8/23/2016

Mother's approval

I really should be going to bed but I wanted to write. Everything that I want to say is fresh in my mind and if I go to sleep now I may forget a few things. So here I am.

If people have been reading some of my posts this month then you would know that I met someone. She has become such an important part of my life. I wake up every morning eagerly awaiting the moment that I get to talk to her. I mean I really can't explain what happened. It seems so sudden and I've kinda had to take a few moments recently to think to myself wow what the fuck just happened. I really would love to say a lot of things at the moment but I could probably be here all night and I do need some sleep. This woman already has a special place in my heart and I wouldn't change how I am feeling right now for anything. 

It is very important to me to have my mother's approval. I know how this sounds to some people cause my mom has been gone for 18 years. She may be gone in body but I know she is still here with us. Her approval of the situation is important to me because when I was dating Jen, my ex-wife, my mother made it pretty clear to me that she knew I was in love with Jen but it was never going to last. I of course being young and stupid never listened to my mom's warning and what happened there? You all know from reading previous blogs. So approval of my mother is important. I never did seek out approval from my mom when I was with Reva and that ended kinda badly. I don't think I even asked her for approval with any other potential relationships. We all know that those didn't pan out. The next few things I am going to say are important.

Today (well yesterday cause it is after midnight here now) I went with my brother to visit my uncle. It was an interesting trip. Story for another time maybe. I was on my way back home and I was near the cemetery. Something at that moment clicked in my head and I thought to myself that I needed to go talk to my mom about a few things. I go into the cemetery and pull up to near where she is. I find it kinda odd that today was probably the happiest I've ever been going to see my mom. In fact I'd say I was somewhat excited. That just seems weird to me. Thats just my mood though lately and I've been wanting to talk about this woman to someone close to me and I knew it had to be my mother. 

I start off by small talking. Saying the usual his and I miss you and whatnot. Then I start talking about how happy I've been lately and how I really felt like I've met someone special. I know people are wanting me to mention her name in here. Not yet, I'm sorry. Anyway I continue going on about how I feel, how I'm happy, and life in general. I go on about how I've done so much good stuff in my life lately that all the pieces of the puzzle are finally fitting together and how I think I found a keeper. I in my conversation I said something about her being the one. I tried to convince myself right away that it is probably crazy talk. Maybe it is? Maybe its not? You never know how crazy or mad an idea or feelings are until you take that plunge into the unknown. I ended the conversation with her by basically saying I see great things coming for me in the future and I can't put it into words how happy I am. I started to tear up a bit.

I know people are probably questioning if my mother actually gave me her blessing. Truth be told...she already had. What people don't know is most nights I end up talking to my mom. So while I am talking to my mom I've been talking about the new woman in my life. Pretty sure my mom can see how things are going and she approves. I'm saying this because when things looked a bit bleak for me and I was laying around hanging out on the couch listening to stuff, meditating and talking to my mom, I could hear her voice and her voice has been basically telling me that I need to be patient with this one and if I do it will last for a long time to come. That is something I never got for my ex-wife. Therefore to me it means a lot.

I had a specific reason for writing this blog and only the person whom this blog is about will understand and I hope she knows that this most likely is a sign. I want her to also know that as strong as I may feel and as good as I may feel about this I have all the time in the world and I will be right here waiting for you. I'm in this for the long run.

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