I was told that I would never change. I was hopeless. I had no goals, no ambitions, no dreams, no desires, etc. I was as I would call it, void. The keyword here is was. I have changed. I want to point out something right off the bat. I didn't change because I was told to, or I felt forced to, etc. I did it for myself. I knew that I needed to change but I knew I needed to do it cause I wanted to.
With that being said this week I accomplished something that a few people didn't think I would ever do. I went out and got my GED. I haven't talked about my GED in such a long time in my blogs. Frankly the whole conversation about it was embarrassing. Who really wants to admit that they fucked up and didn't take care of something that they should have taken care of a long time ago? The important part out of all this is I finally made it happen.
It started back at the end of January. I had just went for a job interview. I really liked the job that I went for but I knew after the interview that my chances of getting the job were slim. I openly talked about not having my GED. Prior to that I always lied on my job applications about having my GED but this time I wanted to be honest. I knew I wasn't going to get the job cause they wanted somebody full time and weren't prepared to give me the job if I did not have my GED. So the day I found out officially that I was not going to get the job I called up MATC and asked what steps I needed to take to get my GED.
It took about a month of running around, workshops, orientations, etc before I could even schedule my first test. By the time I started to study for my first test it was the beginning of March. It was then that I decided to break my silence to everybody about what I was doing. In years past I would tell people that I was doing something and when I didn't get it done in "their time frame" they would put me down, say horrible stuff, etc. My problem was when people would hate on me I took that shit to heart. I felt like a loser. I would wake up every morning and tell myself that I was a loser. Somewhere along the way I finally realized that I did not have to listen to people anymore. It doesn't matter what they think, it only matters what I think about myself.
My plan was to study for about a week for each subject and then take the test. First test I took was March 8th. I took the language arts one cause I figured it would be the most difficult. Had to write an essay for that. I passed that exam pretty easily. Next up was social studies and that one I had little issue with. After that I went for science and then math. Science was the most difficult out of all of them for me. I think cause they required some math for it and I was not familiar with the calculator for what they wanted me to do.
Tuesday is when I took my final test, the math one. I was so anxious when I got out of there to know the results. I knew that if I passed then this whole thing would be over with. It took about an hour and 15 minutes before I got my results back. When I saw that I passed there was a sigh of relief. This whole burden of dropping out of high school and getting my GED had come to a close.
Prior to all of this I had said to a friend of mine that getting my GED was the key to changing my life around. I totally mean that. Now I can focus on other things. College? 10 years ago I would laugh at people who told me to go to college. Now it is a possibility. I want to get my associate's degree in Culinary Arts. I am wanting to do catering. I'm not sure how or why exactly I picked catering but it sounded like something that just fit me.
I have a long way to go still but the journey to get here has been one hell of a ride. I wouldn't change anything that I've done or didn't do. I've learned from all of it and because of that I know I am a better person and I know that I have changed. Most importantly I didn't change for anybody else, I changed for myself.