It was bound to happen. Oddly for as shy and laid back as I am, I am not a follower. I've always been the leader type. I hadn't been happy for the past couple of months in the guild I was in. Finally it came all crashing down and now for the first time in years I am running my own guild on WoW. Yeah sorry this is going to be a WoW related blog.
I'm not going to sit here and say everything I have done was right over the course of the last few months. Truth be told even though I fought for stuff I believed in, I wasn't entirely truthful either with how I felt. I never liked how the guild was being run. Too much stuff going on behind the scenes. This person saying one thing to one person and something totally different to another person. Yep even I got caught up in this. Said shit I never should of said. Influenced into thinking badly about other people. Finally I had enough.
One person in particular I was pretty brutal to and her name is Sarah. A lot of stuff was said in the background. I said my share of stupid shit too. I won't get into the full details of everything though. I'll admit to being an asshole at times cause of some of the situations that were going on. Stacey, the gm, never did like her. Stacey also never really wanted her to be an officer. She went on for months about how she disliked things that were going on with Sarah but yet refused to talk to her. I was the in between person. I got into constant arguments with Stacey. I kept telling her that if she had an issue with her she should take it up with her. Did she? Nope. In that time frame something happened with Sarah that pissed me off and the "I don't give a fuck" side came out and I influenced the decision to demote her and get her kicked from the guild. As much as I may of influenced this outcome it was my not my decision to make. The day Sarah got kicked from the guild it was mostly Stacey on that one. Somehow though people are trying to say it was mine. No it was not. Did I have a part in it? Sure. Not my decision though. Since my departure from this guild though I apologized to Sarah and we are now on speaking terms. It didn't really occur to me until I demoted myself in the guild how much of an asshole I was to her.
Back in December I was thinking bout leaving WoW and/or quitting the guild. It was not working for me anymore. It is hard to compromise with someone who just wants to log on and pvp all the time. In fact I had it planned that at our guild anniversary/Christmas party that I was going to be departing the game for awhile. Then I met Amanda in game. Things totally changed for me. I had someone new to talk to and then we started hanging out all the time. In the last two months we have become really close and she has helped me have fun in the game again. Anyways I did something I probably shouldn't of and I was going to her with guild related issues going on behind the scenes. I guess I wanted someone else to go to for advice and whatnot and she is one person that I have grown to trust. Basically it was concluded that if the guild was going to survive either I would have to take over the guild or someone needed to kick Stacey in the ass to make her realize a few things.
I made a bold decision. I asked Stacey to hand over GM to me. It was met with opposition and hurt feelings. Which I totally understand. However in the background I had people telling me that they had actually agreed with just about everything I said. I am not going to name those people, you know who you are. I never really thought she was going to hand over the GM position to me but I wanted to use it as a wake up call to her to get her back to the reality of the situation that was going on in the guild. Deciding that I felt that I could no longer contribute into the growth of the guild I stepped down as co-gm. I was told by many people that I did not have to do this but seriously why would I stay in a lead position if I don't like the direction that the guild was going in? I know it was wrong of me to demand the title from her like that but someone needed to make her see what was going on in the guild. Who knows? Maybe I was the actual problem in the guild cause I am stubborn and I cared way too much bout what was going on instead of taking a laid back approach?
What followed in the next couple of days sealed my fate with the guild. I'm going to be honest though as soon as I stepped down as co-gm from the guild I had a backup plan with starting my own guild. I wanted to give it a go. It had been awhile since I was running a guild and I wanted to see what I can do. I also really didn't want to leave the guild and the people that I had talked to everyday and grown to care about. I won't get into details about what happened but I made the most painful decision to remove myself from the guild. Seriously I hope some people don't think it was an easy decision for me to make cause it wasn't.
There was quite a bit of backlash from what happened. I lost friends. Feelings were hurt. People talking about me behind my back calling me two-faced and all sorts of other stuff. I'll admit I was wrong with things that I said or did but can other people say the same? I mean Stacey, someone who I had become friends with, may of been hurt by some of the things I said but she needed to hear the truth and how I actually felt. I shouldn't of let things build for as long as they did though. At the end though it didn't matter how I felt cause she basically ignored everything that I had said about the guild and about everything else. That is how she is though. I would of stayed in the guild and tried to make it work but anything that was going on was completely ignored.
Two issues that I want to clear up here in my blog for people. I never poached anyone from that guild. I had a few conversations with people and one person in particular I talked to him bout coming over to my new guild but never said ok this is something you must do. My friend Rob, whom I have known for about 8 years, is still in that guild and I have not talked to him about what went down. If you want to accuse me of poaching at least be accurate. I need to back track a little bit for this one. I wanted to make Amanda an officer in the guild. This was met with opposition cause of how close I've become with her. While I understand it I thought it was a mistake to not make her an officer. I felt like out of anyone she would of been the best choice. Anyways Stacey told the guild that I left because my feelings were hurt that she was not made an officer. How about no? That was never the reason why I left. I may of been a bit mad at about it cause I felt she was a good candidate. Upset to the point where I left to go elsewhere? No. What drove me out of the guild was lack of leadership in the guild. A GM who let issues go and then when she decides to act on something it is a rash decision. She would rather just act instead of asking questions or she asks questions after the fact. She has made it known to a few people that she would rather log on to pvp and forget about running the guild. Also she likes when people are honest and straight forward with her but yet if she doesn't like what she hears she acts without thinking. If you don't want to hear the truth then don't ask for the truth. Sadly as much as I did for that guild as a co-gm I failed. I failed to make her work her ass off for that guild. Maybe now that I am gone she will. It was said that the person who lacked communication is now gone from the guild. The only way I lacked communication in that guild was by me not fully speaking how I felt. I fought with Stacey countless times on various issues and I finally had enough.
I won't mention this stuff again though. I have moved on and I am now running my own guild. It may be small and it may be small forever but at least I am having fun and I am happy. I should of never of taken the co-gm position in HGTPW but despite the bullshit, which some of it was my own doing, I at least met one amazing person out of it and now I am co-running a guild with her.
I am not trying to paint this pretty picture of where I am not wrong or I am innocent. I am being truthful in saying that I fucked up myself with co-running this guild. It was going to end up being a disaster in one way or another. Two people trying to run a guild that have totally different ideas and points of view of how to run things just does not work. I don't hold any ill will towards them and I wish them all the best of luck. I left out quite a bit of the story from both sides to be honest. It would come across as me bashing them even though I am sure it comes across as that way anyways. What is done is done though. Moving on.