Happy Holidays from The Nick

It is Christmas Eve and it has been awhile since I have written anything so I figured that it would be a good time for an update. First off I hope everyone has a safe and happy holidays. We were suppose to get some snow tonight but it hasn't started yet. I honestly don't care if I have to clean up some snow tomorrow, I would love to have some snowfall for Christmas. We do however have snow on the ground so it will be a white Christmas.

Today I helped my father bake two cakes for tomorrow's family get together. Then we made a third cake just for us. It was one of those non bake jello cakes. Turned out not too bad. I liked it at least. Then we watched Inception finally. Great movie. Really was a lot of stuff going on. It was good though. Then I made chicken fettuccine alfredo chicken helper for dinner. It turned out really well. Overall was a pretty descent night. I am looking forward to spending some time with family tomorrow for Christmas. Always nice to be around family, even if I don't say a whole hell of a lot.

Was thinking of past Christmases earlier. When I was a kid it was always about getting presents. I use to wake up at like 5 in the morning and want to start opening up gifts. I remember when I got Nintendo for Christmas. That was a big deal and I know I spent the rest of the day and the night in front of that damn TV playing Nintendo. Of course I kinda knew before hand that I was getting a Nintendo cause I use to find my gifts and rip off little parts of the corners to see if I could tell what it was. I know...bad Nick! Now a days it isn't so much about receiving gifts it is pretty much about spending time with family, being thankful for what you have, and maybe giving someone else something to let them know you are thinking of them. That I suppose is my one regret. I can't necessarily give back to people who have given stuff to me. Hopefully this will change in the future.

A few reasons why I haven't been writing all too much lately. One is I have had a case of writer's block, again. Of course the other being I've been busy with WoW since the expansion came out earlier this month. Am I having fun in the game? Somewhat. The whole idea of regearing a character and learning how to play again after doing this for nearly 5 years now is a bit annoying. Doesn't mean I am going to stop playing though. It is a bit overwhelming at times cause it seems like trying to become good at what you do in WoW you need to spend countless hours farming and whatnot and it makes you think "gee don't I have something in real life I could be doing instead?". DC Universe online comes out soon. That game is pretty descent to play. I dunno though, we'll see.

I shall end it there. Maybe I will be back before the new year. Hope everyone enjoys the holidays and remains safe. Take care.


Hell has frozen over!

December has officially arrived. It certainly feels like it too. Pretty chilly here. I go downstairs earlier and I was freezing my ass off. My father is walking around with a light jacket on. That just amuses me. Most other people would probably turn the heat up or something, not him. I'm not complaining though cause my rooms upstairs and nice and comfortable. It is just funny to me. Just one of those things that my father does that makes me laugh.

I think hell froze over. No seriously I think hell froze over and I did not get a memo about it. What the hell? Seriously if hell is going to freeze over please warn me next time. I'll explain what I am talking about.

Sunday ended up being a pretty weird day. First my Packers lost to the Falcons. They didn't lose by much but losing those close games like that stings and it weakens my already black and crumbling heart. On top of that the Bears win so now the Pack are a game back in the division with only 5 games to go. Come on, the Bears can not...I repeat CAN NOT win the division. Seriously! Pack you better step it up and get it done.

While the game was going on I was talking to Andrew on facebook. We don't always get to talk a whole heck of a lot. He is busy with work and life, gee it must be nice to have a job and have a life but we won't get into that. Anyways I am telling him about WoW and all the changes that were made and this and that. Drew hasn't played WoW in like 3 or 4 years. Since then the game has changed dramatically. He decided he was going to download the game client. I am like ok, shocked as hell. I never thought he would be interested in ever playing that game again. I was going to cast a scroll of resurrection on his account, that way he could play for 10 days and try things out and see if he is interested in playing again. Of course that didn't work so we just upgraded his account to wrath of the lich king 10 day trial. So later he logs on the game and screws around with things and then he decides he is going to come back and play the game again. So yeah after all this time he decides to pick up where he left off. He even transferred his level 70 mage to my server. Kinda nice having him in game again to hang out and screw around.

That was the first shocker on Sunday, the next one (of course happened on WoW again) happened later on that night when I logged on my alt druid in PWMB. Before you ask what PWMB means I will tell you. It stands for "power wash my balls". It was a phrase that we used a lot when we played Star Wars Galaxies. People have come up with other various meanings for it. Anyways I log on my druid and I see an unusual name on in the guild. The guild is pretty small mainly just my alt and a few friends. I used the guild as a bank storage for all my crap on the game. I ask my friend Rob who that was. He tried to blow off the question by saying it was someone I guilded. I laughed and said no I didn't, you just guilded him not too long ago. Then he told me it was Ryan. Ryan was an old friend of mine back from SWG and for a few years on WoW. We hung out quite a bit on game, did instances, some raids, pvp, or just screwing around. I wanted all of us to get into raiding and I sorta pushed the issue a bit much and it was bothering everyone else. I decided I wanted to take everyone from our guild and go to this other guild that I was hanging out with. After that Ryan had stopped talking to me and put me on ignore on msn for about 2 and a half years. So it was a bit shocking to see him on the game. We have been talking again and kinda hanging out like the old days. It is always nice to reconnect with old friends and forget about stupid crap that has happened.

I started this blog yesterday and got sidetracked so I had to save it. Yesterday was my mom's birthday. Had she been alive she would be 68 now. In February it will be 13 years since she has been gone. Time really does fly. It really kinda makes you think that there is a limited amount of time for us to do things and there is always a lot for us to do. It is never too late to enjoy each moment that you have left because life is definitely too short. Besides, we are all going to die in 2012 anyways. =P

The next expansion for WoW comes out on Tuesday. I already preordered the digital download and I am all downloaded and ready to go. Few months back I was convinced that I was going to quit the game for good. Things just got stale and I wasn't having any fun anymore. Since all the pre expansion stuff started I have had quite a bit of fun. Doing some things that I had never done before too. Finally getting to see the entire game. I was challenging myself to solo 10, 20, and 40 man raids with my warlock. I also was trying to solo heroics by myself too. Overall the game that had been stale finally felt fun again.

Then the shattering happened. Not everyone is a WoW nerd so I'll give you some insight to what that means. I'm not really good with WoW lore but I will try it anyways. Deathwing is one of five dragon aspects in the game. He was empowered by the titans. During the War of the Ancients he was driven mad by the Old Gods and he turned against the other aspects. During the second war he suffered many defeats and he retreated to this elemental plane called Deepholm. He recently awoke from a long slumber in Deepholm and erupted through the world causing mass destruction and totally reshaping of the world. This was known as the shattering.

I remember when I logged onto WoW the first time back in the summer of 06. I thought it was amazing. It was such a big world to explore. Storylines, dungeons, quests, etc. Burning Crusade came out shortly after I had hit lvl 60 on my priest. There were more worlds to discover, new quests, new enemies. Wrath of the Lich King came out and it was the same deal. Unlike some people I really enjoyed wrath, minus the staleness of doing the same thing over and over again for 2 years. The areas were beautiful, the music in the areas was awesome, quests got more interesting, etc. I didn't know what to think about Cataclysm when I first heard about it coming out. It seemed like they were just recycling old content cause they ran out of ideas. This is part of the reason why I was unsure if I was going to play it or not. After the shattering happened I logged onto WoW I really felt the same way when I had first logged on the game back in 06. The world was totally different. Most of the quests were redone, rethought up, and some even a lot more "epic" then before. As I went through zones that I always liked to hang out in I was in awe at how things had changed. The world even though it was torn apart seemed much more beautiful and in some areas beautiful in a chaotic way. So with that being said I can not wait to see what Cataclysm has in store for us. I am sure not many people thank blizzard for what they do with WoW but I am going against "the norm" and saying thank you blizzard for giving us a fun game to explore unique and beautiful worlds.

And I shall end there.



I really didn't know what else to name this blog so I may as well just name it Thanksgiving since it is Thanksgiving. It is getting to be the cold time of year here, we even had some flurries yesterday. A sign of things to come for sure. Lows tomorrow night are going to be in the middle teens. Winter is already well on it's way. Which means Christmas is coming, well actually a month from today is Christmas. As I drove with my father today to go to my brother's house I saw some Christmas decorations out already and saw this amazing sunset too, which of course I did not have my camera so I couldn't get it. The decorations made me think to myself "you know Nick you could possibly have a bit of holiday spirit left in you after all". I am actually pretty anxious to see other people's decorations this year. Maybe I won't be the Grinch this year?

Thanksgiving this year was pretty descent and not really that eventful. That is ok though. I am fine with it being a bit quiet and laid back. Food was good by my brother's house. Conversation was descent. My brother is going to be on the lookout for me for an acoustic guitar. Being a garbage man has some advantages. People throw away nice shit all the time. I really want an acoustic guitar. I don't play guitar nearly enough but I was kinda slowly starting to teach myself chords, something that I have not done in all the time I've played guitar. I got off track a little bit. We sat around, watched some football, ate, talked, ate a bit more, talked, ate even more, and then I had some lightsaber duel with my nephew. It was a good day. Which is really good cause some of my memories of this day just really aren't that great.

Course not all of the day was perfect. I started having a flashback or well thinking about my mom's heart attack on Thanksgiving 22 years ago. I was only 9 at the time but I still remember most details from that day. I guess though there are some things that you just won't forget about it or maybe it is those things that remind all of us how precious life is, how life can change without any warning, and to give thanks for what we do have in our life. It didn't really bother me for too long to be totally honest. I thought about it a little bit remembering what had happened and I said to myself "Nick you aren't going to do this to yourself today, just enjoy today and not think of the bad times". Sometimes I even give myself good advice and I follow it.

Maybe I don't always show it to people but I would like to say that am thankful and grateful for everything in my life whether it be family or friends or whatever else. Without a few certain people I don't know where I would be today.

In other news...I finally got my DC Online Universe beta downloaded and working. My first impression....fun game. I have yet to figure out stuff like how to access the chat bar or friend's list or things like that but I also haven't played it all too much yet. I like the storyline of the game and the interaction with the various superheroes and villains. It is pretty bad ass, to me at least, to fight side by side with someone such as Superman. I like how you can customize your own superhero or villain. They get unique abilities and whatnot. Like one of my guys I made a superhero he has telekinetic powers. He can lift people up into the air and stun them with a beam he shoots out. He also has aoe attacks such as a telekinetic push back. He can run super fast and his wall climbing abilities remind me of Spiderman. I also made a villain chick. She has fire abilities. She can burn people and has this aoe burning aura. She also is into martial arts and dual wields pistols. I gave her the ability to fly. Dual wielding pistols while flying is just freaking awesome. I do have to say I am pretty impressed with that game so far. It is definitely something different then WoW.

I was going to write some about WoW but I really did not want an overly long blog so I will talk about that in the next blog. I have quite a bit to say about it. Yeah I know...nerdy shit! If you don't like it, then don't read it.

I hope everyone had a good and safe thanksgiving.


It's a Mad, Mad World

Welcome to Wisconsin where one day it is 60 degrees and the next day it is in the 20s. That about sums up our weather for this week. It is pretty mild outside atm but overnight it is suppose to drop down into the 20s. Some parts of Wisconsin are under a winter storm warning while other parts were under tornado warnings. Tornadoes in November, how weird. Later on this week we are suppose to have a cold mess...rain and snow. If the weather systems track differently we could have a white Thanksgiving. It would not be the first time.

Some people I think shouldn't be allowed to age simply because as they age they get stupider. Now don't get me wrong as I know I am far from perfect but some people are just absolutely unbelievable. Don't you feel like at times slapping some sense into someone and asking them "wtf is wrong with you?". I encounter some pretty dumb people online while playing WoW. It makes me wonder how people even know how to turn on a computer. It also makes me wonder do these people really act this way in real life. If they do then it is no wonder why this world is going to shit. Though I am not entirely sure of the whole 2012 thing but maybe it might be good in the sense that it will be a good population control for the world. Am I saying that I want something to happen? Not necessarily cause for all I know it might just dig my grave.

Packers went into Minnesota yesterday and kicked the crap out of the Vikings. It was good to see them go in there and dominate. They are playing the way that they should of been playing all year. The next team up is the Falcons. It will be a rough game but I think the Pack can pull it off. As for the Vikings they fired their coach today. I am not surprised. I kinda called it yesterday after the game. A lot of people blame the problems of that team on Favre. I however disagree. Call me a Favre supporter or a Favre lover. I don't deny he has always been my favorite player. He is part of the problem this year cause he is playing like shit. The team in general is playing like shit though. Offense, defense, and special teams. All of them are playing like crap. Favre is the scapegoat cause he is the quarterback, a leader of the team, and well popular media attention. But let me ask the sensible people something. Is it all Favre's fault when their defense is playing like shit like they did yesterday? I don't think he had any bearing on the defense giving up 4 touchdown passes, or missing tackles, or not getting to the quarterback, etc. Is it Favre's fault that his receivers can't catch passes or that while running a route they fall down leading to an interception? I think people see my point. Favre can be blamed for some things but the entire downfall of the team is blamed on the team.

Tomorrow on WoW we have a special event happening called "The Shattering". A lot of things in the world are going to be destroyed and changed forever. It should be pretty interesting to see what everything looks like. It is almost going to be like playing a brand new game.

Oh yeah I got a beta invite for DC Universe Online. The only problem is that the game is taking forever to download. Seriously I've let it download for the past few nights and it still has like about 3 gigs of information to download. So annoying. I really want to try out the game. I want to see what it is like. I've heard good things about it thus far.

I am sure I'll be back with another update this week. If I am not then I wish everyone a happy and safe Thanksgiving.


Tuesday's Gone

I was looking for a bit of inspiration to write a blog this morning. Then the Metallica remake of "Tuesday's Gone" comes on my playlist. That was enough to get me started.

Going to go a bit back in time. The beginning of 1999 I decided I wanted to move out of state to go to Florida to live with my gf Jennifer. Moving at the beginning of January was not the brightest of ideas however. We ended up getting a blizzard here and had I believe 15 inches of snow thus ruining our plans to drive cross country down to Florida. We had another solution though. I would pack up "the necessary things" and me and Jennifer would travel cross country by Amtrak. It was also decided that it would be easier to travel out of Chicago since all the connections basically went through there. I packed up what I could before the trip and before we left for Chicago that day I stood downstairs in my room and I balled my eyes out. I had never been on my own before and I was going to be far away from home. I was scared shitless. I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I was only 19 at the time. The point of my story though is "Tuesday's Gone" was the song stuck in my head that entire day. It was fitting for everything since for one thing we were leaving on a train and it was a Tuesday that we left on. Funny how that worked out huh?

How did that trip turn out? Ha, well I have not been back on Amtrak since. It took us 48 hours to get from Milwaukee to West Palm Beach. There were quite a few times when we were in the middle of nowhere not moving. By the time we got to West Palm Beach I was going stir crazy and I was functioning on about 4 hours of sleep in that time period. The plus side of that experience, I got to see cities like Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Washington D.C.

So what else is new? Well most of the stuff that I was wanting to do I'm going to have to wait until probably the beginning of next year to do. Like my GED, etc. It's ok though, it is something I know I will get taken care of. Money at the moment is well nonexistent but very tight for my father too so the less I'd have to ask him for help with anything the better. Job hunting is also very depressing. I think I have dug myself into a nice big hole being out of work so long. It's ok though because I know I won't stay in this hole forever. There has to be and I am sure there is a way out.

I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows yesterday. I love the entire series and this new movie did not disappoint. It was a pretty dark movie. Bit depressing at times. Of course the ending left me wanting more. The movie is being split up into two parts with the next part coming out in July. Oh joy more waiting! I think there is going to be a sense of sadness when that movie is over with because there will be no more no movies. I know when Star Wars Episode 3 was done and I got home that night after seeing the midnight showing I was a bit depressed. The story had been told and there was nothing more to really be added to it. Waited all that time to know how everything had happened and when it was over you find yourself asking yourself "is that it? Is it really over?". Though I am much more into Star Wars then I am Harry Potter I think I'll be sad when the next movie is over.

One of the characters from the movie is a house elf named Dobby. He first appeared in the second movie "The Chamber of Secrets". He annoyed me a bit in the movie. Then in the "Deathly Hollows" he wasn't so much annoying anymore, in fact he was kinda heroic. His death in the movie is really sad. He pretty much sacrificed himself so everyone could escape from Malfoy Manor. (Don't worry I am not going to go into depth about the movie since some people won't have a clue as to what I am talking about). His death got me thinking a little bit though. Would you sacrifice your life for other people? Could you take a bullet for someone? Would you push someone out of the way of a train, or a bus, or a car knowing you might very well not make it yourself? Do you love or care for someone enough to the point where you would die for them? Weird how something in a movie can get my brain working and asking questions, but I wouldn't perceive it as being a bad thing. There may come a time in all of our lifes where we are faced with these very questions and I am curious as to what people may think. Would I sacrifice myself for someone? Let's hope I don't have to ever really find out. To actually answer the question, if the situation called for it then probably.

Anyways that is it for now folks. A bit different then my last blog huh? Well, no one has pissed me off in the last few days so of course it is different.


Leave Me Alone

"Leave Me Alone' by Korn popped on my playlist and I thought what a good title for my next blog. It doesn't really necessarily mean I want people to leave me alone but the title does have to do with some things I want to say.

Sometimes I wish I had the heart to tell people to fuck off. I'm really not that type of person though. I try to see the good in everyone and if people fuck me over or something else I normally just stay away from them. There are some people though who just suffocate you with their bullshit though. I guess there is a time where I probably was like this myself. I try not to be but it happens. However I am referring to people who just constantly blame everyone else but themselves for their problems. They want people to help them out but never listen to what people say and then do the same shit over and over and over again. People need to take a step back for a moment and realize some of their problems are self inflicted. Sure other people may be to blame for some stuff but if it is a reoccurring theme then there is something wrong with you.

Then we have attention whores or people who just feed off of drama. Seriously I wonder why or how I attract some of the people that I do. Your crying for attention is annoying. Your wanting attention is annoying. The fact that the universe does not revolve around you is annoying. Pretty much the fact that you exist is annoying. Just stop being an annoyance. Everytime you are an annoyance God punches another puppy in the face. Stop letting the puppies get hit damn it!

I am not pointing fingers at any certain person or people. (Well I possibly am but I'm not going to say so. People are going to assume what they want anyways) I like helping people. I like listening to people. I do not like being a punching bag. If you come to me for advice and then throw it back in my face, do not come to me for advice. I am not the cause of your problems, if I am then I will gladly admit it. I am not God. Despite popular belief I can not perform miracles, I can not grant wishes, I can not turn water to wine, I can not walk on water, etc. If you don't like what I have to say if you come to me for advice or someone to listen to you then please don't come to me anymore with your shit. I am more then willing to help people but like I said and I will repeat myself...DO NOT SUFFOCATE ME WITH YOUR BULLSHIT! My life is far from perfect and I have my own problems to deal with.

There you go. This is why I picked "Leave Me Alone" as a title. Fitting huh? I've had quite a bit on my mind as of late and I feel somewhat better getting some of it out in the open. I am a great listener and I don't mind hearing most people's problems but my God sometimes enough is enough. If I could strangle some people and get away with it I think that I would. People need to wake the hell up and if they are making the same mistakes over and over again they are the ones with the problem, not someone else. Take some responsibility. You make your own bed, not lie in it. I am not perfect by any means but I know my flaws and I know that I am the only one who can correct things.

In other news...I had a breakdown Monday night. Always fun stuff. I don't even know why. Maybe so much on my mind that I just decided I should have a meltdown. It wasn't a bad meltdown or anything but still a meltdown none the less.

Last night I made baked ziti for the first time. It turned out rather well. I was quite happy with the result. I think next time I need to adjust the ingredients a bit. I'm convinced I could probably make just about anything and it turn out good. Except mac and cheese, I always manage to screw that up.

WoW is getting interesting with the new expansion weeks away. I'm excited to see how drastically things change. I've been playing the game for over 4 years now and it seems like it is going to be like a brand new game again with all the stuff going on. It gives me something to do too as winter is approaching fast.

I shall end there. I am sure things I said will strike a nerve with a few people but you know that is totally fine cause you know why? People don't care when they strike a nerve with me so it's only fair...right? I leave you guys with the video to "Leave Me Alone".


November Rain

Hello again. My first blog of November. I have all the reason in the world to dislike this month, and trust me I do. However I am trying to be as positive as I can this time around. Me positive? Ha!

So what is new with me? Not all too much really besides a little kitten driving me totally nuts lately. I realize it is because she is a kitten but dear lord she is a terror. For one thing she doesn't listen. She has absolutely no understanding of the word NO. Even if you have the spray bottle and spray her she will come back and do what she was doing in a few minutes. The only time I ever get my point across is if I raise my voice. She listens to me then. Though at 2am it is not a really good time for me to raise my voice. I'd hate to scare the crap out of my father in the middle of the night. Then again he sleeps through anything anyways. Man I wish I could sleep like that. Loco also has a tendency to wake me up in the morning too. Normally by climbing on top of me while I'm sleeping and purring really loud. Yesterday morning Ozzy was laying on top of the couch next to me and Loco was laying right beside me, it was kinda cute.

I found out that my old cat Smokey passed away at the beginning of this month. He was 11 years old and from what I understand it was sort of a sudden thing. Really sad. I know I hadn't seen him in over 5 years but he was an awesome cat. Had a human like personality and loved to be the center of attention. He will be missed by many people. RIP Smokey.

Spent quite a bit of time on WoW lately doing stuff I have not done previously. I've played the game for about 4 and a half years now and some of the stuff that was the "end game content" back then was stuff I had never done so I been venturing back to check things out. I must say that I like the old world raids and how they look compared to the raids of today. Makes me wish that I could of did some of these when they were actually raids you couldn't solo or two man. Think it would of been fun and challenging.

I haven't really been myself lately which is why I been avoiding writing a blog. Maybe it is just the whole "curse of November" coming into play. Either way it is just something I am going to have to work out for myself. A person can only be as happy as they allow themselves to be. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving though, lots of good food. Oh and the new Harry Potter comes out this month. I am so looking forward to seeing that.

Before I go I must mention my Packers. Impressive defense in the last few games gives me hopes that this team is finally getting to be the team that they should of been. This team could easily be 8-1 or even 9-0 if it wasn't for inconsistent play. They beat the Jets 9-0. I was not impressed with their offense but shutting out a team that had won 5 games in a row and while playing them on the road impressed me. They followed up with a massacre of the Cowboys 45-7. It was the breakout game I had been waiting for from this team. I felt bad for the Cowboys. They really looked like they did not want to be out there. Their coach got fired yesterday, can't say I am not surprised. The Packers are 6-3 at the moment with their bye week coming up. Lets hope they can continue down the stretch. I think they can. The only way they can prove that they are a better team without Favre would be to get deep into the playoffs or even the super bowl. Until then they still have a lot to prove.

Hopefully it won't be another week and a half until I write again. I make no promises however.


This is Halloween

Happy Halloween everyone. Been somewhat a disappointment this year but that is ok. I actually feel like I am in the halloween spirit this year, I just wish I had something to actually do this year though like a party or something. Oh well. I had picked up a Jason mask in hopes of me handing out candy but Milwaukee has retarded trick or treat times. The city times this year were 1-4 today, which is fine since it is Halloween. So 1:00 rolls around I see nothing. 25 minutes pass and still nothing. Then I looked up the times for trick or treating around the area. Where I live is in the city but near Bay View and St.Francis. Well Bay View had their times last night 5-8 and St.Francis is 2-5 today. So apparently we aren't in the city or people just weren't going out? My father then remembered at least seeing one person walking around last night. The end result is we had no one come to our door. It is disappointing. I was looking forward to handing out candy and seeing kid's costumes. Maybe it would just be easier for Milwaukee to have one specific time instead of all these places doing different times. Makes sense to me, but what do I know?

I still enjoy this holiday a lot. It is my favorite holiday of the year though I am sure I mentioned this in a previous blog. I don't remember everything I write so yeah bear with me. There are things we do that we take for granted. I stopped trick or treating as a kid when I was 9, which was 1988. I don't remember if it was cause I stopped wanting to go or people stopped wanting to take me. I was way too shy of a kid to go on my own, well I am still way too shy. It is very often that I wish I could turn back time or go back in time and do things differently. I have a firm belief that if you go back and change one thing then it would throw everything off course. I wish I could go back to experience Halloween as a little kid again and go out trick or treating and have fun. Maybe I just need to go out and make my own fun sometime again. Just cause I am older doesn't mean I can't enjoy something right? God I make myself sound like I am in my 70s at time. You are only 31 Nick!

Thinking back to my blog a few months ago about my paranormal experiences, man do I have stories I could share with people and possibly scare them. I didn't really think about that until I was on vent with one of my friends last night and I was telling her some of my ghost stories. It was freaking her out. Of course it begun to freak me out a bit myself. Remembering things that had happened and thanks to my overactive imagination. I didn't think I would get to sleep last night. I did though, and I slept decently too. I do miss going out ghost hunting though and experiencing things like that. It has been way too long. Of course this isn't the first time I have said this. Something I need to get back into someday.

I am going to end this blog with the Marilyn Manson version of "This is Halloween" from The Nightmare before Christmas movie. Enjoy!


Number 50

My 50th blog. Yay! Time to celebrate. Actually it really is not a big deal at all, I'm just having a hard time coming up with some other title for this so I figured I would use something simple. Compared to my livejournal this blog is pretty small. Overall there are 756 entries in my livejournal. Which I am honestly thinking about clearing out and deleting everything in that journal. Sure it is funny to look back on and read it but sometimes it is good just to wipe out the past completely and there are probably things in there that I would not like to remember. I don't know though cause some of those things I use to say in my old journal are a good indicator of how I may of changed over the years.

Been about a week, ok longer then that, since I last wrote anything. Not that I haven't wanted to write of course. I've had sinus issues for the past week. They have been getting better but at some points it really sucked. Best way I can describe it: felt like a fat person sitting down on my face putting pressure on my nose. Not that I know what that feels like, I'm just assuming that is what it is close to. No offense to fat people around the world, I'm one of you too. Much love to you fatties! Anyways so yeah that has been off and on for the past week. During the colder months here in Wisconsin I seem to get that once a month and it lasts usually a week. I just call it "The Nick's version of being on the rag". Once again no offense to women and their monthly visitor.

The Packers beat the Favre led Vikings last night 28-24. I am not as happy about the victory as other people are. I think people are foolish to believe that the Pack is back on track and whatnot. They barely escaped with this game. For starters one of their touchdowns was not a touchdown. The tight end clearly didn't have possession of the ball when he went down in the back of the end zone. The Minnesota coach is clearly a retard for not having challenged that play. Then later Minnesota drove down the field and scored an apparent touchdown that was called back due to a challenge on the play that the receiver did not have possession. After seeing the play a few times I call bullshit. They claim the ground caused him to gain possession of the ball. Again I call bullshit. He had trouble catching the ball at first but when he hit the ground the ball did not move at all. Had the ball moved at all as he was coming down then yeah it is not a catch. I disagree with the call but then again who am I to say what is what? Minnesota ended up with a field goal instead of the touchdown which would come into play later as if the td stood it would of been 28-28. Favre nearly pulled it out at the end but came up just short. I thought the Packers offense moved the ball better in the game but clock and game management are still pretty terrible. People also say Rodgers outplayed Favre. Are you guys really sure on that? Granted he did but Rodgers did not even look that great. 2 interceptions and some of his passes were just horrible. A win is a win though but let us see how they play against the Jets.

People are really supportive of Rodgers and saying he is the best quarterback we ever had. Joe Namath went on to say Rodgers is the 3rd best qb playing right now. I disagree. Are you telling me he is better then other quarterbacks who have won playoff games, won super bowls, etc? Rodgers is better then Favre? People are going to disagree with me but there is no way he is better then Favre. Rodgers has not proved a damn thing yet. He has the stats but in games decided under 4 points or less he has a 2-11 record. He also has no playoff victories which means no super bowl rings. Rodgers is a good quarterback but I am not going to call him great. I am also not going to say he is the best Packer qb of all time. I understand Packer fans hate Favre now and are overjoyed that we beat him last night but you have to remember all the good things he did with us. He is the only qb besides Bart Starr that led us to a super bowl title. I sound like a broken record with some of the things I say about this subject. I'm going to close this argument by saying if you really want to stick it to Favre and prove we are a better team without him then win a playoff game and/or the super bowl. The last Packer quarterback to win a playoff game other then Favre was Jan 8th of 1983. The qb at the time was Lynn Dickey.

I always find myself talking a lot about football in my blogs. It is my favorite sport and during the week I always see these people saying this and that about various things. Maybe I am a bit critical of the Packers and Aaron Rodgers but I think the points I make are pretty valid points and are pretty accurate. If people wish to disagree with me, feel free.

Halloween is coming up next Sunday. This is my favorite holiday. I love watching all the horror movies that they put on around this time of the year. Even though some horror movies still get to me a bit. I can't help it though, overactive imagination. Last year they played I believe most of the Halloween movies in a row. I like those movies quite a bit, with the exception of Halloween 3. Halloween 3 was a horrible movie and had absolutely nothing to do with Michael Myers at all. I also didn't care for the Halloween 2 remake by Rob Zombie. I liked the first remake he did, the second one though not so much. This year I may get like a Jason mask and dress up a bit and hand out candy to the trick or treaters. I know on a few occasions I have done that and I've scared a few people.

This reminds me of a story back when I worked at Publix. Oh yay story time. Yay! Don't I usually have good stories? Yes I do damn it! Anyways we were going to have a Halloween thing at work so we were allowed to wear costumes if we wanted to. I figured this would be perfect for me to not have to wear my Publix uniform. So I grabbed some grudgy type clothes and dressed up like I was Jason. How embarrassed was I to get into work and find no one else dressed up for Halloween. I literally at that moment wanted to crawl in a hole and either die or not come out for a very long time. One of the cashiers wanting to punch in made a comment like "typical man". Typical man cause I dressed up for Halloween and was wanting to have some fun? I didn't know that fun was not allowed. When the other stock clerks saw me in the back room they all thought it was pretty cool. I put on the mask and went to work. I had a lot of fun that day. I was like a main attraction cause not many people did dress up. So many people got freaked out when they turned down the frozen food aisle and saw me wearing the Jason mask. Some people literally jumped and looked like they nearly had a heart attack. It was a fun day. I still find that one woman's comment funny though. Typical man.

I'm sure I will be back with some more writings in the upcoming week until then...take care everyone. Yes I'm talking to my 2 or 3 readers!


Jesus Built My Hotrod

Before anyone asks, though I am sure some people have figured it out already, the blog is titled after a Ministry song. I'll link a youtube video of the song. Great song if you like heavy music.

I sat around thinking for awhile how to go about this blog. Should I make a title depicting how I really feel? So I get a title from a random song? I think I did too much thinking. I couldn't come up with anything clever. I know I am slipping.

I can't say I've been in a great mood. Most of it I am sure is my own doing. We are our own worse enemies. I sure know I am my own worse enemy. I do a pretty good job of hiding how I am really feeling from other people. Though there are some who can probably read me like a book most would never know that something is up with me. I wonder a lot of the time why I allow myself to even get into a slight funk. Sure it happens to everyone but what do I have to actually complain about? I mean ok I can't find a job. I really have no friends here in Milwaukee. That is really about it. I feel selfish for even feeling depressed sometimes cause if you look at other people they have so many things to be depressed or down about but yet they find a way to enjoy life and make each day count. I would love to be one of those type of people.

Last year around this time I found myself in this funk like state. Time of the year maybe? Doesn't make sense though since I love the fall, I love Halloween, it is the middle of football season, etc. At least I know though I am in control of what I am feeling so if I don't want to feel like this then I just need to stop feeling like this.

Slayer concert is tomorrow night. I got tickets months ago. I decided I am not going. I have no desire to go anymore. Will I regret that decision? I am sure that I will. Since Reva couldn't come here to visit this month I really have no one to go with. I am not going by myself. People are going to tell me just go by yourself. I just don't feel like going anymore. That may be why I am feeling a bit blah at the moment.

I have not been sleeping really good either. Weird dreams. None of which I really remember though. I was sleeping usually until like 9am or even 10am. I know people don't have the luxury of sleeping in like that so I am sure they are thinking oh boo hoo. This week I've been awake anywhere between 6am-8am. I've also been going to bed usually between 1am-2am. So yeah my sleep has been lacking. Again this could be why I'm feeling like I am in a funk.

Went shopping with my father this morning. For a place I've been trying to get a job at for such a long time now they really don't have a lot of people walking around. They only had one bagger at the registers too so I ended up bagging our groceries. Hell I am almost desperate enough to just have a paying job that I would degrade myself to bagging groceries. Not a very hard job at all and yet some of those people make it out to be the toughest job in the world. I made some comment as we were leaving that said "shit just start paying me some money and I will stand here all day and bag groceries". I happen to go by the job center thing and I noticed that they are hiring for a produce clerk. Wtf, seriously? I put in for that job a few times over the past few months. That just irked the hell out of me. Which I should of asked to talk to a manager at that point but I am not very good with talking to people when I am pissed. In fact if I am mad I tend to keep showing my anger until the person has no choice but to think I am right. Hence why when I am mad for the most part I keep it to myself or blast some really loud music.

If there is anything positive for me to say it would be that I am going to go to MATC on Monday to inquire about my GED and sign up for whatever it is I have to do before I can take the test. Step in the right direction Nick, just stick with it.

I guess there is a silver lining to all of this. I've come to the conclusion that a person is going to be as happy as they want to be or as misery as they want to be. So the trick is to flush out the negativity and bring in the positivity. Easier said then done.


The Holy Gospel according to The Nick

Jesus said to The Nick. "You are the most awesome individual alive. Seriously bro get off your fucking ass and do something useful. The people need you. Now go and spread the word my brother to the millions and millions of people who are waiting for you to do something amazing."

Ok the inspiration for that came from this book I got in the mail today. Some religious group in Washington D.C sends me a book full of gospel readings and then says please send me money. How about you send money to "First church of the Nick" instead? Seriously. Donate to me. I am awesome!

Ok so I'm in a bit of a weird mood today. If you people have not noticed that is. I've also been thinking a lot about a many different things. Not like that is any different then how I normally am. I woke up the other morning and I thought to myself why the hell am I just sitting around waiting for something good to happen. Nothing good is going to happen unless I take the time to make something happen. I know I've been looking around for a job, in time I'm sure I will find something. I'm referring to other things though. So with that being said I am going to finally check out about getting my ged. It has been long overdue the way it is. I figure I start with that then I can consider other things such as maybe taking writing classes or computer classes or just something. The point is the time for waiting around is coming to an end and the time for taking some action is coming.

I don't normally mention a lot about WoW in my blogs. That is the nerdy side of me that I am sure not a lot of people care about, well unless you are in my guild and reading this. I've finally got to a point in my mmo gaming where I do not feel stressed out. Why should anyone log on to escape their real life only to be stressed out by stuff that happens in a video game? Sadly though it happens. I found a really good guild though. Really great people. Most are pretty friendly and laid back and easy going. Though I have to admit when I first transferred servers and went to this guild I was pretty quiet and just went with the flow. I came from a guild I was running and leading raids to a guild that I was just another person. Bit of an adjustment. As time went on I've been getting to know other people and I think the shyness is going away somewhat. I'm naturally shy so it probably takes me longer then most people to open up. Unless it is me writing in this blog I keep things to myself the majority of the time. Those who really truly know me though know that I am not always a very quiet person. Anyways I get off track very quickly. I am glad to have found a home with the guild I am in on WoW.

Ok enough nerd stuff for now. It appears my Packers are in serious trouble. The next 6 games, even though they are playing a few 1-3 teams, looks pretty rough. Rodgers might not even play against the Dolphins. Great. So going with only 2 quarterbacks on the roster may not be such a good idea anymore? I am really beginning to believe this season may be lost already. Too many injuries, horrible play calling, inconsistent playing, etc. I am not saying they can't turn it around but if you watch this team play there are no signs of this being the super bowl team everyone thought them to be. Let's hope I am wrong. Though as we all know by now, am I really ever wrong? Ok thats a joke people...laugh damn it!

Yesterday eight years ago was the first time I ever went on a ghost hunt. It has also been about five years since the last time I went out ghost hunting. So sad. Someday I really need to get back into doing that. Like I said there is always stuff going on around me and it is interesting to me. Last night for example I went downstairs to go to the bathroom about 1am or so. In my sister's old room there is a touch lamp. When I had went in there it was off. When I came out I was in the kitchen for a little bit then I noticed there was a light on in that room. It was the same touch lamp that was just off. Ok so maybe the cats could of turned it on by screwing around on the table? Of course, if they were in that room and not in the kitchen with me. Maybe the bulb is about to die or something? Possibly. The fact is touch lamps in this house go on and off by themselves all the time. Do touch lamps really have a mind of their own? I am going to have to say no but feel free to disagree with me.

Ok so I have spread the word of the Lord for today. Peace be with you my brothers and sisters. Amen.


The Rage

"Like a tiger in the cage
We begin to shake with rage"

Good song by Judas Priest. Totally describes some of my emotions from today. Quite sad cause most of it is from watching a stupid football game. Can't help it sometimes. Football is my favorite sport to watch and I have been watching it for years so sometimes yeah I really get into it.

The Packers game today left me with a sour taste in my mouth. It was a game they should of won but with the way they played they deserved to lose. The team at the moment is plagued with injuries and whatnot. I don't think that should decimate the team though. Other people just need to step up. I think it is more of a mental thing really. A player goes down and automatically it is the end of the world. I blame poor coaching for that. When players go down I think it should be up to the coaches to say ok so we have had bad luck with injuries but let's just get some other people to step up and perform. Make it a point to let other players know that if someone goes down they get a chance to step in and shine.

In my last blog I talked about Aaron Rodgers, now I'm going to mention him again. I don't think I am being too hard on him and if someone is going to come along and say "I'd like to see you go out there and put yourself in his shoes". Don't bother telling me that. I am not a professional football player, however I have been watching it for 23 years so yeah I have some of my own opinions on things. He was one of the main reasons why the Packers blew the game against the Redskins. You have the ball with less then a minute left in the game and you are driving down the field. He runs for a first down but instead of being smart about it he doesn't run out of bounds. Then they waste like 8 seconds or so deciding if they should call a timeout. If he went out of bounds they would of gotten at least another play to drive them closer to a field goal. Instead they didn't and Crosby misses a field goal. You know what? When they lined up for the field goal I said he was going to miss. I was right. I hate being right but I just knew how this game was going to go. Then in overtime Rodgers throws an interception. Few plays later the Redskins kick a game winning field goal. Not a shocker. Rodgers has yet to prove to me that he can play in the close games and come out on top. If you want to see what I mean take a look at the 2008 season. They lost I believe 7 games by 7 points or less and in all 7 games we had a chance to win but it could not be done. Look at the playoff loss to Arizona last season in overtime. Rodgers fumbles the ball and Arizona runs it in for a touchdown to win the game. The irony of this is Favre was notorious for making some bad decisions that cost the Packers games. This is something that is repeated all the time when they bring up how Favre is. Now can someone honestly tell me Rodgers has not done the same exact thing?

I know the Packers have more problems stemming deeper then the play of their quarterback. I am however really critical of the play of the quarterback because I am reminded all the time that people in this state love Rodgers and feel he is a superior player to Favre. I really don't know what kind of drugs people are on but pass some this way, seriously. I know Packer fans are all bent out of shape cause of what Favre has done the past few years but you guys really need to get over it already and focus on what the Packers currently have. Someone online made some kind of comment on this message board saying that Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback the Packers have had since Don Majkowski. Are you serious? Do you know how much I laughed when I read that? The majik man was descent but he wasn't "great". The Packers had one good year with him at qb. Then the next few years he was injured. So Favre never existed as a Packer then? I guess we didn't win a super bowl with him. I must of dreamt that. My bad. Rodgers is a good quarterback but until further notice he is just good, not great. Certainly not the best quarterback the Packers ever had.

The Favre sex picture scandal is pretty interesting too. Sports players, celebrities, etc do think they are above everyone else and can get away with doing anything. I find it funny that it took about two years for this incident to come out in the open and it is not even being confirmed by the chick who claims all of this. Makes me wonder though how many guys out there do stuff such as this and nothing ever gets said. If I had a big penis I would probably text pictures of it to chicks. Ok maybe not but I can guarantee a lot of guys would. So what if he really did? Is this worse then a NFL player getting accused or rape? Or murder? Or the whole Vick thing? We hold these celebs to a higher standard then most people but I also think they we have this sense that they shouldn't be able to mess up or do something that is out of the ordinary. They are human after all. Also did you ever think that this whole thing came out cause maybe someone is pissed off that Favre only lasted on the Jets for one year?

Remember my thoughts and opinions are my own. Disagree with them, agree with them, bash them, hate them, etc. In the end I can say what I want cause this is my blog!

Otherwise not a lot else to say at the moment. I've said what I wanted to about a few things and I rather not make this a terribly long blog so I'm going to end it there. Who knows you might see another update tomorrow.

I leave you with the song "The Rage". Enjoy.



Yes people there is a story behind the title. I was on WoW yesterday, yes I am a nerd there is no need to point it out to me, and I am reading trade channel. Sometimes trade channel adds this sort of humor to the game while you are bored. Yesterday proved that statement correct. There was this guy who was looking to do a 25 man raid for Naxx. (I am not going to go into explanation on what the hell that is). Naxx was the beginning raid of the expansion. Pretty much easy and everyone over gears it. He was looking for "elite" people cause as he put it he didn't want to carry baddies. Baddies are people who aren't really good at the game and don't know what to do with their class. Anyways some shit talking starts in trade. This guy thinks he is God of WoW or something. Though I play WoW a lot it is not something I would necessarily brag about to other people. Then the humorous stuff follows. He starts linking random achievements and gear he has achieved on the game. After every piece of gear or achievement he links he follows with "get on my level". He kept at this for a good amount of time. Someone would say something back and he replies with "get on my level". It might not seem funny to most people but I found it pretty amusing. All I have to really say is that whatever level of retardation this guy has I don't want to be on the same level as him.

You know though the whole "get on my level" thing would be funny to randomly scream at people for various things. Like for example:

'You can't comprehend my awesomeness...GET ON MY LEVEL!!"
"You know you really suck at life you should GET ON MY LEVEL!!"
"Nick how do you get so many chicks? Teach me your ways! Well it is simple really, all you have to do is GET ON MY LEVEL!!"

Ok I'll stop. You people get my point.

We keep the bathroom door closed so the cats don't go in it. Well mainly for Loco so she doesn't get into trouble in there. She apparently does like the bathtub though. Anyways my father leaves for awhile and I come downstairs to grab something to eat. I hear Loco meowing. I couldn't find her. Then I thought to myself well maybe she is in the bathroom. Sure enough before my father left he did not realize she was in the bathroom and he closed her in there. Poor cat. I don't think she was in there too long though. Was kinda funny though. How counterproductive though. You want to keep her out of the bathroom and instead she gets trapped in there.

So today I am feeling a bit bummed out. Reva was suppose to come in today and be here until the 18th but yeah that didn't work out. I'm sure she is pretty bummed and pissed off about the whole thing. I was really looking forward to seeing her again and now I have to wait probably another 6 months or so. I guess in the end it could always be worse. But still that statement doesn't technically help all too much. I'll deal. I'll find some midget porn to keep me occupied.

I have to talk football for a little bit. If people disagree with me then that is cool. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions just as I am. This isn't about Favre either, for a change. My Packers are 3-1. Should they be 3-1? With the way they are playing I am going to say no. This was supposed to be everyone's pick to represent the NFC in the super bowl. Ok so the season is still early yet but let's take a look back at the last Packer team that won the super bowl in 96. They were favored to go to the super bowl. They came out and just stomped the hell out of most teams they faced. There was no remorse at all. They had various injuries through the year but they went 13-3 and went on to beat New England 35-21 in the super bowl. Packers are faced with injuries again this year and it just seems like there is no aggressiveness in that team. They played the Bears and were aggressive in that game but it resulted in countless penalties which costed them the game. Then against a Detriot team that has won like 2 games in the past 2 years they looked like they were just out there. Not even trying. It was just like they were out there practicing. They nearly lost. They got lucky. I picked the Packers to go to the super bowl this year but all I have to say is if they don't start improving they won't be there so I think it is time for them to shut up about the super bowl and just take one game at a time. Dominant your opponents one by one then see where that takes you. Take a lesson from the 96 Packers cause if they don't make it there I will be highly disappointed.

On to the next subject. Aaron Rodgers being called an elite quarterback. The guy is great. He has put up good numbers in the few seasons he has been starting. He is mobile and has a great arm. However the whole being an elite quarterback I am not so sure of. To me being an elite quarterback would be a guy who can lead his team into the playoffs year after year but not only take them there but win playoff games and maybe even get them into the super bowl. This is why I feel as if the label of elite quarterback is a bit too much right now. Rodgers last year did lead the Packers into the playoffs but he has yet to win a playoff game. Before I can label him as an elite quarterback I think he needs to get into the playoffs and win. Until that happens I can not see the elite quarterback status that everyone tosses around. He will get there someday I'm sure until then I will just call him "a good quarterback".

By the way since I always hear the comparison about Rodgers and Favre I have my own two cents to add to it. Yes Rodgers had better stats his first 2 years compared to Favre. He threw for 4,000 yards 2 years in a row, Favre did not. More tds, less int, better rating, etc. The list goes on. However here is one thing you never hear in any of the comparisons. Rodgers first playoff game with the Packers resulted in a loss. Favre's first playoff game with the Packers was a win. Compare the two all you want people but that last comparison in the end is what really matters. Winning matters, not stats. Sure Favre choked in big games. He also lost a super bowl as a Packer. He also did win one. Regardless of how much people hate or dislike him don't forget he was a key part in turning this organization around.

On that note I shall end this. Three blogs so far this week for me. Getting there. Not that it means I write anything worth while or anything but w/e.




Hello everyone. Nick is back again for yet another pointless meaningless blog! Oh come on Nick you know some people enjoy your blogs and it gives them something to do. It is nice to have readers and all but totally not why I write for. I realize what I may find important to say might not be necessarily important to another person. With that being said here we go again.

So I am in Target yesterday buying the Nightmare on Elm Street remake and this guy comes up to me and wants to sell me his $15 gift card for 15 dollars. He needed money apparently. He said he would stand in line with me to verify that it was a legit card. I could of been an ass about it but I declined nicely. Want to know what I was thinking? Of course you do.

1) I don't know you dude, don't talk to me. Go away!
2) Cause I don't know you I sure as hell am not giving money to you even if it is legit.
3) I had no money to give in the first place.
4) You sure you aren't a child molester or a sex offender or something cause you sure as hell look like you could be one.
5) How do I know you didn't beat the shit out of an old lady to get her gift card?
6) I am not standing in line with some weird guy that I do not know.
7) Don't talk to me. You aren't cool enough to associate with me. I'm too awesome for you to comprehend.
8) Fuck off!!
9) PWMB!!

I kinda made some of those up as I went along, you know to add a little bit of humor to the story. Seriously though if I do not know you chances are I am not going to trust that I am not going to get fucked in the end. Would someone of done differently then what I did?

Watched Nightmare on Elm Street remake yesterday afternoon. Why is it that Freddy after all these years still manages to bother me? As I think about it though it is horror movies in general. Well not all of them but stuff with like ghosts, demons, Freddy, etc bother me. I blame it on my overactive imagination. That and given some of the stuff I've seen in my life I think movies through my imagination into this loop that causes me to over think things. I did manage to get a descent amount of sleep last night but still.

Some of my actual nightmares I have with Freddy in them are not even bad at all. One of the last times he appeared in my dreams he wanted me to help him kill people but in order to do that he forced me to have sex with this really hot chick. Really? That's all I had to do to hang out with Freddy and kill people with him? Well shit sign me up! If banging a hot chick was the difference between life or death I don't think I would think twice about it. Sorry Reva!

Took Ozzy to the vet today. He is doing just fine. He is a big cat though. He weighs about 14.3 lbs atm. He is healthy though and the vet said his weight is not really a problem. Disappointing though that there were no hot chicks at the vet's office. I am definitely in the wrong state. Fuck you Wisconsin! I am just kidding for the most part, or am I?

People think facebook is evil. It is, however I've managed to find a bunch of people I use to go to school with, some other old friends, and relatives. Though I may not talk to them much it is always nice to know people are still alive. A old friend of mine found me over the weekend. I haven't talked to him in like 13 years I believe. Time flies by so quickly. His name was Dan and he was the inspiration for the "Ode to Dan" song I wrote back in high school. I don't even remember why I wrote it. Probably cause he was being a dick or something and I thought it would be good payback. I do have the song on my other computer and I made a lame video for it. I should share it with everyone some day. Either people will think its stupid and immature or they will find it funny. Back in high school people liked it though.

Anyways I am out for now. More blogs to come as I am full of things to say now a days. Which I have not decided is a good or bad thing yet. What do you people think?



It is now officially fall. Certainly feels like it outside too. I believe it went into almost the upper 30s overnight here. I'm going to have to take a walk around and see the leafs changing colors.

Ever hear the song 'October' by Evanescence? I think it is a pretty good song. Then again I'm partial to Evanescence and well Amy Lee. Hey people are allowed to have a celebrity crush, mine just happens to be Amy Lee. I absolutely love her voice. I like naming blogs after songs but I never usually share the song with people. I'm changing my ways, for this blog at least. Here is a youtube video of the song 'October". I hope my 1-2 readers enjoy.

This day is off to an awesome start though. First I came downstairs at like 7am to go to the bathroom and there was cat puke on the floor. I cleaned that up and went back upstairs to go back to sleep. Just now I went downstairs to see what the cats were up to and what did I do? I stepped right in cat puke. Yay! I suppose though if that is the only real thing I have to complain about then that is a good thing.

There is this short story writing contest where the grand prize is $1,000 dollars and your story gets published in a magazine. Some honorable mentions get published too. This is something I could totally do. Back in grade school I had a series of short stories that I had written. It was called "The Mud Monsters". People liked the stories but I never thought they were good. Do I ever think anything I do is good though? The stories were centered around me and my friends. We would battle monsters threatening to kill us and then in the end we would be looked upon as heroes as we stopped the monsters. Of course we also always got the females too. Yes even in 4th grade I was writing stories that involved "hooking up" with females. Back to the point though. Totally something I can do. I can come up with something and submit it. Good enough to win? Sure, why not? I have tons of ideas brewing inside my head. I can come up with something brilliant. I mean it is me after all.

Ever notice how when people change they really seem like a person that you never actually knew? I'm not going to use a specific person as an example. Like say you are with someone and you are living in a cold weather state such as Wisconsin. While they are with you they hate the state. They can't stand the cold, can't stand the snow, get sick all the time, etc. Years down the road you are no longer with them but now all of a sudden they love living in a cold weather state. They love the snow and now they can never picture themselves living in a warm weather state. This person while they are with you couldn't stand a lot of various different things. Like they didn't like dancing, or a certain movie, a certain band, certain foods, etc. Then suddenly they aren't with you anymore and now they like all of those things. Here is my take on all of it. They never liked being around you in the first place. Anything you liked they disliked because they either weren't happy or they just weren't into you that much. Therefore as an attempt to distance themselves from you to make it seem like you two have nothing in common they hate everything that you like. When they are finally away from you they feel like they can now act like the person they want to be. It is rather amusing to be totally honest. If you don't like the person you are with or you don't want to be around them then just don't be with them. It is that simple.

People who are also double standard I find funny and yet interesting. It is ok for them to say or think a certain way but another person feels that way then oh my god it is the end of the world. Lets use the "freedom of speech" card as an example. Someone doesn't like Obama. Before I go any further I am glad I am really never been interested in politics so really I never have an opinion on the subject. That is my choice. Anyhow someone doesn't like Obama so they express. Someone else comes along and says I like Obama don't be bashing them. The person who likes doesn't like Obama comes out with the freedom of speech card and says I can say whatever I want whether it be negative or not. A 3rd person comes along and like me they are not interested in politics at all. They really just don't pay attention to anything and they go with the flow. They have no opinion to voice. Now the non-Obama supporter with the freedom of speech card comes out and degrades the non political person by saying that is what is wrong with the country, people not stepping up and trying to improve things. Wait though why would it be ok for the non-Obama supporter to speak their mind about this and that but the non political person is in the wrong for not having an opinion at all. If we are going by the whole freedom of speech argument shouldn't he be in titled to his own opinion and way of thinking? Isn't it a bit double standard to say that what he is doing is wrong cause he does not show support one way or another but in turn you tell someone else you have your own rights cause you are in titled to freedom of speech. Isn't he in titled too or am I missing something?

It is funny sometimes looking at what other people say or do. People would tell me to just worry about my own life. That is just fine if people would want to say that but...I am in titled to my own opinions. You know, the whole freedom of speech thing? It is also something that was on my mind so I figured I would just write about it a bit. I, like always, have plenty more I want to say but I'm going to end it at that. Once again my thoughts and my views are not about anyone specific. Though I am sure someone might think it is.

Until next time take care my loyal 1 or 2 readers!


The Wait

Patience. It's a virtue right? Something in which I am sure a lot of people lack, including myself. Though over the years I think I've improved in being patient. Doesn't it just suck waiting for things though regardless of what it might be. So here is my current dilemma. For the next six months I am going to have to learn how to be patient.

October was going to be a great month. It is getting cooler outside and the leafs are changing color and are falling. Football season is back. I was going to a concert next month. Most importantly Reva was going to be coming back here to see me. In fact a week from today. Things change though and things don't always go according to how we would like them to. Such is life though I suppose. Without going into much detail Reva can't get the time off so she won't be coming here.

Disappointing? Yes. Bummed out? Yes. End of the world? I don't think this will effect the world ending. Before I go on a rampage that says feel sorry for me and everything I really feel bad for her. She got screwed with non refundable tickets. So she is out quite a bit of money. It really sucks.

The question now is when do I get to see her next? The answer...most likely not until April now. Which is half a year away yet. It will also mean that it will be nearly a year in between us seeing each other. I'm happy to have her in my life just the distance thing really does truly blow. The plan now is for me to go to see her. Which I'm looking forward to. Getting to see a place I've never seen before. Getting to go to Canada again, which I have not done since I was 12. So about 20 years. So in the end things happen and they become out of our control but all is not lost and in the end all you need to do is have a little patience and faith....and well in my case a passport so I can actually go to Canada.

All I can do now is sit here and wait for April to come here. Hence the title of my blog "The Wait". April is my birthday though so that would be a good birthday present. I am turning 32 this upcoming April. Jesus Christ time flies by way too quickly. Before you know it I will be writing that I am turning 40. That is scary to think about.

In other news, as of today we have had Ozzy for a year. Yay. He is a really good and sweet cat. He is trying really hard to get along with the new addition to the house. Ozzy has done a good job though. For the most part Ozzy is pretty well behaved cat. Which is good. Maybe in time I will say the same thing about Loco but as of right now I really can't. Loco is only 11 weeks old though. In time she will calm down. At least i hope so.

With Reva not coming here next month I have a problem with my concert tickets. I really do not like the idea of going alone to see Slayer, Megadeth, and Anthrax. Problem is I do not know anyone to really go with. I think I will ask my sister Cindy. She seems like she would be my one and only option atm. Might be nice to hang out with her and whatnot anyways.

Nothing really exciting to add. Though I think soon people will get a glimpse at my first shot at an actual "writing". No I am not referring to a blog. I am talking about an actual story in which yes I would like to be a book. Yes I've said this before but this time I really do mean it. The working title for my story is "Into the Void". Yes it is not an original title as I got it from one of my favorite Black Sabbath songs but it is at the moment only a working title. I think it is fitting however until maybe I can think of a more creative name. "How to teabag midgets" could work too, well not really since the book has absolutely nothing to do with midgets.

Anyways I am out for now. I've done pretty good updating my blog the past few months. Just keep it up Nick. Maybe I need to do something different or unique for a future blog. How about a video blog? I am wondering how well that would work. Would people actually want to see my ugly face? Then again sometimes people have a way of surprising me.


Five Years Gone

It has been five years since I was last in sunny, warm, and humid Florida. I left for Milwaukee and since then I have not returned to Florida once. Actually I haven't really left Wisconsin since I've been here. Just one time actually, when I went to Georgia to see Andrew two years ago. Hopefully in the near future this will change.

To a point I miss Florida. Despite some of the "not so good times" I had alot of fun there. I also had some descent friends, some of which I have not seen for five years. Plus I had my own apartment. Man do I miss living on my own. It was so fun. Plus I got to walk around naked whenever the heck I wanted. It is good to remember the fun times I had. At least I am not focusing on the bad?

So five years...what have I exactly accomplished? When I thought of this question earlier before I started this blog I had a list of somewhat negative things. I'm not going to list that. It wouldn't be productive of me to focus on negative. So only positives.

Since moving to Milwaukee:
-My blogging/journals have turned from bitchy depressive whining fests to a little more positive upbeat entries. (at least I'd like to think so, if anyone wants to challenge me on that feel free)
-I gave up drinking regular soda. I think this was one big change for me. I would drink soda like crazy. I stopped. For the most part all I ever drink now a days is water or crystal light lemonade.
-I'm in a really good relationship. Sure it is not exactly perfect and there are things that could make it even better but in the end I found someone who is really good for me.
-I'm getting closer to making my first book/story happen. I've been pretty quiet about this up until now but I am confident that I am getting closer to making this dream of mine a reality.
-I finally realized that blaming people for my problems is just not the correct way of doing things. Sure people help me down the road I go but ultimately everything falls on me. If something happens it is up to me to stay on the right track. If I can not do that then I only have myself to blame.

I don't know, I think that is an ok list. I'll get things figured out one day. If it takes me a long time, then so be it. Better late then never.

We thought we had lost Loco this past Friday. In the living room we have this toy with bells on it. Normally when you ring them she comes running in the room. Well we didn't know where she was and I tried ringing these bells repeatedly and she wasn't coming to them. So I got worried. I looked all over the house and I found nothing. I never did look under the couch because I figured if she was there she would of heard the bells and she would of came running. My father did say at one point he did go outside. We feared the worse. We went driving around the block for like 10 minutes or so and we couldn't see anything. I was really upset. Pretty much about to break down into tears. She is only 10 weeks old and such a small thing that she probably wouldn't last very long outside. So I was pretty upset. We got home and I went into the sun room for a second. As I walked out of the sun room there she was right by the couch looking at me. She was underneath the couch. Why she never responded to the bells is beyond me. Needless to say my anxiety had skyrocketed. Which caused me to have chest pains and whatnot for the next three days. Anxiety certainly does suck.

This I believe is a good place to stop. I'll be back again soon though. I have more to say. Until then take care to all my readers. You know, the one or two people who actually do read this.


Rock you like a Hurricane

I'd like to congratulate both of my brothers. My brother Jay and his wife Collette just celebrated their 18th anniversary. My brother Bobby and his life Leanne just celebrated their 23rd anniversary. Nice to see couples who can stay together for a pretty long time. Then you get to someone like me and I was married less then a year. lol. I just find it funny. I am the first and the only person in my family to get a divorce. Let's hope when I get married the second time around I won't go through that again.

Weather has been descent here. However tomorrow it is suppose to be warm and humid again. Just freaking awesome. I mean why not wait until I finally disconnect and put away my air conditioner. Oh wait, it did wait! I just finally decided to put it away cause I figured the warm weather was done. Apparently I was wrong. Oh well. What can you do?

My Packers are off to a 2-0 start. Woot. They dominated the Bills 34-7. Of course it wasn't until after halftime that they dominated. Next up is the Bears on Monday night football. It should be a good game. Probably end up being close but I think the Packers should win. Keep it up boys, I want to see you in the super bowl.

Well I've been out of work for 5 years now. I really can not believe it has been that long. Where was the time went to? I'm trying to break the streak. I really want to break the streak. I'm frustrated at the moment with the progress I am making though. But I just have to keep on trying. Never give up.

It was during September of 04, 6 years ago, that I went through two hurricanes. I never thought of hurricanes to be a big deal. I guess that is because the majority of my life I have lived in Wisconsin so of course it didn't effect me much. I did however have my life turned somewhat upside and inside out two times within three weeks back in Sept of 04.

The first hurricane was hurricane Frances. This storm was a monster at one point. 145 mph winds and was heading straight towards West Palm Beach. 2 days before it made landfall I was a wreck. I guess I never thought of the severity of a hurricane until it was coming right towards us. I remember working at Publix and the store was a mad house. People buying up everything they could before the storm came in. Water, milk, canned goods, etc. Of course being in frozen food I was not busy at all. Can't really buy frozen food for a hurricane. I had a breakdown cause I was scared about what was going to happen within the next few days.

On Friday, the day before the storm was going to make landfall, we went through the motions of preparing to leave the apartment to go by Jen's mom's apartment to ride out the hurricane. We decided to not stay in the apartment. They wouldn't let us put up any type of protection from the storm. No wood to board up the windows, nothing at all. We were allowed to put duct tape on the windows just in case you know the window cracked or something. Yep cause that will survive against 100 mph winds. The big concern was the big sliding glass doors in the living room. If something happened to those the apartment would definitely be in trouble.

During the day on Friday the first rain bands made their way on shore. For me seeing the first rain band ever from a hurricane was a memorable experience. It is just like a normal storm but the band of clouds and rain come in so fast and swirl around the eye. It was fasicinating to me so I grabbed the video camera. Which of course now I can not find this tape. It was just a little bit of rain and wind. Didn't last too long. We ended up going by her mother's house. During the course of the night we had more periodic rain bands come in but overall not too bad.

Saturday is when things started to "heat up". The wind and rain got a bit heavier. Of course at some point we lost power. The storm downgraded to a cat 2 with 105 mph winds. Which is alot better then the 145 mph winds it did have. The bad part was the storm slowed down to basically stalled right on top of us. So that left it for us to get pounded with wind and rain for countless hours. I remember going outside with the dog walking around in the wind and the rain. I wouldn't say the wind was very strong, maybe like 30-40 mph or so. Finally at some point later that night the storm made landfall. The winds and the rain got heavier. I did go outside when it finally made landfall. The winds at this point was very strong. Probably 60 mph easily. I stood in the hallway instead of standing out in the open. God forbid I get hit in the head with a tree or something.

The aftermath. On Sunday we decided that it was safe enough to drive home. We got to our road which was like a mini lake. I know in some spots the water was pretty deep but not too bad. It went down after awhile. There were branches and whatnot scattered all over the place. Some places weren't so lucky. Trees down and other various damage. We were without power and well for an entire day we were without water. Over the course of the next five days we would get power and then lose it. It was pretty annoying from what I can remember. I stayed away from work for a few days and when I did go back that Wednesday I learned that I had lost everything in frozen food. So I was blessed with the task of pulling everything off the shelves, cleaning the shelves, and then shooting away the frozen food that was left on the shelves. Frozen food was kinda fun for a few days. Nothing to do until they reset my aisles. When the frozen food truck came in on Saturday I had alot of people help out in restocking the shelves. It was really nice to have the help. That was also the biggest truck that I had ever seen.

Hurricane Jeanne. I'll begin this one with a little bit of a funny story. Sometimes I have the tenancy to think something or say something and then it comes true. This happens quite a bit in regards to me talking about a movie I haven't seen for quite awhile. Then like a day or two later I see it on the guide for it to be coming on. Anyways they weren't happy with what was going on in frozen food. I had just started to rebuild after losing everything due to the hurricane. They wanted me to overstock the shelves. So I agreed to it. I went to order my truck and it came out to be 900 pieces. Ok mind you this was on a Tuesday nearly three weeks after Frances. My normal trucks for frozen food were 200 to sometimes 400 pieces. So 900 was way more then what I normally ordered. After I put in my order I said "you know now that I am ordering so much shit watch a hurricane head right for us". To this day I wish I would of kept my mouth shut. On Wednesday hurricane Jeanne which was not even heading in our direction did a complete turnaround and was now going to hit us over the weekend.

My truck came in on Thursday and I started stocking it and then was told just to put everything in the cooler and not stock in. Which of course I was super happy about that. I then asked them if I should go as far as to start pulling the stuff off the shelves and put it into my coolers. They said I didn't have to go that far. Of course by Saturday they changed their mind.

On Saturday, the day the hurricane was suppose to hit, I went into work. Jen was freaking out cause I went to work. She thought I should of been at home since we had a hurricane coming towards us. We also decided it would be safe to stay in our apartment this time around. Anyways I get to work and I see a ton of people in frozen food and they are removing all of my stuff. It was decided to move as much as we could into the frozen food cooler as the storm was going to hit us directly and overnight went to a cat 3 storm with over 120 mph winds. My frozen food cooler was stuffed and it was an absolute nightmare. Of course I was a bit mad. I mean why couldn't we of started this days before? Why wait until the day of the hurricane to move all of my shit? We shut the store down early and we tried to move as much as we could. The storm was about to hit.

Got home and it was pretty much play the waiting game. Wait the storm out and hope for the best. With no protection on the windows it was going to be interesting to see how the apartment was going to hold up. As the day progressed the wind got stronger and the rain got heavier. We were lucky to have had power for most of it until about 845 at night. Of course this is when things got worse. As soon as the power went off the wind and rain got worse. I said to Jen that I will not go through another hurricane again, this is too much to handle. As the eye got closer to land the storm got worse. The apartment was shaking back and forth, as was the sliding glass door. Jen took some sleeping pills to fall asleep. Me on the other hand I just laid there in the bedroom listening to the wind and the rain. I don't recall ever feeling so scared in my life. As the winds got stronger the apartment shoke back and forth louder. The winds I say were probably about 100 mph. You could hear the winds roaring over the building and the sounds of things being tossed around. The sliding glass door in the living room was making a ton of noise. As was our front door. I prayed to God to give me strength to make it out of this alive. The wind was so strong you could hear the windows start to make this noise like they were bowing inward. I was waiting for the windows to break at any moment. Then as the eye made landfall and passed north of us the winds changed directions. As the winds changed directions a lot of the noises I heard sounded a bit calmer. Instead of the winds blowing right into our building they were roaring over the building now in the opposite direction. Which was good as the winds were not directly hitting our windows anymore. Finally at some point during the night I did manage to fall asleep.

After the storm we were without power for not even a full day. Alot more damage with this storm. Fortunately for us nothing was damaged. We did dodge a bullet though. In front of our apartment building by the stairs there was a pretty big tree trunk. This trunk actually blew right over the building and landed in front of the building. I can't imagine what would of happened had it not flown over the building and instead flew right through the building.

I was called on Sunday by my store manager saying I had to be at work on Monday. Of course I was scheduled off but I still went anyways. I didn't lose all my frozen food this time around. I did lose some stuff though. I remember everyone working in frozen food and our store manager helping out and even giving us free ice cream to eat while we were working. The worse part of everything was the fact that alot of my ice cream had melted onto the shelves. That was just totally awesome cleaning all of that shit up. It could of always been a lot worse.

Overall though looking back at it I am thankful to have experienced that and lived to talk about it. Lots of people go through natural disasters and other various things and never get a chance to share their experiences with others. I consider myself lucky.

In closing, here is a funny thought for everyone. Before I got married in April of 2004 West Palm Beach hadn't gotten directly hit by a hurricane in a very long time. I forgot the exact time but it was pretty long. While I was married in September of 04 Palm Beach was directly hit by two hurricanes within three weeks. In Feb of 05 I got a divorce. Since then, even though they did have hurricane Wilma go over them, Palm Beach has not been hit directly with a hurricane. So there you have it, my marriage caused Palm Beach to get hit with 2 hurricanes.

That last paragraph is meant to be a joke but it is something funny to consider. Until next time, take care everybody.


I Remember

Friday night. Nothing special going on as usual. But I guess that is just how it goes sometimes. I can remember back when I was in school I always looked forward to Fridays. It meant the weekend was here and there was usually something going on. Now a days though, not even close to being the same anymore.

My friends usually stayed over most weekends. They always liked coming here to sleepover. On a rare occasion I would stay at one of their houses. The difference with staying here was I lived in the basement. There was always a ton of room down there. I had my big bed, a descent size couch, a reclining chair, and then another S-shaped bed. I forgot what they are called but people did actually sleep on it. We always had fun with our sleepovers. I personally think they just wanted to come over to watch my porn movies. I had a descent collection when I was a teenager. Usually I would put it on for them and then walk away and go upstairs talk to my mom or something. I dunno, there was just something weird to me sitting around with a bunch of guys watching a porn together. Sausage fest. Does that make me weird cause I wouldn't watch porn with my friends? I just never felt comfortable with it.

Usually when they would sleep over the next day we usually went out and about. South ridge mall mainly. We would take buses to get out there. We even did it during a pretty descent snowstorm. Waiting two hours at a bus stop in heavy snow was definitely a lot of fun. Sometimes we thought it would be fun to try and dodge the oncoming traffic on 76th street. One time in particular I tripped over a pothole with cars coming. I thankfully maintained my balance and didn't fall. One of the biggest things with us was buying walk mans and seeing who could come up with the best sounding system. It was fun to compete against each other. I believe it was usually me who came out on top. I had to always have a loud system to blow my ear drums out. Maybe that is why I'm hard of hearing? Nah, I pass it off as selective hearing.

One of the funniest sleepovers we had took place in this house of course. Jeff, Brent, and Collin slept over. We were all camping out in the living room. That night we decided to torment whomever went to sleep first. Jeff was the first victim. When he fell asleep Collin put pencils up his nose and then we took my socks and put them on his head. Jeff woke up and was mad. The next victim was Brent. What was done to him was way worse. First we started off with the pencils in the nose. Then we put all kinds of random shit in his hair. Sour cream, soy sauce, ketchup I believe, and a few other things I am sure. Then we decided to take some ice cubes and put them down his pants and then his shirt. Minutes later you just hear and see a bunch of ice cubes flying across the room. Then the final act was putting toothpaste in his ear. That is what woke him up. After he woke up and cleaned himself off he came back into the living room. There was silence in the room. You could just sense something was going to happen. Brent then got really upset about the entire thing. He started bitching and then practically crying. He then asked "How would you like it if I did that shit to you guys?". I took one look at Collin and he was about to laugh. I had to walk away and go into another room and I busted out laughing. Not much was said the rest of the night. The next morning Brent said to me he was sorry and the entire thing wasn't a big deal. I don't know if I could of shrugged it off like he did.

There is one event that gets an honorable mention. It was for my 14th birthday. I had Jeff and I believe Brent over. I don't recall everything that went on that night except for one thing in particular. Me and Jeff were in the kitchen with my sister Mary. We had big three litter bottles of cola and Jeff decides it would be a good idea to start shaking it up. Mary kept telling him to stop but when he did he would start up again. He kept doing this when suddenly the cap exploded off the bottle and went flying into the living room. Soda came shooting out all over the place. The walls in the kitchen were pretty well soaked with cola. He went running to the sink with the bottle to try to control the explosion. All I remember doing is just standing here laughing my ass off and was amazed at how far that cap flew. The next morning we spent a portion of my birthday cleaning down the walls. In the end though it was worth it because it was definitely a funny moment worth remembering.

Those were definitely some fun times though. I've always said that I've been through alot in my life, but really who hasn't. What I may fail to mention is that despite alot of things that haven't played out the way I would like it to I still have some good and fun memories for quite a bit of things. It is good to remember and share those times with people.

In other news...Loco is well crazy. Hence the name Loco. I heard this thumping going on by the door so I went to check it out and he is right above the stairs to go into the basement just randomly jumping around into the wall. This cat definitely does have a bit of a personality but it sure can make life interesting.

Went out for Chinese earlier today. The food was pretty good. I felt weird being in there however. We were the only ones in the place who were speaking in English. Ok so I realize it is a Chinese place, however no one was talking in Chinese. It was mainly Spanish. It doesn't bother me that much to be completely honest, I just felt like I was in a foreign country for a little bit there.

Perfect job came and went. Filled it already. Hooray! Woot! Another missed opportunity. It's ok cause eventually even though I get kicked down I am going to get right back up and make it happen. Just wait and see.

Otherwise nothing else is really going on. Same ole stuff, different day. Taking a little trip down memory lane was nice. Maybe I should do it more often. Not everything has to be doom and gloom all the time, or depressive sounding, or angry, or hating the world. Well that isn't how I want people to see me at least.



How nice is this? Sitting outside on the bench on the porch writing. This is exactly why I wanted the laptop for. It is gorgeous out here. Bit of a breeze, not many clouds in the sky, kinda cool. It's absolutely perfect. Can't really complain all too much, or can I?

The new kitty is working out fine. We named her Loco. She is already pretty attached to me. Follows me around and tries to sleep with me at night time. She is a really sweet and playful kitty. Ozzy and her are still getting use to each other. It's a work in progress but they will get there. She went to the vet today and checked out just fine. Good deal.

Nothing really new is going on. I feel like I have so much I could possibly say though. Do I keep it to myself or do I just let it out? Combination of both possibly. Some things may be better left unsaid or some things may be better not said at all as to not dwell on things I may not have control over. If that makes any sense?

I can't say I'm entirely happy at the moment. It comes down to me pretty much beating myself up about things. I talk about snapping this same ole routine I have but yet when I plan on doing it I never can do it. Maybe I just need to wake up one day and instead of planning stuff just randomly do it and stick with it.

The whole job thing frustrates the hell out of me. Some of the positions I apply for I am more then qualified for. This is what makes me think maybe I am missing something. Maybe I am destined for something better, something greater. The only thing I can think of is the whole writing thing. It seems to be the one thing I'm really good at, or at least I think I am. Is this why I'm having such horrible luck with the job hunting? Maybe it is like this because God wants me to realize that my gift is with writing and my writing will bring me the most success. For all I know I probably have everything figured out already and I just need to find in my heart what it is I am looking for.

Overall I can't really complain much. Compared to how I felt a few years ago I'd say overall my mood, my attitude, etc has changed dramatically. Even in my blogs, sure I mention depressing stuff but people who have read my stuff from years back can tell the difference in my writing how things have changed with me. Life is only as difficult as a person makes it. Sadly I make it way more difficult then I should be. I have to say though I am thankful to wake up everyday and to be alive. Some people have it way worse then me. If I could make life simpler for not only myself but for other people I would.

Suddenly after writing this I feel somewhat a bit better then what I was. See Nick that wasn't too hard to find an answer to help you out when you aren't feeling like yourself. All you have to do is write. Who cares if it is pointless or a bunch of jumbled words or if it doesn't make sense. The important thing to remember is this is who I am and these are my thoughts and feelings. I'm neither right nor am I wrong, I'm being myself.