My birthday is coming up at the end of the week, I should make this week, a week long celebration of my life. Celebrate the Nick. He may not be perfect, he may be an asshole at times, but he has a good heart and is loving and caring and most of all he is one awesome motherfucker. I think I deserve a week long celebration. Who wants to disagree with me on that?


The downward spiral

The downward spiral. This month has been a mixed bunch of feelings, jealousy, depression, etc and finally I think it is time to let it all out. Please know that as I write this I am actually ok, other then this stupid gout that is acting up at the moment. True story, my gout hasn't acted up for years and yesterday my father said his gout was acting up and I said that I was glad mine hasn't acted up in a long time. This morning I wake up and my big toe on my right foot is hurting. Great Nick. Have you not learned to keep your mouth shut? Did you not learn anything from the hurricane thing while you were living in Florida? Nope, apparently not.

So I am or I should say I have been in a stage of depression this month. A lot of things have just been going on and I've had issues handling it. While for the most part I've handled negativity and depression pretty well the past couple of years I am bound to crack. A lot of it is coming from frustrations with running a guild on WoW. I shouldn't be surprised, I mean I have gone through this shit before. I rely on certain people only to be let down time and time again. If I didn't have such an awesome co-gm I probably would of said fuck it by now but I stick with it cause truth is I love running a guild and having people look to me as to what to do. With that responsibility comes stress. I wouldn't change a thing other then wishing that people would be, you know a little less retarded maybe?

I am not sure why but I been flash-backing to my sister and her death almost five years ago. Around my 30th birthday I was in a state of depression and I honestly didn't know if I was ever going to get out of it. I'll be honest and say that I had thought about suicide. In reality who hasn't thought about it at least once or twice in their life? I just want my readers to know that just cause I mention that word does not mean I would ever do that. Honestly as much as I may feel like life is kicking my ass and knocking me down I do know a lot of my own issues are my own doing and the only one who can change that is myself. I still ask myself the what if questions to this day but the difference is from now to then was despite my flaws and all this other shit that I say I am going to do and never get accomplished, I know I have so much to live for and I can still accomplish so much. More effort Nick, all you need is a little bit more effort. It is there somewhere inside you. Make a difference. But yeah been thinking bout my sister and what happened to her almost five years ago. I'm not going to pretend to know what she was going through and I am not going to call her stupid for what she did. People who are depressed and suicidal, yeah some of them just want some attention or someone to love them but honestly the majority of them are in pain. Pain that no one else but them can feel. it is hard to describe at times to someone how much depression actually hurts. Some people just can not understand what it is like to feel like you are in constant pain and sometimes people, to make the pain go away take their own life. Does it make it right? No it doesn't. The people left behind are left to pick up the pieces after a loved one takes their own life and its not easy. To a point I understand why some people do end their own lifes. I will never agree with it though. Understanding something does not always mean you agree with it.

Jealousy. Since I have had a lot on my mind and things bleed into something else I've been dealing with a bit of jealousy. I am a really jealous person. I hate it. Seriously I really hate the way I act sometimes. Although I may not be as bad as I was, I still hate being jealous. A lot of this of course is around my co-gm, whom I talked about in the last blog. Lets just skip all the details here though. She is a talkative person and she talks to people all the time. Other guys included and naturally I go into what I will call "rawr mode". Not sure why I call it rawr mode, maybe I am just trying to poke fun at myself. Again I haven't really I guess been as terrible as I use to be, I'd also really rather not get into some my old stories about that, it is really just bad. I actually had a conversation about all of this with her yesterday. I couldn't just keep on going with how I've been feeling and not say something at least. I'm just a jealous person, I'm working on it the best I can. I am thinking about it though and I talk to a lot of females myself. Majority of some of my closest friends are females. So how does it look if I get jealous about her talking to other guys when I am talking to other females all the time? I look like a douche. I guess in a way jealousy shows you really care about someone, well I think at least. Am I wrong on this? Anyways I am working on it. I have insecurities about myself and low self esteem so yeah jealousy is going to come easy for me. At least I admit I have an issue.

I'll end this blog the way I started by saying I am actually fine atm. Instead of trying to run away from all this and just hoping it goes away I decided to face them head on by first talking to someone really important to me about stuff and now this blog. I am still a firm believer in life is only as hard as you let it be and I've been letting it be a pain in the ass and that needs to stop and needs to stop now. If I say to myself that it is all uphill from now then I am going to be a believer that it is all uphill from here on out. Oh and be ready for some of my blogs coming up, they are going to be good ones.

About a girl

I know I talk about WoW quite a bit, but there is one thing that I have not really talked about and that is why my co-gm of my guild is my co-gm. I figured this would make for a good story, actually I was told I should write this so here I am.

Every so often someone comes into your life and makes an immediate impact and you put them in a special place in your heart. You find yourself wanting to talk to them all the time, or hang out with them, and you want to know what is going on in their life, the good and the bad. Seeing as how I did not ask her permission to use her name I won't use it, although I believe her name is mentioned somewhere in one of my previous blogs. People who actually know me or who are in my guild know exactly who I am talking about so its not like I am totally trying to hide.

Back in December I was on the verge of leaving the game. I had grown bored of the game and just generally unhappy with the direction of my guild. Then she came into the guild. We didn't really start talking right away but we had a few conversations. It wasn't until I made a post on the guild facebook group that we began to talk a bit more. She seemed like a pretty cool chick so I decided that I am stick around in the game just to see what happens. We had this whole Christmas party/present giveaway thing we were doing and I rigged it a bit so she could get one of the cooler gifts. I didn't want her to get something lame. Such a sweet guy I am.

Over time we started hanging out and talking on a regular basis. We had this fake bickering thing going on in guild chat where we would go back and forth about how we hated each other. Which prompted people to say things like oh just be a couple already, get married already, etc. We totally would both laugh it off. Btw, few months later and people still make their little comments. More recently one of the females in our guild acted surprised when I told her that we weren't a couple cause it seemed like we were. Anyways besides the bickering thing we both constantly would troll each other by trying to get each other killed. I am pretty sure I started this one. I took her out to the middle of nowhere on a flying mount and dropped us both to our death. She of course got her revenge on me by doing the same thing and then I retaliate by thinking of new creative ways to kill her in the game.

Of course I developed feelings for her. I can be pretty obvious too when I am feeling something for someone. It was not something that I had planned on. It happened. In the past few years I kinda shut myself off from feeling anything for anyone. Sure there has been a few interests here and there but I never really got too emotionally involved. Things have changed. I allowed myself to feel again. I've been pretty honest with her about how I feel too. Normally I tend to keep a lot of that stuff to myself cause I am afraid of being hurt and I am afraid of rejection but I've been honest with her about it. I know it sounds silly to some people. How can you fall for someone over the internet? How can you fall for someone you've never met? How can you fall for someone on WoW? These things happen more often then people realize. It is fairly easy to develop an emotional attachment and attraction to someone you've been talking to online. She really is an amazing person. Both of us have been through a lot of shit in our life so it is nice to just have someone that I can talk to without having to worry bout them judging me. I wish there was more I could do for her when she is going through her shit. I'd totally be the one to hold her and let her cry on my shoulder if she needed it.

I'm painting too much of a perfect picture scenario here. I think everyone knows that nothing in life is ever perfect and easy. She does not live in the same state as me and besides that it is really kinda complicated. I wouldn't change anything bout how I feel though. Its there and hey while it may not be perfect it doesn't mean that it doesn't feel right. I realize the reality of the situation and I am happy out of all of this I have met an amazing friend. Would it be great if things might be different? Of course it would but I have to be realistic and there is a good chance that things may not be different then what they are now. If anything I have met someone who will forever hold a special place in my heart, unless of course she ends up shooting me. Inside joke, she would understand it.

So I don't know if I ever really went over why she is my co-gm. I went over me having feelings for her and whatnot. She is my co-gm not only because of our friendship but the fact that the two of us are very similar and think alike. Oh and we are assholes. We like to take people into raids just for the sole purpose of getting them killed for our own amusement. Yeah we are evil but its so much fun. When I started my new guild I didn't have to think twice about making her my co-gm.

I said we think alike a lot of the time. Well it is downright freaky at times to be honest. While I've had people that I've been talking to think something similar to me, it just never happens on a daily basis. Well with her it happens almost daily. Most of the time it will be us on facebook chat typing something and when we both hit send it is basically the same exact thing. Sometimes it is word for word too. I think I've answered a few of her questions to me before she even sent me the question or one of us asks a question or says something and we would be like hey I was just going to say that. This is just not a one time thing, it happens all the time! I've told her that she scares me and needs to get out of my head.

With all those things how can I not have her as my co-gm? We think alike, we are great friends, we like to fuck with people, etc. I couldn't possibly think of anyone better to help me run the guild. I know people might think since there are feelings involved that it could spell disaster in the future but I guess my response to that would be that I will do my best to never let that happen. It may very well happen at some point in the future. Am I going to worry about it? Not at all. I am going to continue to do what I am doing and I am going to have fun in the process. Since she came into my life the game is once again fun for me. As long as the game is fun and I am having fun all is well.


Easily distracted

Spring in Wisconsin is always a mixed bag. For the most part it is cool because the lake is still cold and we get winds off the lake. Lake Michigan was almost entirely frozen over so it is going to be awhile before the lake warms up. Mother Nature always throws us for a loop anyways without the help of the lake. One day it can be in the 60s and less then 24 hours later we are dealing with snow. That is what almost happened in the past few days.

During the middle of the night last night there was an eclipse of the moon and it turned the moon red. Oh no, the world is coming to an end! I am rather surprised that I didn't hear more about how the world is coming to an end in the days leading up to the blood moon. I said something on my facebook about how the world wasn't going to end anyways cause I made a deal with God that the world couldn't end until I had sex again and that would probably be at least another 50 years. At least I have a sense of humor. Man if I didn't have a sense of humor life would suck really bad. Anyways, the blood moon, it was really cold outside at 2am. 67 degrees a few days ago to the 20s last night with a wind chill in the teens. I didn't stay outside long to see the moon. It was cool though. Then of course I realized I could see the moon just fine from my windows upstairs. Good job Nick, you could of avoided the cold.

Next few weekends for me are going to be busy. This weekend is Easter weekend, the following weekend is my birthday weekend and my nephew's communion, and then the weekend after that I am going to  a wedding. I need a date for the wedding. Anyone wanna go with me? Oh come on, I will be a perfect gentleman! Oh and add in that one of those weekends I also want to go to the zoo. Actually most weekends from now on, as long as the weather is nice, will be busy for me. Fire pits and music will be the majority of my Saturday nights.

Two hours later and I am still trying to write this blog. What can I say? I am easily distracted at the moment by random things. Maybe it is just a sign that I am just not with it today to write a blog. So with that I think I will end the blog and post what I have. Fear not I will be back soon with something else to talk about, I do have a whole list of crap in front of me


The green ring

Weird dream the other night. I honestly don't remember anything about it except for this one part of the dream. For whatever reason I was sitting by this bar area in a fancy restaurant. I had done something to piss off the owner and my punishment was to go by the bar and drink. I don't see how that is punishment, hell I'll take a free drink right now! Anyways I am sitting at this table with a friend, I assume this person is a friend although I am unsure at this point as to whom the hell this person was. Anyways this cute waitress comes by and looks at my hand and says nice ring. I look at my hand and I am wearing this green colored ring. Also I have this tribal looking tattoo going down my arm. I tell her thanks and then I am thinking to myself in the dream how I have all of this stuff cause I don't have any of this. That is when I wake up.

I figured I'd take the time to look up some of this stuff that happened in the dream and incorporate it into my blog. First the meaning of a tattoo. To dream that you have tattoos represent your sense of individuality and the desire to stand out in a crowd. You want to be unique and different from everybody else, particularly if you do not have any tattoos in real life. Consider also what the tattoo is and what significance it has in your life. It may represent something that has left a lasting impression on you. Alternatively, to dream that you have a tattoo suggests that a waking situation or decision is having a much longer lasting effect that you had expected.

So lets look up the whole restaurant thing. To dream that you are in a restaurant suggests that you are feeling overwhelmed by decisions and choices that you need to make in your life. Alternatively, it indicates that you are seeking for emotional nourishment outside of your social support system.

Wow, well that one makes total sense to me right now. I've been feeling like that for the past few weeks.

Now the color green cause that color totally stood out on the ring. Green signifies a positive change, good health, growth, fertility, healing, hope, vigor, vitality, peace, and serenity. The appearance of the color may also be a way of telling you to "go ahead".  Alternatively, green is a metaphor for a lack of experience in some task. 

Most importantly the ring. To see or receive a ring in your dream symbolizes emotional wholeness, continuity, commitments and honor. If the ring is on your finger, then it signifies your commitment to a relationship or to a new endeavor. You are loyal to your ideals, responsibilities, or beliefs.

Interesting stuff. Can I determine a meaning behind what I saw in this dream? Analyzing a dream isn't an exact science. A lot of what we come up with is personal opinions. I've been analyzing my dreams for years though and when I piece things together I usually am right with a particular meaning. So I'll see what I can come up with here for myself.

Ok so the basis of the dream is I am feeling overwhelmed by decisions I need to make or changes I need to make in my life. I get punished for my actions in my dream and I think the reason why I'm being punished is because in my life I stall a lot with things I want to do or making changes and basically my mind is telling me to cut that shit out and get a move on with what it is that you want to do. I didn't include a definition for punishment and this is what it says, "to dream that you are punished signifies guilt or shame about your actions. You need to learn to forgive yourself. Are you punishing yourself?". See, makes total sense to me. Although the basis of the dream is me being overwhelmed by my own issues there are signs for hope. It is a desire of myself to stand out to people, to make a difference and get noticed. No I am not talking about being famous, I am more speaking along the lines of being someone who does something that is worthwhile whether it be writing, or music, or something else. I want to stand out and I want to be unique. That is where the tattoo comes into play in the dream.

Now the green ring. This is a sign of hope within all the emotions and all the other shit going on in my life. Basically what it comes down to is if I can get past my own bullshit, fear of changing or feeling overwhelmed, then life is going to end up being good for me. It also said in the definition that the appearance of the color could be a way of telling me to go ahead. Then looking at the part where it says if the ring is on your finger it signifies your commitment to a relationship or a new endeavor. Basically I am being given the green light to do whatever it is that I want. So like I said if I can overcome all the bullshit that I've been going through lately I will be good to go on whatever it is I want to do.

With all of that being said, change is coming.


Question things!

I've talked about WoW and I've talked about walking. What other things are going on in the life of Nick? Surely that can't be it? Can it? Of course not. I am Nick. I always have stuff to share.

On Saturday I went to see the movie Noah with my sister. I liked the movie. I thought it was a different take on the whole Noah story. A lot of people are bitching and complaining bout it cause it doesn't follow the bible directly and they swear Noah was not like that at all. I'd like to know how people actually know this? Were you around back in the day when all of this shit went down? I doubt it. I'm not saying stuff in the bible is false but I think people need to question things more instead of just reading something and accepting it for what it is. There is nothing wrong with questioning things. Just because it is written a certain way doesn't mean that it totally went down that way. How many times has the bible been rewritten over the years? How many different versions are there? I bet over the years the stories changed. People it is ok to question things. Anyways I thought the movie was good. If you are going to see it though go in there with an open mind and not with this attitude of "oh my God, that is not how it happened in the bible!". What the movie drove home for me was the fact that everyone has good and evil in them and we choose which path we go. Even good people who have the best intentions in their heart still find themselves doing things that are wrong and that is just how life goes.

One of my favorite shows is now off the air. How I Met Your Mother ended last week Monday after 9 seasons. Yes I watched every single episode. The last season I didn't really care for until the very end. It dragged on too much and the entire season was over a course of 3 days for Barney and Robin's wedding. Lots of people are upset with how the show ended. I am not one of those people. I saw that ending coming. Spoiler alert for whomever hasn't seen it yet. Ted ends up with Robin. I knew this was going to happen a long time ago. I use to get so pissed after some of the episodes where Robin would reject Ted. How could people not know that Ted and Robin were going to end up together? The whole series was about Ted's on and off love for Robin. Even the  day of Barney and Robin's wedding, Robin was looking for a way out of it to be with Ted and Ted refused. Robin and Barney's marriage was doomed from the beginning. So I don't get how people didn't know Ted and Robin would end up together. Yeah for 9 seasons they built up how Ted met the kid's mother and it is disappointing that she got little airtime and all of a sudden she is dead. Didn't y'all expect it though, maybe? I mean the dude has been narrating to his kids about what went on, did anyone not think that he was telling the story to his kids for a reason? Like the mother was already dead? I am not disappointed in the ending of the show. It ended how I felt like it should end. On a side note, maybe someday I will meet my Robin.

So I am turning 35 in a few weeks.Ah fuck. Maybe that is part of this depression funk that I've been in. I don't really have anything planned at the moment for my birthday. Just another day. No Nick, it is not just another day! It is your birthday! You must celebrate somehow! Ha. With who or what? I was thinking of going to the zoo for my birthday or around my birthday. Could be fun if the weather is decent. If I go on the weekend I can probably at least get my sister to go with. I don't want to go to the zoo alone! Otherwise my birthday will probably consist of me drinking way too much and playing WoW.

I started this book called Seventh Son a long time ago. I never did finish it but it really did catch my attention. As a fan of Iron Maiden, their album Seventh Son of a Seventh Son is based off of this book, which is why I started to read it in the first place. Interesting story but since I haven't read it in awhile and I never finished it, I may just restart the book. Sitting outside and enjoying the nice weather while reading a book sounds relaxing.

So that is what has been going on with me. I didn't cover everything of course. If I did then what would I have to blog about later? Oh Nick I am sure you would come up with something anyways. After all you are Nick and despite your quiet and shy nature you always have a ton to say.

The Walking Nick

Back into walking mode again. You would think this makes for a happy Nick. Well yes and no. I haven't been feeling like myself lately but with that being said I think I am on the verge of turning that around. I just needed that little push from a certain someone. That someone being me.

So I started walking again sometime during the middle of March. Not perfect weather but it was good enough to get out and go. For the first few times that I was out there I had to deal with a lot of ice. I was dodging ice every morning while walking. The ice did not win though. Ha I beat the ice!

Weather has finally started to be a bit warmer on a continuous basis which makes me happy cause now I can go for walks basically every morning, well unless it rains of course. Now if it would stop looking like a barren wasteland outside with the trees looking all dead like with no leaves. Give it time Nick.

Best part about walking is it gets me to think and I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Usually April is one of my favorite months of the year and so far this month I've been fighting a bit of depression and stress. Self inflicted of course. I think way too much and I over analyze everything and I always come up with these scenarios for all situations in which usually end very badly. Hey I can't help it, I've been through a lot of shit over the years. At least I realize that I am my own worse enemy and if I want to defeat this shit I basically am going to have to defeat myself. Easier said then done but I can do it.

With the weather warming up it means another thing. I can set stuff on fire again! I dunno what it is about sitting in front of a fire pit for a few hours but for me it is very therapeutic. I can sit there for hours upon hours just watching the fire. Maybe I will be able to use the fire pit this week. Suppose to be in the 60s or close to it a few days. Totally could use a night for sitting in front of a fire.

I bet people thought this would be a blog about zombies. Ha! Fooled you all! Although at some point maybe I should finish the Face story that I started a long time ago. I dunno how many times I have said that recent months. Maybe one day I will actually just do it.

Ok that is all for now. Think I'll be back later with another blog. I am trying not to put all of what I want to say in one blog cause that would just turn into a mini novel. Plus three blogs in one day from me. Oh my God! So exciting, right?

Hey you guys!

I was told that I need to write more so despite the fact that it is after 1am here and I should be sleeping I feel like I'd rather write instead. Yes I know, it has been awhile. I have a lot to say of course and I don't think I am going to cover it all now or it will end up being a damn mini novel. So I'll try to be brief in getting y'all caught up on the latest happenings in my life.

Been on WoW a lot lately running my guild Team Splat. Ok, I have help running the guild. I don't want to make it sound like I am doing everything by myself cause I'm not. Things are going good. We started doing a few raids here and there. Little to no drama and if there is any drama it is behind the scenes or it is coming from that other guild that we left. We refer to this guild as snot.

Ok so a few weeks back I was on the snot website trying to leave the damn thing. Apparently I still had admin. I had joked around about how I could totally fuck up their shit if I wanted to. Not worth my time. Anyways, the website builder they use is a bit confusing. So when I tried to leave the group I accidentally rejected an application. Opps, no big deal right? No one uses the page anyways. Turns out it was the beginning of world war 3 when I clicked the wrong button. Within like ten minutes I was banned from the site. Thank you for that, all I wanted to do was leave it and you helped me out.

All was quiet until the next day. We put a recruitment post up on the Thrall fb group and it was fine at first then bam. Snot members came from nowhere. Apparently I am a backstabber, a liar, a douche bag, etc. Man just because I left to go do my own thing people think so highly of me. Regardless of what people may say or think I was unhappy for a long time. In fact I had planned on quitting after our Christmas party. I think I get the backstabber thing cause I held a lot of things that I didn't like in until the very end. It probably came out of nowhere. Anyways I admit I was an asshole and I was n asshole to certain people but I went through this in a previous blog. All we wanted to do was recruit and that went to shit quickly. It got worse.

Along comes this dude named Eric. He was accusing me of kicking him from the guild website. See maybe if he actually went to the website he would of seen that he was still a member of the website. What happened is when i rejected that one application apparently everyone's application got rejected even if they were a member of the website. Really silly if you ask me. Anyways he went on the attack and decided to say something bout me being in love with the a member of my guild. Lesson learned about confiding my feelings to someone I thought I could trust. I'm the backstabber though, right? Anyways, I won't deny that there are feelings for the person in question cause they are there. She knows this already. We've talked about it. She is a great friend and has become an important part of my life. That is where we stand. It is funny what people will try to use against you. After I pointed out how much of a retard he was cause he is still part of the guild website he decided to attack how I look. He was telling me that I look like Sloth from the Goonies. You know what? I'm not even mad about that. Sloth is fucking awesome. He is my idol. "Hey you guys!" Come on, who doesn't like Sloth? Compare me to Sloth all you want, I take that as a compliment.

It didn't end there. Friends of mine getting messaged to watch their backs and how I am a backstabber and this and that. Telling my friends to tell me to stay the fuck off their website. If I really wanted to fuck with your precious website that hadn't been used in two months I would of put a bunch of pictures of like dicks and put for a heading "this guild is run by a bunch of dicks". I left it alone. You know why? Cause I was trying to leave your stupid page! Oh and my old gm bitching bout how she was the one that came up with the word splat. Actually Stacey the word splat was not created by you. I am sure the word has been around for a really long time. Plus our guild name is Team Splat, not Splat. I don't ever intend on changing it cause I love the guild name. I am sorry you are stuck with HGTPW which stands for Hot Girls That Play WoW. Also this whole backstabbing/two-faced thing is getting old now. People act like I am the only one who ever was an asshole to people or talked shit about people. There was plenty of that going on with the other officers. I can at least admit some of the stuff that I said, can they?

Yep more WoW drama. Maybe my life is boring without some WoW drama added into the mix. Every time I say that I am moving on something else comes up. It has been quiet though for a little bit at least. I just hope it isn't the calm before the storm though.

I'd add more bout what else has been going on in my life but I will save that for the next blog which hopefully will be sooner then later. Until then word of advice. Stay off WoW. The more you stay off the game the less drama that you have to deal with.

Oh and I just reread the blog I had wrote about my old guild and in that blog I said I would never mention stuff bout my old guild again. Ha! Never say never apparently? As long as nothing else happens though I am done talking bout this situation.