My Immortal

I've been wanting to blog to talk about me going to see Evanescence last Friday but I haven't gotten around to it. I'm sitting here with not a lot to do at the moment so I figured now would be as good of a time as any for it. Up until last Friday I hadn't been to a concert in almost 7 years and afterward I totally regretted that cause Friday night made me miss live music a lot.

A little bit of back story first. I didn't start listening to Evanescence until late 2007. Everyone who knows me knows that I am a rocker. Some of my favorite bands include Metallica, Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, and Marilyn Manson. Occasionally I listened to random stuff other then the metal and hard rock. I knew of the band Evanescence but I never gave them a chance cause they had a chick lead singer. Pretty retarded reason. I think I didn't listen to a lot of stuff cause I felt like I had to maintain this image of me being a headbanger. I totally don't fit that image anymore to be completely honest. Anyways one of my friends sent me a recording of her singing the song "My Immortal". I found out it was from the band Evanescence. I liked her version of it so I figured I would check the band out. They immediately became one of my favorites. Of course then Amy Lee became my celebrity crush. She is just so beautiful and her voice is amazing. As someone might put it "I have a boner for her". Think she is possibly the longest celebrity crush I've had to. Anyways I was looking forward to their new album to come out. Since it has come out I have been listening to it front to back. Rarely do I listen to an entire album without skipping around. I find myself relating quite a bit to this record with the lyrics and whatnot. In fact as I type this I am listening to the album. So with all of this being said I was anxious to go to the show.

I hadn't been to a show in 7 years and I have never went to a show by myself before. I must admit that I was somewhat nervous and anxious. By the time I got into the eagle's ballroom the first band Rival Sons was on stage. One thing that I have always noticed about supporting acts is if they really aren't that well known of a band you really can't make shit out. They sounded ok though. One thing I did say to myself was damn I have missed seeing live music. The second band that took the stage was The Pretty Reckless. They weren't too bad at all. One highlight out of their set was playing the Audioslave song "Like A Stone". I was like hey I recognize this song. Taylor Momsen, the lead singer of The Pretty Reckless was good eye candy too. She is pretty hot. I guess her dancing around on stage all sexy like kind of helped too. By the time they got off the stage I was all excited cause I knew Evanescence was next.

Before they took the stage there was a sequence of events. One some chick pinched my ass. I have no idea who. I really hope it was a chick to be totally honest cause if it was a guy I feel totally violated. Then I am standing there and I see these two slutty chicks who are about to go on the arena floor. My initial reaction was to say "sluts". Not even like two minutes later they walk up to me and were like excuse me can you take a picture of us. I'm thinking to myself thank you for giving me a good excuse to have to stare at two slutty chicks for a minute or two. I also thought to myself maybe I should ask for a copy of the picture or something so I had new material to masturbate to. It is really good that sometimes I don't say what is on my mind, although I'm sure it might be funny to say that just to see what someone would say in return. After I took the pictures one of the chicks grabbed my arm and said thank you so very much. That was probably the closest I will get to having sex for the rest of this year. I'm not trying to insult myself, I am just being honest.

Few minutes later Evanescence took the stage with the first single off their new album "What you want". As soon as I saw Amy Lee take the stage I had this big ass smile on my face. There was my celebrity crush in the same room/place as me. Think I stood there just smiling for a few minutes. They went on to play a lot of songs off their new album, 8 to be exact. Half the set was new material while the other half of the set was some of their hits and fan favorites. Some bands sound really good on record and then suck live. Evanescence sound amazing live. I think they sound so much better live then they do on records. Not just Amy Lee though, the entire band just sounds like a really tight knit close family up there on stage. Then of course you have Amy Lee who likes to move around all over the stage. She is definitely a rocker chick. They did mix up the songs a bit and Amy got on the piano for quite a few songs. I love how they have songs where she is on piano and yet they totally rock. It was surreal being there. Seeing a band I have listened to for the past few years and performing their songs. During slower songs I admit I had some tears in my eyes and at one point I just kinda took it all in and I was so happy to be there that there were tears of joy. Guess I am an emotional person from time to time and music really does bring it out in me. They played some songs that I was really wanting to hear such as "The Change" and "The Other Side" from their new album. "Bring Me to Life, My Immortal, and Your Star" were some other ones that I really wanted to hear. "Your Star" is my favorite Evanescence song. People may find that weird cause it is not one of their main hits but Amy is on the piano for that song and the song just totally rocks. Her voice is really amazing live. It is so easy just to get lost in the music listening to her sing. The song of the night had to of been "My Immortal". That song always triggers emotions for me. I am not sure I have ever listened to that song and not shed a tear. The crowd really got into that song and sang along with her. We were pretty damn loud too. Their set was only 70 minutes long but I think those 70 minutes were some of the best 70 minutes of my life. I wish I could relive it. Anyone who is a fan of Evanescence be sure to check them out live, you will not be disappointed.

To end this blog I will leave you all with the set list from the show and two videos from the night. The last two songs. "Your Star" and "My Immortal". Enjoy.

What You Want
Going Under
The Other Side
Weight of the World
The Change
Made of Stone
Lost in Paradise
My Heart Is Broken
Call Me When You're Sober
Bring Me to Life

Your Star
My Immortal


Another tour of my room!

Boredom? Nah. I actually cleaned my rooms and wanted to make another video of it!


I'm so in love with...cheese

Totally random blog title. Maybe to get me to like laugh or something. I'm pretty sure that this blog will have nothing to do with cheese. Although I must say that I do love eating cheese. Cheese curds ftw. Oh my God, I totally want some cheese curds now. Seriously though the title is totally random. Anything else I could of thought of for the moment would of been depressing or emo seeing as how my moods have been out of whack still. I figured I'd try to fight my own demons with humor. Usually works.

I've had a migraine for what seems like days now. I keep popping pills and it does help somewhat but otherwise it has been pretty steady. I hate it. Maybe one day I should go to a doctor? Nah Nick, that makes way too much sense and we all know that Nick does not do things that make sense.

Boring section of my blog incoming...so the Packers are now 6-0. Only undefeated team left in the league. I don't even think they are playing to their full potential either which is the scary part. They play the Vikings next who just got crushed by the Bears last night. Should go into their bye week with a 7-0 record. Woot.

Brewers disappointed me. It is awesome that they got to the NLCS but they totally fell apart against the Cardinals. Everyone keeps saying that they had a great year and they should be proud of themselves but I am more critical. If you get a chance to go to the World Series you need to go in there and do what you have to do to win not throw the games away. 7 errors in 2 games is unacceptable for a professional baseball team.

Ok boring sports talk over with. Me and Catina finished all of the episodes of True Blood. Like that show a lot tbh. Glad she got me into watching the show. A lot of deaths in season 4 though. Has me curious as to what is going to happen in the next season, so curious that I started trying to find spoilers already. Season 5 is still like 8 months away though. In the meantime we started watching Grey's Anatomy together. Only 3 episodes in and the show definitely has my attention. Looks like it will be a show I can totally get into. It is kinda nice to have someone to watch shows with other then my father of course.

I've been in my own little world as of late. A lot of different emotions and feelings. I need to get back on track this week though. That is my goal for this week. Starting off with my exercising. I intend on dragging my ass out later for a walk. I have not done that in a pretty long time. It is a good excuse to bring my camera with me and take some pictures of the fall colors. May as well take advantage of it while I can because I am not sure if we are going to go to Door County to see the fall colors this year. Either way the goal for me this week is to get back on track and that starts with exercising.

Ozzy has a double ear infection. Poor cat. Me and my father are really being bad about putting the ear drops in his ears too. Although I don't see him like scratching his head or making weird movements with his head due to his ears. He was doing that quite a bit before we took him to the vet. So hopefully he is improving.

Going to see Evanescence on Friday. I am excited to go. It has been forever since I went to a show though. I really do like their new album quite a bit. I've been playing the hell out of it since it came out last Tuesday. Some of the songs though trigger some emotions for me. That happens with most music for me anyways. Nothing wrong with getting all emotional anyways!

I'm taking ideas for life lessons with the Nick videos btw.

I suppose that is it for now. See this blog totally had nothing to do with cheese!


October Rust

Typically October is one of my favorite months. The weather gets cooler, the leaves change colors, and of course Halloween. How can someone not like Halloween? I think I like Halloween just cause all the horror movies they put on. The past few years though my mood around this time a year hasn't been very consistent. My moods have been off. This year is no exception.

Let me start off with some positive. I cleaned my rooms! Oh my God! Miracles do happen! It took me awhile but my rooms actually look pretty decent. I would actually be happy to have people over to come over and chill. I am not totally done though. I want to hang up posters and whatnot in my other room. Make my room look more home like or go for the bachelor pad look when I had my own place in Florida. All I know is that it is nice to walk upstairs and walk into my room and it look so clean! It is a good feeling.

Next week I go see Evanescence. First concert for me in nearly 7 years and it will be the first time I am going to one by myself. Bit scary but I can handle it. Their new album came out yesterday. I was going to go buy the album but they have it on spotify where I can listen to it whenever I want to. So I played the hell out of it yesterday. I like the album. A lot of the songs seem to talk about heart break and losing someone you love. Fun stuff.

My moods have been really unstable lately. I can't really pinpoint a direct cause either. I go from being happy to sitting here crying, hating my life, hating the world, wanting to punch someone in the face, etc. Nothing really triggers it, I don't think anything does at least. The majority of the time though I just shut down and don't say anything to anyone until I snap out of it or I just think to myself ok this is ridiculous to feel like this so let's work on improving it. The one person who helps me the most through this is Catina. I can't really put into words how awesome she is and how much she does mean to me. I sorta just mellow out when I talk to her. I forget all of my troubles and I guess I just try to enjoy every moment I get to talk to her. None of us really know what tomorrow brings so why is the use in feeling like crap or blah when you are talking to someone whom you really care about. Enjoy your time together the best you can cause you don't know what tomorrow may bring. Anyways I figure if I was able to talk to her 24/7 life would be just perfect but I realize that is not really possible. I am just going to have to find a way to stable my moods when I am not talking to her. I guess though this should really show how much she does mean to me. I could totally be feeling like shit and my mood changes drastic. When people like that come into your life don't let them get away cause these people are special.

Btw, I <3 you Catina. One day I will totally write a blog about Sheepfucker and Towelhead. Yeah ok if you are reading this and you aren't Catina don't ask lol.

Going to the foot doctor in a few hours. I mainly just go to get my toe nails clipped. Hell if I can do that on my own. Fat people trying to bend over to reach stuff just does not work out too well. It is also like holding a cake in front of a fat person and saying ok don't eat it!

Other then that I don't think I have anything else to say for the moment. Despite my mood swings and depression I still can manage to find some things to make me happy and I can still crack a smile and laugh. All hope is not loss yet for me and that is a general statement with everything that I have going on in my life. If you want something to improve in life you need to go out and do it on your own. It won't happen without effort from yourself.



Sometimes I don't really think I need another person around to amuse me. I do a fairly good job of keeping myself amused the majority of the time. It is mainly just random stupid crap that I do. Days later I will remember things and randomly laugh or smile about it. So here is some happenings from the past few days.

First off I been rearranging my room and cleaning. I'm doing spring cleaning late. More like fall cleaning I suppose. Anyways I put the green giant in the corner and then dressed him up with my Jason mask and a Black Sabbath shirt. That amused me for like a good hour or so when I did that. Then for the hell of it I took a guitar cable and was beating the crap out of him. I really don't know why. Anger management maybe? Or the fact I figured it would easily amuse me, which of course it did. I was laughing my ass off. Poor green giant, I swear if there was a way for him to strangle me he would strangle me in my sleep.

As I was cleaning I decided to move my router and modem. I unplugged the router and plugged it back in. Was working fine. Suddenly my computer turns off by itself and then when it comes back on the router won't recognize I have the internet. I was like what the hell. So I literally spent a total of 3 hours messing with it doing everything that I could possibly think of to fix it. I pretty much thought that somehow I had fried it. Then I was reading some things and determined hmm maybe I didn't put the cables back in right. After the computer shut off I took the cables out and redid the router. Well apparently I did not put them back in right. Cables in wrong will cause a router not to work. Just an FYI for everyone. So now since I have the cables in correctly I have a working router. It was a total face palm moment for me.

Then my father provided some amusement for me too. I went into the freezer the other day and there was a package of string cheese in there. I said to him what the hell is this about, why is this in the freezer? He was like um I don't know. I was like are you freezing cheese now and he replied with I believe I put that in there on accident. Well I would hope so. In 32 years I don't believe I have ever seen someone freeze cheese before lol.

I think the big LOL moment this week though had to be the trash can story. I had a small trash can in my computer room and I really didn't need it in here anymore so I took it downstairs and put it on the kitchen table. He saw it and I told him I didn't need it upstairs anymore so I decided to bring it down here. He looks at it and says I can wash this out and use this as a candy bowl. I looked at him and said seriously you are going to use a trash can for candy. He was like yeah why not, its bigger then the bowls I use. I laughed and was like ok whatever. I didn't really think he was that serious about it until yesterday. Yesterday I see the trash can on the shelve filled with candy. I started cracking up. I really can't believe he is using a trash can for his candy. Last night we were watching "Transformers" and he had the trash can of candy by him. I couldn't help but smile and laugh.

Never a dull moment in this house. At least it gives me something to smile and laugh about and hell write about in my blogs. Plus it makes life a little bit easier when you are amused about something the majority of the time.

Btw I have now written more blogs in this year then I have in the previous 2 years. Go me!

Also, hi Catina! I had to acknowledge you in some way since I know you are one of a few people that actually read my blogs. Well that and you are special.

That is all for now. Oh yeah I did get a new webcam for this computer. I have one on my laptop but I really am not on my laptop that much so I got one for my main desktop. Thinking I should go back to doing some "Life Lessons with The Nick" videos. I don't know if people really enjoyed them or not but I know some parts were somewhat funny. Until next time goodbye!



The title is going to be rather deceiving. Someone may see that and think "omgz he thinks he is useless". Nah, I don't really think that at all. I kept using the word useless in facebook PWMB chat so I was like they that will be the next title for my blog. So it is like an inside joke pretty much. I don't think I am useless, a bit lazy though.

Starting to clean my rooms and organize a bit. Wait, did I not try this months ago? I did and I failed dramatically. Cut me some slack, I will get it done. I'd like to rearrange things a bit but I have very little options on what I can actually do. I do have a ton of posters that have been sitting around for the past 6 years. Maybe I will put them up! A sign of how lazy I am? I have xmas lights hanging up in the other room and they pretty much burned out a year ago. Good job Nick...good job.

Might be going to the zoo tomorrow. It has been awhile. The weather is suppose to be pretty nice out. We were thinking of going on some sort of road trip tomorrow to look at fall colors and whatnot but I said to my father why not go to the zoo. I can finally see my relatives! Yay! Wait, did I just insult myself? Yeah oh well.

Evanescence is in a few weeks. I am pretty excited to go see them. Sucks I am going by myself but oh well. It is either go by myself or don't see them at all. I would rather see them then not see them of course. Their new album comes out in a week. Can't wait to hear it.

My mood as of late as been really good. In fact I am quite happy and find myself literally bouncing off the walls lately. Best way to describe it I guess would be I want to sing and dance around to just about any song I listen to which might possibly be weird cause of some of the randomness that comes on my play list. I dunno its really great to feel like this the majority of the time. Even when like I get irritated about something at the moment I laugh it off. This Nick I could totally get use to.

Although last night before I went to bed I laid there and I started to pray and talk to God. I do this on occasion. I like to thank him for things in my life. I don't act very religious most of the time but I feel like I should thank him from time to time. So I did that and fell asleep. Woke up less then 4 hours later with a bad leg cramp. I was being punished for praying! Ok not really but I just found that rather amusing. I think maybe I should thank him more then I do, just I could do without the leg cramps.

A lot of me being happy I owe to Catina. Things with her have been rather great. I am not going to get into a lot of details here but I will say this, she is very special to me and she has a special place in my heart. I will however share with you all something she wrote about me in her livejournal years ago. I still go back and read this periodically because I don't think anyone else has ever written anything that touched my heart as much as this did. It is rather long sorry. Actually why am I sorry for? I did not write it lol.

"It was storming bad and the electricity went out so I took a nap. It was nice. I dreamt about wal*mart. Please shoot me. Lol. When I woke up I considered just going to bed, but I couldn't. Before it went out I had been online talking to Nicky and so I couldn't just not go back. Then once I went back I couldn't seem to leave. I really really just simply enjoy talking to him. He mellows me out sorta. He like levels everything out and makes life earlier for awhile. Right now everything is just kinda crazy and whenever I think about relax time or free time or any time that I just want to sit and do nothing I think "well, I would love to talk to Nicky." There is something about him that I just can't get over. He is like I DUNNO. Gosh it bugs me because I can't think of the words to even describe how wonderful this guy is. I mean its amazing to think that I even got the opportunity to meet someone so great. I mean I always have really cared about him and thought of him as a great friend. I mean we have known each other for years and I never stopped to really look and see who HE really was. Let me tell you, I was missing out for sure. This is the kinda guy that I sat around wishing that Patrick would act like. This is the kinda guy that I think most girls wish for. He's funny and smart and supportive and just overall he is an amaaaaazing person. He has admitted that he has feelings for me and hell I have basically admitted that I have some for him too. I mean I can't lie about that. I guess that's a horrible thing considering I have a boyfriend, but when you think about the relationship right now ya kinda just might be able to understand why it is so easy to be able to admit something like that. Now I'm not saying I'm going to run out and dump Patrick for Nicky, because I will be honest and say that at this point I am not ready to do something so extreme. I think Patrick could do just about anything he wanted to me and yet I would forgive him. He knows that and he takes advantage of that and I'm getting sick of it, but I'm still not strong enough within to give up. I still can't say it's over. I still feel like I have to protect him from being hurt and me breaking up with him would only hurt him. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it now at least. Never say never though. Anyway, back to talking about Nicky. He is so sweet to me. Sometimes it is so nice to have someone treat you with respect and show you kindness, love and attention that other people should be giving you, but are not. He goes the distance to show me that I am someone who actually means something and I do matter. I hope he knows how important he is as well. Basically though he treats me better than most of the people I know and I totally thank him for that. He is definentally going to make somebody VERY happy someday. He can take someone from being so low and totally just bring them up again. Without a doubt he is a giver, not a taker and after the relationships I have been in and am in now I KNOW that that is something you need to be looking for in a person. I can't say enough good things about him. It amazes me how someone such as himself could not be taken. It just simple amazes me. I mean once you get to know him its like he just falls right into your heart and locks himself in there. That's not a bad thing either because I like it that way. I like that no matter what happens he will always be with me in some way. I like it that I know he feels the same about me. I like it. I just really really like it." -7/13/05

So, useless? No. I just using the word.