Oops...I did it again

Did I really just use a Britney song for a blog title? Yes I did. Trust me, it fits. I figure I give a little warning before I dive into this blog. This blog is most likely going to be a jumbled mess of thoughts and feelings that I am having. I suppose though how is that any different then my usual blogs? So here I go. Turn back if you don't want to read this.

Assuming that my 1-2 readers are still reading this let me start off by saying that sometimes being single really sucks. Ah here we go again, another depressing blog by Nick about how lonely he is...blah blah blah. No really this is not going to be that depressing. Ok so again being single really sucks sometimes. Most days I go through life thinking that I am ok with being single. Trust me I am actually ok with it. I just assume any chick that I end up with is going to hit me in the head again with a shoe. That shit hurts. See not depressing, I am already making jokes. Then there are some days that I really wish that I had somebody in my life. Not even for the sex part of it but more so just to have somebody around. Somebody I can laugh with, cuddle with, go on walks with, go on picnics with (although I have a hard time picturing myself on a picnic...not sure why but w/e), travel with, just experience all the great things that life has to offer with this person. We live in a world in which horrible shit is happening all the time but yet this world is a beautiful place. I want to experience the world with somebody. Ok so basically I could of summed this all up by saying all those silly things you see couples doing...yeah I want that. I always make fun of people when they post all those little cute things on FB or they constantly say I love you to the point you either want to gag or strangle them but yet thats what I want.

So why don't I have this yet? I'm not a fool and I know how the world works. It has nothing to do with my weight, my looks, or even my shyness. It comes down to the fact that I am 37 years old and I am still at home with my father taking care of him. I also have no job. Thats the red flag. What woman in their right mind would get involved with somebody who is technically a man child. Maybe I am not being fair with myself here. How I got to this point in my life hasn't always been under my control but I could of fixed it way earlier and I didn't. Now I am trying to fix it the best I can. I just can't get over the hump of finding a job. Everything else I've done in the last few years have been a major step in the right direction. I am losing weight, I finally got my ged but that is still not enough. No woman really wants a guy that has no means of taking care of her. Thats just reality and I understand it totally. I'm not mad about it. If the shoes were on the other foot I would feel the same exact way. Anyway so I'm not trying to beat myself up here, I am being realistic. Who knows what is going to happen though cause I am going to eventually drag my ass to MATC and get my associate's degree in culinary arts maybe even culinary management. Its the dream atm. Maybe then there will be a major turning point in my life. Then again hasn't some of the stuff I've done recently count as a major turning point in my life? Sure it has. It is steps to whatever it is I am suppose to be doing. Who knows maybe there is somebody out there who might be willing to put up with this shit until I have my shit together?

Why am I writing all of this? Obviously cause I just met someone. Oh lord Nick. Why? It is doomed for disaster, don't you know this already? Actually no I don't know this. Oh and it gets better. Its long distance! Man, I don't learn very easily do I? No maybe not. Before I say anything else I am just going to come out and say that I don't know whats going to happen. I am fine with that scenario actually. Ok so I suppose I should tell what happened. Well like it usually happens. Guy mets girl, guy is intrigued by girl, guy likes girl. Pretty simple right? She is somebody that I just randomly started talking to. As we were talking it became apparent to me that I was starting to like her. I wasn't going to tell her about it cause well I always feel weird telling somebody how I feel. Rejection and whatnot. I really just need to get over that shit and just say how I am feeling, kinda like right now. Anyway she is really sweet, funny, a smartass like me, loves metal music, oh and she loves cheese curds. A female who loves cheese curds? I'm in heaven! She is also beautiful too. Course when I saw her picture I did not say that. It seems like a clique for guys to say that to females when they see a picture of them for the first time. I try not to be like every other guy out there. I'm unique. Course now if she is reading this she knows that I think she is beautiful cause I just told that to the entire world or well the people who read my blog.

I don't know whats going to happen. All I can do is go with the flow. I don't always put myself out there cause well the end result has been rather shitty. You never know how a situation is going to end unless you do put yourself out there. Either way my mood lately has been pretty good even if this one might not pan out. Eventually something will work in my favor. No rush for it. I'm in the process of rebuilding my life. Would be nice to have someone to share that process with. In the end at least I know I made another really great friend.

I guess I can sum up everything that I've just said by saying this. It sucks being alone but I understand it and its not something that totally depresses me. I realize its not going to be like this forever. There is still hope for me. And by hope what I really mean is I won't have to use a candy van and chloroform to get what I want. See still making jokes? I have to. This is just who I am.

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