Never use a broomstick as a lightsaber

I thought I'd do a bit of a flashback for this blog and talk about a funny story that happened to me back in March of 05. Not sure why I was thinking about this today but I thought it could be a funny story to share with people. The title "never use a broomstick as a lightsaber" is totally fitting. Enjoy.

Back when I was working at Publix in the dairy department me and my friend Andrew always worked together on the weekend. We screwed around quite a bit. Made fun of people. Made stupid videos in the dairy cooler. No pervs not those types of videos. We had a lot of fun. Well one day our boredom reached a new height. We found some broomsticks in the backroom and decided to use them as lightsabers. Kids please don't try this at home.

Andrew took fencing lessons so I should of been concerned bout it cause what the hell do I know about actually dueling someone? Whatever though it was for fun right? No one could possibly get hurt? I should never of thought that.

We started dueling with the broomsticks and it was fun. Totally retarded of course. We could of gotten in big trouble for horseplay on the job. Then again prior to this we screwed around quite a bit anyways. I'm not entirely sure how it all happened but I know at one point I was not paying attention and Andrew hit me right above my eye.

Oh did that hurt. He smacked me pretty good. I threw down my broomstick and started screaming "fuck!". He immediately was like oh dude I am sorry, you can kick my ass for that. I put my hand over eye. I dropped to the ground on both knees. Instead of being totally mad or crying in pain I started laughing my ass off. I was laughing at the fact that I was down on the ground due to taking a blow to the head by a broomstick. Then Andrew starts laughing. He was like dude I seriously thought you were going to kick my ass. I'm like no, this does fucking hurt though. He told me to take my hand away from my head so we could see the damage. Oh there was plenty of damage. I was bleeding pretty badly.

We quickly ran to the bathroom while blood is pouring out. Somehow I managed to bleed more on the floor then I did on myself. We got to the bathroom and I decided to apply pressure with a wet towel on my head to try to stop the bleeding. It took a little bit but the bleeding managed to stop. Again we both start laughing at the situation because we are retarded.

I couldn't really go back to work after that. I was continuing to hold a towel above my eye to stop any further bleeding. I couldn't report the incident either. What was I going to say? Oh I took a broomstick to the head? I could of said I knocked over a pile of milk crates and one hit me in the head? How believable is that really? It was really noticeable that something had happened to my eye so I put on my sunglasses to cover my eye. I didn't really do much work after that but I remember standing in the dairy cooler and again I am cracking up at the entire situation. I suppose this is how I deal with things like that, I find the humor in it.

Got home and everything seemed fine. I was told by my roommate Chris that I should probably go get some stitches. He was probably right but I never did go to get any. By the end of the night though I was in quite a bit of pain and had a massive headache which went right into the next day. My eye started to swell up pretty badly. Never lost vision or anything. I did call out of work though.

Within a few days my eye had improved other then the piece of eye lash that was missing from the cut. Yes this piece of eye lash is still missing today. Since I was out of work though I had to explain to them why I was out of work. Remember me mentioning the milk crate thing earlier? Yeah I totally used that as my story. I said I was stacking milk crates and I must of stacked them way too high cause a few of them fell off and one hit me right above my eye. I said that I would of said something right away but I was in too much pain and needed to get home as soon as possible. They believed my story, well at least I think they did.

I think it was the same day or maybe a day or two later that I was by the milk crates outside of the dairy cooler. I always loved to stack them way too high cause it would piss people off. So I am stacking them and I lost control of the crates and guess what happens? I get hit in the head with a milk crate. I just stood there for a few laughing about it. I lied about cutting my eye open by getting hit with a milk crate and then I end up getting hit with a milk crate anyways. Oh and it didn't really hurt nor did it cause any of the damage that I had told them that it did.

Moral of the story is basically don't use broomsticks as lightsabers or in general don't pretend you are a Jedi. If you want to believe you are a Jedi buy those plastic lightsabers. Trust me they hurt a lot less.

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