Annie, are you ok?

"Annie, are you ok?
So, Annie are you ok
Are you ok, Annie"

Quoting a Michael Jackson song to begin a blog. I bet people didn't think I would ever do that. The other night I was bored and I started watching some MJ videos and I rediscovered how much I use to really like his music. Gotta remember that when I went through my heavy metal phase back in my high school years I pretty much stopped listening to everything that was none metal. I admit to being a big MJ fan when I was a kid. I even had an MJ doll, more on that later. This entire writing is inspired by the Smooth Criminal video and song.

Smooth Criminal. You know I never really liked the video until a few days ago. I think cause of the long middle part where they start basically having a big orgy, it just made the video too long for me. Ok so I know they are not having an orgy but hell maybe they should? Anyways, I decide to watch the video the other night and I decided the song and video are good. So good that now a few days later I am inspired to write about it, oh and I've listened to the song repeatedly too. When I go for my morning walks I find myself singing random songs. Now you all know what I've been singing this week. Probably a good thing I haven't ran into anyone named Annie while on my walks. That would probably make things a bit awkward. Funny but awkward.

Who the hell is Annie? When I was discussing the video with my friend Mary the other night, I was wondering who in the hell is Annie. Obviously in the song Annie is some chick who is gunned down and we assume she is dead. It does not tell us who she is and where did MJ get the idea to use some chick named Annie for the song. Still not entirely sure who Annie actually is. A lover of his, a friend, a love interest, etc. I don't think we ever really do find out, or maybe we do and I just can't read between the lines. I did find out some stuff about the name Annie though and why MJ used it in the song. Course you can't believe everything you read on the internet though so I'll take this with a grain of salt. Before the song was written MJ was taking cpr classes and the name of his doll was Annie. It is/was a common practice for cpr to ask your victim repeatedly if they are ok. The lines in the song dealing with Annie make perfect sense with this scenario. He was inspired by his cpr doll and class to write a song about his cpr doll, which was named Annie. Brilliant. I wouldn't of guessed that at all.

My future daughter Annie. I'm not saying that this is going to happen cause this requires a lot of things to happen so lets just be hypothetical for a moment. I think I mentioned in a previous blog that if I were to ever have a son that I would name him Gaylord. Why would I name him Gaylord? Cause I am an asshole. I would totally have fun with making fun of the name and I know other kids would make fun of the name too. Gaylord would probably get seriously depressed and probably kill himself. Did I just make a joke about a son of mine committing suicide? Maybe. Anyone who really knows me knows not to take me seriously though. Back to the name Annie. If I were to ever have a daughter I would name her Annie. Why? Do I even really need to explain this one? I would do it so I could fuck with her on a daily basis. I'd be singing "Annie, are you ok" to her all the time. Even if she responds to me with a yes or no, I'd continue to sing it. I'm playing this scenario in my head where I call her school up and I get them to ask for her on the intercom and I get them to say "Annie, are you ok" over the school intercom. Oh that would be awesome. I really truly am an asshole though and I am pretty sure if I ever do have kids that they will hate me.

Must recreate the Pepsi commercial incident. Back in the 80s MJ got burned during a Pepsi commercial. What people do not know is that someone I knew tried to recreate the incident with my MJ doll. Now mind you I was probably like 8 or so, I am not really too sure on the age, and I hung around with my brothers, sisters, and all their friends. One day out of boredom I suppose I let one of our friends take my MJ doll and set him on fire. Totally burnt his face. His face turned black. Then he burnt a hole in his chest too. Of course I thought it was the funniest thing ever. The Pepsi commercial incident was recreated!

A confession of sorts. I played with barbie dolls as a kid. There, I admit it! My sisters handed down barbie dolls to me and I played with them. However there is a twist to this story. See I've always been a bit of a pervert, you really need to watch out for those quiet ones. So um yeah I use to make my barbie dolls have sex with each other. Most of them were female barbie dolls so I had a collection of lesbian barbie dolls. To make it worse, I use to get my MJ doll in on the action too and he would have threesomes with the other dolls. The other barbie dolls did not want to share MJ though so they had chick fights all the time. I would cut their hair off and pretend that the chicks were getting into hair pulling shouting matches over MJ. Then I just carried on with the threesomes. I never said I didn't have issues. I also never said that I was normal. At least I didn't go around doing what other kids do now a days. So I had barbie dolls that had sex with each other? So what. I turned out just fine. Well actually, the jury is still out on that.

Years later I do still like his music. I don't listen to it all too often though. This week has been an exception. I even picked up my guitar and started playing the main riff to "Beat It". I blasted my amp for that one. Sounded awesome.

Can't believe I wrote an entire blog inspired by an MJ song. I guess this is just what I do though, I create.



I have reached the 250 mark for my blog. Lets celebrate! Technically I've written more then 250. Some blogs got deleted, like when I was doing the video blogs. They are all gone now. If you want to get really technical, I've written over 1000 blogs. My livejournal no longer exists though. I sorta regret getting rid of it now but some of the stuff I wrote about in there is really not worth remembering. Plus I was angry and pissed off, a lot of what I said in some of those entries could be used against me. So it is good that it is gone. Out with the past, right? Oh I wish it was that easy.

Weather is finally turning decent here. The other day we were up to 86 degrees. That was a bit too warm for me however. I live in the attic, well the upstairs use to be an attic back in the day, and attics get hot so you can only imagine how bad it can get up here. The majority of the summer I have my air conditioner going. I set that shit to a nice comfortable temperature. The only issue is my bed is in the other room and it does not get as cool as my computer room. I may some issues sleeping because of this. Normally during the summer I spent some time sleeping downstairs and some time sleeping upstairs. At least downstairs I can sleep underneath a ceiling fan, which is nice. I'm rambling on about air conditioners. Anyways, the weather here is perfect at the moment. If the weather can stay like this for the entire summer I'd be one happy Nick.

A weekend of fire therapy. It is Memorial Day weekend and well typically we don't do much for it but I have plans for the next two days. First off, as of right now unless plans change, I am going over by my sister's house tomorrow night for a fire. It will be her first one of the year. I always have fun over there. Then on Sunday we are having our first cookout of the year over here and I am bringing out the fire pit for Sunday night. I intend on setting lots of stuff on fire again. As far as the cookout, I am making brats, hot dogs, burgers, chicken that I intend on marinating in bbq sauce overnight, and a small steak for myself. Yep, always cook way too much food. It is the Kendzierski way. I have 4 tiki torches to put around the yard now. It will be a nice added touch to our night of fire therapy. Monday, which is actually Memorial Day, will be a day of doing absolutely nothing.

Plans plans plans. While I won't reveal much about some of the things upcoming in my life, I find it better to do this so people don't give me shit for not doing something later, I will say that I have a few things on my agenda. One of them is writing a spoof type story to the Noah movie. Basically Noah the Nick style. Be scared. Some of the ideas floating around in my head, well they might be stupid to some but to me they are rather amusing. I should also write a continuation to my Face story. I kinda left everyone hanging in part two and I know that I've said before that I was going to work on it and I haven't. I need to. Seriously, I already have a great way to end part three that amuses me just even thinking about it. Writing is an important aspect of my life and I am constantly told that I need to do more. I was told to start writing children's fables. Maybe I should? Could be fun. Other stuff is on my agenda and I figure that I may have a busy summer taking care of a few things. Y'all will know when I get stuff done cause I will come right to my blog with it.

Nothing too special with this blog. I basically just wanted to give a brief update on the happenings going on in my life. This upcoming weekend should be a good one. I will be spending a lot of time outside in front of a fire. Maybe that is just what I need to not only unstress myself but to get some creative juices flowing. Possibly even think about what it is I am going to do next. Wide open statement there, it could mean anything.


Goodbye 50%

Goodbye 50%, you did not last long. In fact, I think the whole 50% thing didn't even make it two full weeks. I think me losing my new raid leader may of been some of my fault. I didn't like some of the things that were going on so I voiced my opinion. Maybe I just suck at choosing officers and people to run the guild? Maybe I just need to go ahead and run these raids myself or with my co-gm? We were kinda doing that before and bosses were dying.

Raid leader is a shit job. Yes, being a raid leader is a shitty job. You have other people to control and tell what to do. Do people like listening and being told what to do? Fuck no. I don't even like being told what to do. I am stubborn and stuck in my ways. I've done the whole raid lead before and all I ever dealt with was whining and bitching about all sorts of stuff. At some point in my raid leading career, oh yes I did just refer to it was a job cause lets be honest here raid leading is sorta like a job, I started telling people that if they had any complaints, comments, or anything else to not bother me or the other raid leader during the raid and we would discuss it afterwards. You have to remember as a raid leader that you are not there to be everybody's friend, you are there to run a group of people in hopes that you down a raid boss. Same is applied to running a guild, don't try to be everybody's friend. Of course this does go against my "how to be a gm" blog.

There are some rewards to being a raid leader. When I was raid leading back in Cata I was co-running raids with one of the officers. I pretty much sat back and let him explain most of the stuff and then offered advice as the fights went on. Making adjustments, telling him what people are doing right or wrong, etc. We made a pretty good team. There was one raid boss that we just could not kill. We wiped on him a total of 81 times, which is a lot for one boss. All of us were getting frustrated by the time we got close to 80 times dying on him. I decided to do some research on the fight and discovered we may of been doing it wrong. On raid night I took over on that fight and explained a new stragedy to everyone. It took a couple of more tries but we did finally kill him. We had him on farm status for the next two months after that. Despite all the bitching, whining, wipes, etc there are some rewards to being a raid leader. When you finally kill a boss that has been plaguing your guild for awhile, it is a pretty good feeling.

Some people are just not cut out to raid lead. I think that is what happened here, maybe, or he just didn't like the guild. Even the most vocal and organized people are not cut out to do the raid lead shit. Remember what I said about not being everybody's friend? You can't be. Not if you want a raid to be successful. If someone is constantly fucking up or showing up with shit gemmed or enchanted wrong, or no flasks and other raid necessary materials, then you kick them in the ass and say ok I don't think you can take raiding seriously so until you do then your ass is on the bench. They may just thank you later on for being honest with them or they could rage quit. The mentality of a WoW player now a days is to get pissed off and rage quit. You as a raid leader are not there to baby people and hold their hands. They should know their shit prior to stepping into that raid. If they don't then they need to be informed that they are being replaced and explained why they are being replaced. Be honest with people. Don't bullshit your way through raid leading. Doesn't mean you have to be an asshole all the time, just be truthful. Also during raids you will get bombarded with people telling you what this person is doing and what that person is doing, the stragedy is wrong, etc. It is fine to listen to what they have to say and make changes that YOU think are necessary, but if people are constantly harassing you during a raid you tell them...look we will talk about this after the raid and then it will be decided if anything needs to be changed. You have to learn how to tune other people out and run things to the best of your knowledge and abilities.

Again I am not entirely sure what all transpired that caused my raid leader to up and leave but now it seems as if I will probably be taking over the ranks of raid leading with my co-gm. I was trying to avoid me running raids, maybe there is still an option out there for us, but for now it looks as if we will be doing it. I think we will be fine. We do make a good team after all.

My original intention wasn't to give "a how to guide on raid leading", it was more or less to poke fun at the whole 50% thing that I just blogged about. Course now my co-gm is saying that she could just go full lesbo to maintain the 50% in the guild. I think quite a few guys would be disappointed if she decided to go full lesbo, well I should retract some of that statement cause lesbos are awesome (typical guy speaking here, sorry) but seriously I am sure a few guys out there would be disappointed, myself included.


Blue Monday

Today is a curl up in a ball on the couch type of day. That is exactly what I did not too long ago. Skies are grey and we are getting the occasional rainstorm. It is decent outside but if you leave the windows opened a cool breeze comes in. It was far too cold to keep the windows opened though. It has been definitely what I call a blue Monday.

I sense much anger in you. I would say I wake up on the wrong side of the bed some mornings, but this is basically impossible for me to do. I sleep on a couch. Yeah it is a futon but if I were to convert it into a bed, it would take up too much space in my room. So I am sleeping on a couch with only one side to get off on. Maybe that is one of my issues? Maybe I need an actual bed to sleep on? Well to be honest I've never really been a bed sleeper anyways. Always slept on couches. This probably explains a lot huh? Back to the original subject, I've been pretty angry today. Started when I woke up and lasted until sometime in the afternoon. Now instead of being angry I am dealing with headaches. I am going to say stress related. Self inflicted stress most likely. People I think are just irritating me lately. Even the little things are getting to me. I constantly tell myself, Nick just chill the hell out. Thats what it comes down to, I need to chill out and relax. A lot of it is having to do with the guild I am running on WoW. People are totally driving me nuts. I'm questioning my sanity for allowing myself to be put back into a position of running a guild. I know I can do it but sometimes I just want to scream really loud, or get a fire pit going and start pushing people into the fire.

Sometimes anger leads to production. I haven't sat around all day and been like "I hate the world!", I actually managed to put it to some good use. I went outside and cut the grass. I didn't really want to do it in the first place but I figured being outside may of been a good way to change my mood a bit. It was nice outside so that was a plus. Suppose to be nice outside for the majority of the week too. Maybe that is what I need to do, spend more time outside. I've also been wanting to go shopping to get a few more things for our get togethers, like more lawn chairs and more tiki torches. I hopped in the car, blasted some Metallica, and headed to Target to go buy some more stuff. Metallica car therapy always helps.

Curling up in a ball on the couch. I think I was just drained due to stress, that I shouldn't even be having in the first place, and I decided by mid afternoon to curl up in a ball on the couch and fall asleep. First I made sure to take some pills and then I sat on the couch, literally curled up in a ball. I fell asleep for a little bit. I think like an hour and a half of sleeping on and off. I think my other issue has been lack of sleep. My body probably hates me right now and is trying to tell me, Nick get some sleep God damn it! It was nice to get a little bit of a nap in there. Oh I forgot to mention in here somewhere that I woke up feeling a bit sickish this morning. I am going to blame it on all the junk food we have in the house. We really need to stop buying garbage. I need to be staying away from this crap but if I get bored I am tempted to eat random stuff. Temptation sucks.

Upcoming fire therapy. See all is not so bad in the world of Nick though. This upcoming Sunday we are going to have our Memorial Day get together a day early. We are having a cookout and I get to have some more much needed fire therapy. I don't think I have enough wood though and I will need to go out and buy some more before this weekend. Unless I decide to start taking apart random stuff in the house to burn. While that idea is tempting, I will stick with going out to buy wood. Oh and the weather looks to be perfect for this upcoming Sunday. Hooray for that. Sunday will be our first cookout since probably September or something.

Think my title for the blog was a bit deceiving. I stole the title from the song "Blue Monday". I figured it went well cause it is Monday and its a bit grey outside and I've been sorta pissy and antisocial. So the title is fitting! At least I'm not battling depression, right? I'm fine, I've chilled out for now at least. Lets hope things don't change.

I shall end this with a quote. Yes, a Star Wars quote.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”


Issues with marshmallows

Apparently add marshmallows to the list of things that give me issues. Marshmallows? What? How? Why? I'll explain. Figured I would write about something to add some amusement to everyone's Friday night.

A grill cover is not a good place to put marshmallows. Many years ago when I was a kid we had cookouts frequently. It was a tradition to roast marshmallows and have smores. One cookout we had, I believe it was for Memorial Day, I nearly ruined marshmallows for everyone. I was in charge of taking the bag outside so we can all roast them. I went outside and there wasn't anything for me to put the marshmallows on. No place for me to put them, other then the ground, but I didn't want to do that. Ants on marshmallows are bad, right? My brilliant idea was to place them on top of the cover to the grill. Now you can guess how this one went. The cover was still pretty warm so instantly the marshmallows started to melt. By the time I realized this I had lost a bunch, and then to make things worse I dumped probably about half the bag onto the ground. Course I got laughed at and everyone was like what the hell are you doing. I told them I needed a place to put the marshmallows. Who would of thought that putting them on the cover of a warm grill was a bad idea? Hey I was young and stupid, now I am just old and stupid. I didn't live this one down for years. Every time we had a cookout someone would ask, hey Nick wanna have some marshmallows, go put some on the grill cover. Something similar to that. Bastards! You know how they have warning labels on everything? Why don't they have a warning label on the bag of marshmallows to tell you not to put it on a warm grill cover. Maybe they do and I just haven't seen it before?

Never put a bag of marshmallows behind a toaster oven. This past weekend we had a get together at our house. We bought marshmallows, hersey candy bars, and graham crackers for smores. Sadly since we had a ton of food already we never did get to make any. Didn't need to make any to have an incident occur. The bag of marshmallows was in the kitchen on Saturday before the party, and I was trying to find a location to put them. Without really thinking I put them on top of the toaster oven, which they eventually fell behind the toaster oven. No big deal cause no one was going to use it anyways, right? Until Sunday morning when I decided to use the toaster oven to heat up some bagels. Totally never saw the bag there and didn't bother to look either. Few hours later I come downstairs and my father is screwing around with the toaster oven. There was a nice spot of marshmallows melted on the toaster oven. The bag wasn't totally ruined but quite a few marshmallows melted. My father asked me what the hell happened and how did the bag of marshmallows get behind the toaster oven. I told him that I didn't know and well at the time it was the truth. I didn't remember putting them behind the toaster oven. It didn't occur to me until after I went back upstairs and I realized oh yeah I was the one who put them on the toaster oven and they fell behind it. Once I determined that I was the one guilty of ruining a ton of marshmallows, I had a pretty good laugh about it.

I'm not entirely sure what my issue is with marshmallows. For all I know there are probably more instances in which I've had issues with them and I just don't remember. I guess the moral of the story is keep bags of marshmallows away from me. Of course it could bring forth another story down the road of my issues with marshmallows.


I am not entirely sure how this happened but as of last week 50% of the officers in my guild are gay. I am surrounded by gay people! Oh no. This may corrupt my mind, and I may want to switch sides. Nah, highly unlikely, I am not even curious about it. I love women too much. Not entirely sure why. They are all evil. Well the vast majority of them anyways. To save some face here though I will go on record and say men are assholes and women are bitches. Women are bitches cause men are assholes and men are assholes because we have a penis. Something like that, I am getting easily off topic at the moment.

The only straight male. Out of the five officers in my guild I am the only straight male as an officer. Our team consists of three males and two females. Both of the other males are gay. True story, one of the other officers, Kris has been with more females in his life that I have. Damn my morals. I should just become a male whore and sleep with anything. Highly unlikely that will ever happen.

The bi-chick. Ok I am sure you all are wondering how I got the 50% if there are five of us. Well one of the female officers, my co-gm, is bi. She thought she might be gay but we determined that she is bi cause she still likes penis. I am not sure I believe in the word bi though so I will just call her confused. One day she wants penis and the next day she changes her mind that she wants vagina. That isn't being bi, its called confusion. Of course this leads me to the question, what if she wants both in the same day? I'll still go with confusion.

The officer and facebook chats. Oh lord. Well thankfully no one is sending out penis pictures via the facebook messages, not yet anyways. Thanks to my friend Kris though, I have seen more then enough penis in the past few years. Wow Nick, that just totally sounded bad. I shall explain myself. See Kris is very open about his gayness and we are in this group on facebook called PWMB. Secret group, and for good reason. I've seen more and know more about Kris then I want to know. I have to say though sometimes Kris amuses me quite a bit. I suppose if I ever wanted to talk about chicks I can always go to my co-gm about that one, depending on what she prefers that day of course. If it is a day in which she prefers the penis it may not be a good day to talk to her about other females. Then again, I've mentioned my feelings about her in a previous blog so if I went to her about anything female related, it would most likely be about her.

So yeah things in the guild are a bit interesting at the moment thanks to the 50%. Wonder if we should maintain the 50% as we move forward? It might get complicated if we add more officers, unless we decide to give confused people officer spots from now on. Confused people are far more entertaining, wouldn't y'all agree?


Fire therapy

If everyday was like yesterday then life would just be great. Still despite the greatness, something is missing, I'll explain more later. Yesterday I got my much needed fire therapy. Was kinda sad when the night ended but it was a great day. I'm just really tired at the moment due to lack of sleep the past few nights.

Yesterday we had a party for my father's birthday and for mother's day. Tons of food and lots of people over. Cindy and I organized the entire thing with her paying for basically the majority of it. Really appreciate that by the way, although she won't see that cause I am pretty sure she never reads my blogs. We ordered pizza and chicken. On top of that we had various salads, dips, and I made my bacon stuffed shells. I wanted to see what people thought of them cause I've only ever made them for my father and I. People loved them, of course, my shells are freaking amazing. Yes I did just give myself a pat on the back. On top of all that food we had two cakes and we were suppose to do smores but that never happened. At least we have some shit that we can reuse for the next party.

Kids do not try this at home. We had a good fire going for hours last night. We had tons of wood to burn on top of a bunch of branches and random shit from the yard. Tons of paper and my father was handing me pictures from my wedding, which I threw into the fire. I believe we had at least 10 people contributing stuff to put into the fire. At one point I really got the fire going by throwing in some peg boards into the pit. Of course I may of added to it a bit by getting the lighter fluid out and spraying it into the pit. Yeah maybe the kids do not try this at home part applies to me. Well my aim is bad, insert random joke about me having bad aim here, and I was spraying the top of the cover to the fire pit. At one point the cover to the fire pit was on fire. Maybe my bad aim is why I am still single. See I didn't need anyone to make a joke for me, I did it myself, like I always do, insert another random joke most likely about masturbation.

It was a nice night to sit around by a fire, catch up with people, listen to music, etc. My cousin was over and I believe it had been about a year since I last seen her. We talked about some paranormal stuff, btw I have a story about that too, which will be mentioned later. A nice added feature was me getting a couple of tiki torches and sticking them in the ground around the parking slab. I need to get some more, they were totally cool. When the night ended and everyone had to go home it was sad but overall a really great day. Perfect weather too, like seriously, mother nature was nice to us yesterday. Thank you so much.

How is my cell phone calling the house if I didn't dial the number? Last night before I took my sister Cindy home something weird happened. I had my cell phone in my pocket, I must mention that before going further into the story. I walk into the house and the house phone rings, 10:45pm, who is the hell is calling now? I look at the caller ID and it is a wireless number and it looks like my number. I pick it up and nothing. I hang up and look at my cell phone and yeah my cell phone was being used to dial the house phone. How in the hell did that happen? It is entirely possible that I bumped something but I don't have any numbers in my phone on speed dial and you have to actually search for the number in my phone in order to call it. I am unsure what the hell happened there but it is totally weird.

Something was missing. Yeah despite the fact that yesterday was a great day all around something was missing. Basically having to do with me not having anyone special in my life. I should word that differently, I'm not really seeing anyone is a better way of putting it. I have special people in my life, just you know. So I am sitting there by the fire and I start thinking bout that for a little bit. No I didn't let it depress me, just thought about how nice it would be to share moments like this with someone special and then carried on with just paying attention to the fire. I think it is only natural to have these thoughts occasionally but I keep telling myself one thing, and this is how I get by. All good things are worth waiting for. Thankfully I am pretty patient.

Thats all for now. Hooray for fire therapy, it was much needed. Should get some more next weekend too, weather permitting.


Need to change

Damn these back and forth mood swings of mine. I've actually been pretty good the past week or so and now I am back to blah. Totally hate this. I figured though that instead of sitting here making myself suffer that I would come to my blog and just write whatever comes to my mind I suppose.

Weather is beautiful right now. Maybe that is part of the problem. I should be outside enjoying it instead of being in the house. Well tomorrow I will be outside the majority of the night cause we are having our first fire of the year. Yay for fire therapy. I have plenty of shit to burn. No people to burn. Damn. Anybody have any bodies laying around to dispose of? I could use your help.

Hey yesterday was a good news type of day though. First it started in the middle of the night with some negativity leaving my guild on WoW. I won't say anymore then that cause its over with, time to move on. Found some new officers for the guild. Notice how all of this is WoW related so far? Son of a bitch. My efforts to quit that game just never work. I'm going to have to get more aggressive with my attempts to leave, like uninstalling the game! Anyways, with new officers this means less stress on Amanda and I. Shortly after that my sister Cindy tells me that on the 27th of June she can get out of work early so we can go to Summerfest and check out The Pretty Reckless show. Awesome! I am happy bout that. Few other things happened that I won't mention here but it was a good news type of day.

I do know what is troubling me. I am not going to talk about it in my blog though. Think I'll keep it to myself actually. Yeah I am sure I'll get yelled at cause I want to keep the majority of it to myself, but seriously it boils down to I need to change. I'm not talking bout how I act, how I am towards people, etc. I am talking bout change on a much larger scale. I wake up every day and tell myself that this is going to be the day, and that day never does come. So I need to change and it needs to be done soon. I need to kick myself in the ass and just do it. Don't be afraid of the outcome Nick, cause only good things will happen. Just do it. Stop analyzing everything and thinking of possible disaster scenarios.

I think that it is for now. I am going to enjoy the rest of my evening. Probably kill random people on WoW some how, seems like it always makes my days better. Listen to some music. Enjoy the nice weather. Be happy cause tomorrow is fire therapy!


Stubbing my toe

The toe saga continues. Mind you that despite my problems I can still walk and I am not in need of cutting off my foot to install a peg leg, that could be coming at some point though. I certainly am not helping it out by now stubbing my toe a few times. First time was while I was at Target yesterday with my sister, which has a funny story in itself. Second time, um well I don't remember. Third time though was this morning. I figured I'd name my blog stubbing my toe cause it seems to me that is what I am good at doing right now.

Target yesterday, what an adventure. The car I drive is small so I have to be careful how much crap I buy so we have no issues getting it into the car. I should of thought bout this before going inside the store and buying what we did. My sister and I are getting things together for my father's party next Saturday. Since our fire pit season is starting I figure it would be nice to get some new chairs and a table for our outdoor adventures. Well a bigger shopping cart would of been helpful. I picked up four chairs and a decent size round table. Problem is we both had a lot of shit in our shopping carts so trying to make them fit was a huge task. Also got some tiki torches too and while they are cool, they are awkward and long and made it more difficult to get anything in the cart. Anyways so I have all this shit in my cart. No where to put my hands to steer and I can't turn the cart cause it is too difficult with the amount of stuff in there. So I think you all can guess what happens. The chairs come flying out of the cart unto the ground. This is where I hit my foot on the shopping cart. Wearing shoes so the impact wasn't as bad. We get the chairs back in the cart and go to the checkout. We get all done there and we are coming out of the store. Of course what happens? The chairs go flying out of the cart again. Ugh. Seriously? People are looking at us now like there is something wrong with us. Maybe there is? I don't know. Anyways we finally make it to the car only to realize that it is possible that all of this shit will not fit in the car. Damn it. Why did I not think of this sooner? After screwing around for up to 10 minutes with car seats and whatnot we managed to fit all the stuff into the car. Only issue after that was me trying to back up and having tiki torches right in my face as I was backing up out of the parking stall. I have to say sometimes there is really never a dull moment when it comes to me.

I decided that since we didn't do a fire last night that I was going to hang around outside for awhile and just enjoy nature. I know I have said this before but I probably seem like an indoorish type of person to most people but that is far from the truth. I love being outside. Walking or just sitting around taking everything in. We have a lot of birds in the area so I sit around and I listen to them. To some people they are annoying but I love it. We also get a ton of rabbits roaming around and a lot of squirrels. I see squirrels all over the place. They are amusing at times how they run and hop around. Last night in particular there were two squirrels wrestling with each other for like at least 10-15 minutes. It was funny. It was nice to be outside for awhile, so peaceful and calm. Next weekend though begins fire therapy!

Not all of last night was so great. I managed to stub my toe again. I am not sure what I did to be totally honest. I probably walked into a wall. I am good at doing stupid shit like that. I was having random aches and pains all night too. First it started with my neck. Then my hands started hurting like I was dealing with carpal tunnel, pretty sure I do have carpal tunnel. Both of my knees were bothering me too. I was told when I was 14 that I had the knees of a 40 year old, I am now 35, I can't imagine how they are now. On top of that my toe was of course bothering me. Gee I wonder why? Maybe I should stop bumping it into shit. My head was also hurting but the pain shot down the right side of my face all the way to my neck. I was miserable but I took some pills and just tried to forget about all of that and I think it worked after awhile.

Oh so I forgot bout my Best Buy adventure from Tuesday. Ok so I had a 20 dollar gift certificate for being awesome or whatever and I found this gaming mouse that I wanted that was on sale for 67 dollars. I decided that I was going to go buy it. I hop in the car and drive out there. 15-20 min drive depending on how fast you go. Pouring rain out mind you. Never drove in that bad of rain before. So I get there and they have nothing on the shelves. I say well shit that sucks, I came out here for nothing. Go back home and check the website. I go to order it and it says pickup in store. I check for the store I was just at and sure enough I can pick it up there. Son of a bitch. Why did I not do this before hand? So I order it and do the pick up thing. Drive back out to Best Buy again in the pouring rain. I am in Best Buy for a whole 2 minutes and I am off to head back home with my new mouse that I should of ordered and did the pick up thing in the first place. For now on if I order anything from Best Buy I will do the pickup thingy.

Stubbing the toe part three. I woke up this morning and I decided that it was just not time for me to be awake yet. It was like after 8am or something. Anyways I put my glasses back down on the stand where I usually put them but then decided I needed to go into the other room for something. Not sure what it was. Mind you I have no glasses on and I can't see too well without them. So on my way out of the room I greet the computer chair by walking into it and of course what do I hit? My toe. Which I promptly said owwww really loud and then went into the other room and laid back down in bed. I start laughing my ass off at my own stupidity. Lesson learned, don't walk around without glasses on. Who am I kidding though? I do this all of the time. I've walked downstairs without my glasses on. Now that is a disaster waiting to happen if I continue to do that. Who am I kidding though? If I am going to fall down the stairs I will do it with or without glasses on. Just as long as next time I don't go head first into the cabinet next to the fridge again. That cabinet hurts.

Well now that you are all probably laughing at me and my misfortunes I am going to end the blog there. If I amused you then great I'll be back again soon with probably more funny tales of my life. I apparently always have some sort of story to tell. See y'all again soon.



That blog I wrote last night, yeah disregard that. I woke up this morning and I stabbed that dude in the neck. He is gone. If he comes back again I shall kick his ass and stab him again. Yeah ok my mood today is much better. I guess I am just going to have days like that. Everyone does, right?

My gout issue is still kinda there. Almost two weeks now. I can walk just fine though but the area is tender. Putting on shoes still sucks a little bit. Course now I have a little bit of another issue. My big toe on that foot has an ingrown toenail I believe. I can not catch a break can I? Well it is said, when it rains it pours. Yep totally like that at the moment it seems. Whatever though, I'll get through it. Cutting off my foot is still an option. Peg leg Nick, oh and then I can get myself an eye patch and I can be a pirate. Arrr, I'm a pirate motherfucker! Yeah Nick, if you want to be a pirate you need to work on the pirate talk.

Fire pit season is starting for us next week Saturday. Yes! I can not wait. Sitting in front of a fire is so relaxing to me. Much needed self therapy. I have so much stuff to burn too. I'll have to burn the bodies when people aren't around though. Too many questions that I don't want to answer. I'm kidding. There are no bodies to burn. Not yet anyways.

Summerfest is next month. Yay! Going to a bunch of shows. Actually not sure yet who I am all going to see yet. I may as well just set up a tent down by summerfest and camp out there. Lets see, on the 25th of June Neon Trees is playing. On the 26th while my sister is at Lady Gaga, Pentatonix is playing on one of the side stages. Then on the 27th The Pretty Reckless is playing at 3pm and then at 10pm that same day Five Finger Death Punch is playing. We are already for sure going to see Motley Crue on July 4th and Fall Out Boy on July 5th. Busy busy. Love live music though and it should be another good summer of live music.

Short blog but I wanted to write something that was more upbeat then what I wrote last night. I know I am going to have days such as yesterday but I'm not going to dwell. I have a lot of good stuff coming up and my life isn't terribly bad so positive thoughts or I should say I will be as positive as I can.

I think too much

May is starting off the same way April did for me. I seem to be battling through depression again. I can't even pinpoint one thing directly that is effecting me, it just seems like everything around me is in collapse mode. That is far from the truth though cause everything is actually fine. I feel it though. Constant pain and sadness and not knowing what to do to get out of this mess. I could talk to people I suppose, and I normally do, but I am not even sure what is going on inside my own head. Hard to communicate with someone if you don't know what it is you want to talk about. I thought I'd come to my blog for a bit and talk about it and maybe the question of what is wrong with me will be answered within the blog.

Today I've felt like I am in pain. Not a physical pain, more like an emotional pain. Unless you've actually dealt with depression it is hard to explain to someone how you are actually feeling. Most people would just tell you to get over it. While it is true, you kinda just need to find some happiness in your own misery, telling someone to just get over it is like one of the least constructive ways of dealing with someone who is like this. Again I don't know what triggered today. It started when I woke up and it continued until now. On and off tears and then an emotional outburst earlier this afternoon. On the plus side that whole thing tired me out and I was able to take a nap for awhile. My mood, although maybe at times not as bad, continued into the evening up until now.

Maybe subconsciously things are bothering me. My sister Mary's birthday is coming up soon and so is the anniversary of her death. Anniversary of my grandma's death is coming up. Always a lot going on in my mind too. Random stuff usually. This is why my blog is a good outlet for me.

I guess the best I can say to myself right now is hang in there. The storm will past and another one will come one day and that will be dealt with and so on and so far. Make the best of what I have right now and focus on that. I do have a lot of good things in my life that I am thankful for. We all fall down sometimes but we have to make sure we pick ourselves up. Oh and don't do anything rash either. The amount of rash ideas I had today would of seriously upset a number of people. Like I thought bout leaving WoW again and giving up my gm position. I thought about walking away from all my friends and such on facebook for awhile. I guess basically just disappearing for awhile. What would that accomplish though? I'd feel more alone then I am right now and I already know that I am not alone anyways so none of that solves anything. Maybe I answered what my problem is by what I just said. My problem ultimately is that I think way too much.

How to turn off the brain though? Walking more maybe? Writing definitely helps. Find something that calms and relaxes me I suppose. I don't like feeling like this but I know that I am the only one who can cure it. I guess I have my next project, working on getting me out of this funk. I am sure it is noticeable to the people who love and care about me and I am sure that they miss The Nick.

I will end this rather depressing and miserable blog with a quote that I like and I really think I somehow need to look past my own bullshit and make it work for me.

“Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.”