8/15/2016

Whatever happens, happens

4am here. May as well turn on my Tibetan bowl and write a blog. That is if my cat will allow me too. She is laying on my computer desk right now. She is behaving for the moment but there is no guarantee that it will remain this way. I expect by the end of this blog she will try to take a chunk out of my hand or arm.

So how is Nick doing? Nick has a lot of thoughts and questions going on in his mind right now. Nick is fine though. Seriously I've been ok. Lots of listening to music and playing WoW. I did hang out with my sister Cindy on Friday and then again on yesterday. Friday we went to dinner and a movie. Then we went back to her place and I ended up falling asleep on her couch. Yesterday we went by my brother's house for my nephew's party. Basically the same thing afterward. Went back to her place and I ended up falling asleep on the couch. I don't fall asleep there cause I get bored, more or less I think its because i am just comfortable there.

So I kinda hurt my hand. I know that this sounds bad already without me explaining it. Ha Nick hurt his hand probably cause he was whacking it. As funny as that does sound that is not why I hurt my hand. I hurt my hand for another stupid reason though. I was trying to kill a huge centipede in my room. Typically I will let the bugs live, mostly the spiders. Spiders use to scare the crap out of me and yeah I still don't want one crawling around on me but I'm fascinated with them for some reason. No I won't have any pet spiders in the near future. Anyway the centipede. I can't stand centipedes. Ever since I almost drank one when I was a teenager. Yeah one night I went to grab my cup of water and there was a huge one floating around in my cup. I threw the cup across the room. Ok so this centipede was crawling around my wall in my room. I grabbed a big box that I had in my room. So I decided to start bashing the wall with the box. Fucking thing would not die. So I really got into banging this box on the wall and cause of how I was holding the box I kinda stubbed the lower portion of my thumb. I can move it and it is still usable but I'm having trouble gripping anything. Wow that just sounds so bad. Leave it to me to injury myself trying to kill a centipede.

My brother borrowed me one of his guitars since mine is a bit broken atm. Not broken, just needs strings. The guitar he gave me is a guitar that he actually fixed up himself. I guess it was total trash and he fixed it up. Really nice guitar. I love it actually. Plays well. Yes despite my hand issue I can still play guitar at the moment. Which I am kinda thankful for cause I've been playing a lot more as of late. It is the me being creative thing at the moment. I feel like I should be writing or playing music. This is a good thing.

So this is the portion of the blog where I talk about my feelings. Damn it Nick, why? Well cause these blogs I write are my way of expressing myself. Anyway people don't have to read this if they don't want to. Turn back now!

I know what I said in my last blog, respecting somebody's decision to choose somebody else over me. I still do but at the same time there is a part of me that just wants to come out and say you know what pick me instead. Does that make me an asshole that I think that? Does that make me selfish? In a way probably. I've never been one to "pressure" somebody into a decision, although I don't think I would be doing that here. Remember these are just thoughts in my head. Thoughts in my head that I am sharing with all my readers. Yeah I can hear you people judging me. Stop! Normally if I am not picked I just kinda go fade into the darkness and go about my business. I don't think I can do that with this one. I guess I just feel that strongly about this one. Am I being crazy? Who the fuck isn't crazy in their own little way? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wish that I'd talk to her and she would just come out and say I'd rather be with you. If that makes me a bit of an asshole for wanting that given the current situation then so be it. I know what I want at least.

Sorry about all of that. Why do I want to be in a relationship anyway? Well why does anybody want to be in a relationship? Companionship, love, sharing your dreams with somebody, your life with somebody, etc. Maybe the timing is not right for me. Maybe it is perfect for me actually. I've done some pretty great stuff in my life in just the past year alone. I think it would be great to share all of with someone and grow into whatever the fuck it is that I am suppose to grow into with someone. Did that make sense? It makes sense to me at least. I suppose that is all that matters. It is my blog and I guess the only person who needs to understand it is myself. Sorry I am rambling again.

Despite all these feelings I am having at the moment I do love my life. I love not knowing what is going to happen the rest of today, tomorrow, the next day, next week, next month, etc. I actually love it cause to me the possibilities are endless. Of course I say that now and tomorrow a meteor will come crashing down on me while I am walking. If that happened it would suck yes but you know its one of those random events that you can't control. I say bring it on! Oh no I don't really want to get hit with a meteor but you know its not something that I am going to worry about it.

Today I'm going to go about my day going for my morning walk, my early afternoon walk, and my exercise routine tonight. I will probably play guitar and play WoW. I'll do some bird watching and I'll feed the birds. I have to go shopping today and I need to stop by my brother's house to drop off my broken guitar. Whatever happens in between there is just an added bonus. If nothing happens in between there then that is fine too. I just know that the Nick right now despite all his feelings, confusion, etc loves his life and he is going to go on about his business. This is not how the Nick of a few years ago would handle things.

I'm going to end this blog by saying this. Whatever happens, happens...it's still a good day to be alive.

Btw, my cat did try to bite me once. Little bitch!

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