8/28/2013

The Zoo

The zoo is one place that I always loved to go to. I love animals. In fact I think sometimes I love animals more then I love humans. Here in Milwaukee we have a pretty big zoo. Not as big as some other major cities but it is pretty decent.

Few months ago when my father was thinking about renewing his zoo card he was considering not renewing it because we don't go very often. It is hard for him to walk around at the zoo. He gets tired easily. I suggested to him since I finally started to drive that maybe it was time to put the card in my name. I don't think I had ever went to the zoo without my father being there but since he has a hard time walking around it made sense for me to take ownership of the card and that way I could have another guest go with me.

When I was younger I would get so excited about going to the zoo. I remember when we had planned days to go there I would wake up super early. It was like a second Christmas for me. I'd be awake at like 5:30 in the morning trying to wake my parents up so we could get ready to the zoo. Mind you it doesn't open until like 9am. Didn't care. Was so excited to go. Some of my favorite things to see were monkey island, the big cat house, and the polar bears. My parents had adopted a polar bear for me from the zoo when I was really young. Think the polar bear was named Miska. I always loved the jaguars too. They were always my favorite big cat. Two things that we always did was get to the big cat house around their feeding time and we would always go to the lake area and feed the ducks popcorn. Such good times.

This past Saturday was a day of firsts for me. First time driving on the freeway since I got my license. First time going to the zoo by myself. I wasn't exactly by myself. My sister Cindy went with me but it was the first time I had to drive to the zoo on my own. Was a bit nervous but I handled driving on the freeway just fine. The zoo itself was pretty crowded. It was also a Saturday so I am not surprised by that. I don't necessarily like big crowds but I don't let it stop me from enjoying stuff.

The zoo was fun. It was warm outside and that sun was beating down on me. Thank God for sun tan lotion cause I would of been burnt. Lots of the animals were laying around doing nothing or in hiding to where we couldn't see them. The elephants were active. They were doing an elephant show type thing and they were doing tricks. Was pretty cool. One of the black bears was laying in the water on his back. It was cute and funny. Other then that I don't recall any other animals doing much of anything. Oh the hippo was swimming around and occasionally came up for air very slowly. He was like teasing us with brief appearances. I was a bit disappointed with the big cat house. Over the years it has been remodeled and I don't like it. It was too crowded in there for one thing and there is barely a lot of walking room cause of being overcrowded. Back in the day they had a ton of different big cats and now it just seems as if they are focused on having a few. My favorite building at the zoo has turned into a disappointment. Don't get me wrong, I still like seeing the animals just I don't like what they have done to the big cat house.

Overall though the zoo is still fun. I still really enjoy it there. I can't wait to go back in a few months to check it out during the fall and heck maybe even possibly during the winter. For those of you ever planning on coming to Wisconsin or specifically Milwaukee in the future the zoo is one place I recommend you check out. You won't be disappointed.

8/19/2013

What a week

Couple of weeks ago my father had to be taken to the emergency room two times. He also had an overnight stay one night too. It was a bit of a hectic week for me, well us actually. Managed to make it out ok though.

On Monday morning two weeks ago my father was having difficulty with a nose bleed. I guess it was acting up over the weekend and by Monday he was just starting to drip blood. This was a concern because he is on blood thinners now and a nose bleed is not really that great of a sign. For a few hours it was going on and I finally said something to him about maybe going to get it checked out. Finally he had called the doctor and it was suggested he go to the ER or to urgent care. He decided on the ER and I had to drive him there.

First time driving someone in an emergency situation. Other then my terrible backing out job of the driveway I held it together fine. Our driveway sucks and so many other people have had a hard time backing in and out of the driveway. It is just really narrow and the approach sucks. Anyways other then almost taking out the garbage can and the recycling bin I did fine under pressure. Oh and plus it was the first time my father was in the car with me while driving. I had heard horror stories about how he reacted when he was with his other kids while driving.

We get to the emergency room and of course there was a bit of a wait until he could sign in and whatnot. Of course by the time we got there his nose wasn't really bleeding anymore. He got into an examination room and the doctor came in to see him. Might I add that before hand he was making friendly conversation with the nurses and other people there and one of them had said something about how they wanted to hire him so he can cheer people up. That is my father though, he will talk to anybody. The doctor comes in to see him and he checks everything out. Since the bleeding had stopped by then there was not much else they could do for him other then to give him some nose clamps. They had to make sure that it was safe to let him go home so he sat there for a good 20-30 mins with the nose clamp on. There was really no further bleeding so they let him go on his way.

Tuesday night around 10pm or so his nose bleed came back. Think it was around that time. This time it was much worse. He was bleeding so much that he was swallowing blood and then kinda throwing it up. He woke me up like around 1am to tell me what was going on. He was getting blood all over the place. Bed, clothes, pillows, floor, etc. He said he didn't want to go back to the ER at that time so he would wait and see how he was in a few hours. So by 6:15 in the morning I heard him calling for me. His nose seemed to have gotten worse. Again there was blood all over and he was pouring out blood. I quick got some clothes on and I drove him back to the ER. He also had a bit of blood in his poop this time too. Makes sense, he was swallowing blood.

So we are back at the ER Wednesday morning. Really time consuming process. Sitting around waiting on doctors and whatnot. Of course my father forgets one thing. He forgot his teeth. My father has false teeth and in the rush to get to the hospital he forgot to bring his teeth with. Good thing he didn't really need them. They were trying to get his bleeding under control. Did a bunch of stuff and pulled out some junk for his nose which I may add was rather disgusting. It took awhile but the bleeding finally got under control without having to pack it. The doctor was concerned a bit about the blood that was in his poop. So he was wanting to admit him to the hospital just to stay overnight for observation. Other then the bloody nose and the concerns over the blood he was doing fine. He was bored and just you know wishing he was not there. By the time he got up to the room and started to get settled in it was five hours later.

That day ended up being a pretty long day for me. At the hospital around 630am. My father told me I could go at anytime but I was not going to leave him alone in the emergency room. I got back home a little bit after noon that day. I got back at the hospital around 1pm. I had to bring my father his teeth. I stayed until about 2:30 or so. Got home a bit before 3. I left again around 4pm. Went to the bank and quick ran to the store. Got back up the hospital about 4:30 and stayed there until 6:45pm and finally got home for the night around 7pm. I was pretty beat by then. It appeared that he was only going to have an overnight stay. He had seen a ton of different doctors and whatnot. They wanted him to go for a stress test but other then that he seemed like he was good to go for only an overnight visit. When I got home I ordered some food, took a shower, and I passed out around 10pm and slept for at least a good nine hours that night. Like I said I was wiped out.

Thursday I spent most of the morning by the phone. My father was going for a stress test around 11am and then at any time after that he could be coming home. He called around 12:30pm. He didn't know when he was going to get released but said I could come up there at any time. So I got there. A few nurse visits. Nurse going over medications and changes. Few other things. A walk down the hallway at the hospital and finally he was released to go home around 2:45pm. By the time he was released there wasn't much activity going on in his nose which was a good sign. They decided to reduce the numbers on what he takes for his blood thinners.

The following day he called his normal doctor and his normal doctor wanted to see him. No rest from doctors and whatnot just yet. It was a short visit however just trying to adjust medications and generally talking about what had happened. Thankfully it was a short visit.

They wanted him to follow up with the heart doctor and then to eventually get his colon checked out before the end of the year. Today he went back to the heart doctor and his stress test showed that he is doing fine. Which other then the nose bleed he is doing fine for the most part. He has his moments where he may do a little bit too much and he has to stop and rest but other then that he is doing ok. Of course I still worry about him. I mean he is my dad after all and I love him.

So that was my week a few weeks back. I should be thankful that it turned out to be nothing way too serious. Stuff like this will happen from time to time to test a person to see how well they can handle the stress and whatnot. I think I did great. Might I add in that it is a good thing that I am still at home to help out my father when he needs it.

8/06/2013

Burning Memories

Last week I took a bit of a trip down memory lane and browsed through my high school yearbooks. High school was a mixed bag for me. I had my share of good moments and then some that I would like to forget. It is evident just by what some people said to me in my yearbook. Had some people telling me I was a great guy and then some people telling me that I was the devil and I should go kill people and sacrifice them to Satan. One of the best ones in my opinion was one dude who told me that he couldn't talk to me anymore unless I went through therapy. Was I really that bad? I think I was at a confused time in my life. I didn't know how to deal with depression and all the shit that my mom was going through so I didn't really know how I should act. Sadly after four and a half years of high school I dropped out shortly after my mom had passed away. If there is anything I regret it is that I dropped out.

Back in high school I was first in plumbing and then went to wood shop. Plumbing didn't work out for me mainly cause the teacher was a fucking douche bag. I understand that there was a certain due date for projects but I fell so far behind that no matter how much time and effort I put into trying to catch up I couldn't. It is not that I didn't know what I was doing. For example in all three marking periods of the first semester I failed each marking period but on the final exam I got a B. He had a choice to either flunk me or pass me because of how well I did on the exam and he decided to flunk me. Once you flunk a semester of shop the entire year is screwed up. So the second semester I didn't even try. The next year I went into wood shop. I liked wood shop. It was more laid back and as long as you did work you passed. I also got along pretty well with my teacher Mr. Walkner. He was suppose to be my teacher for the following year but that did not work out. We had talked about the possibility of me building my own guitar. Sounded cool in theory at least. Never happened. I never really finished any of my projects that I was doing in wood shop. I don't think I was cut out for cabinetmaking. I probably should of went into carpentry or something. Anyways one thing I did make was a mallet. I worked hard to make that mallet look good. Think I got like a B on it or something, not entirely sure now. I ended up giving it to my father and in the garage it sat for the next seventeen years.

I recently discovered I have an obsession with burning things in a fire pit. I haven't been out there too much lately but after spending time outside by the fire pit by my sister Cindy's house I discovered I really enjoyed being outside by a fire. I convinced my father that we should get another fire pit. He had one before but for whatever reason he decided that he wanted to get rid of it. Typical of my father to get something and then get rid of it. He even got rid of all of our snow blowers. Yeah I am fine with just shoveling but it was nice to have a snow blower option. Anyway two weeks ago we ended up getting our own fire pit cause I felt like we should have one again.

Couple of years ago, well actually shortly after my sister Mary died I had decided it was time to get rid of the box of letters that me and Jen wrote back and forth to each other before we actually got together in person. Before she left me and divorced me she had left all of the letters with me, including all of them that I had written to her. Of course I started reading some of them but then I decided it was time to move on and get rid of all of these memories. So one morning when my father had the old fire pit I put all of the old letters in there and we burned them all. Included in all of the letters were birthday cards, Xmas cards, Valentine's day cards, etc. It was sorta like therapy burning all those memories away.

When I built the fire pit a couple of weeks ago we decided to find some stuff to burn right away. We had some branches from the tree in front and we had bought a few pieces of wood from Pick'N'Save to burn. We were searching in the garage for things to possibly burn. There was an old baseball bat of mine from like twenty years ago or so when I was on a softball team and I was playing baseball with my friends all the time. There were some other things like an old broom that was basically useless. I came across the mallet that I had made back in high school. Still sitting there on the shelve. It had never been used since the day it was put in the garage. I probably touched it a few times over the years to tell people that hey this is one thing that I made back in wood shop in high school but that was the extent of any use that it got. I decided that the mallet would be good to put in the pit and set on fire. Ultimately even though I did ok in wood shop it was another failure of mine because I did not go any further with that in high school and after high school. It was time to burn away another memory of mine. I put it in the pit and watch it go up in flames.

If only it was so easy to cast away all bad memories into the fire and watch them burn and fade away. The thing is throwing away memories can be simple to do but we choose to hang onto them for whatever reason. Maybe we like torturing ourselves? Maybe we keep them around as a constant reminder of how things could of been or how we should of done things differently? I don't think it is necessary to cast away everything but only as long as you find the positives in whatever it is. Sure I refer to the past but I try not to dwell on the negative. Dwelling on the past and the negatives do you no good. Sometimes it is just good to burn those memories away.

10 Keys

Almost eight years ago I left Florida to come back to Milwaukee. Milwaukee isn't too bad but I admit I miss Florida. Yeah I had some rough times living in Florida but I've had rough times living anywhere I have lived. Florida though was fun and I met some great people while I was living there. It also was the last time I lived out on my own so yeah of course a part of me misses that. One day it is possible that I may go back down there but for now I am content with where I am.

On my key chain I've been carrying a ton of keys that I no longer have use for. Not entirely sure why. Memories maybe? Or I was just too lazy to sort through them and decide what wasn't need anymore. Since I've been driving more I have had two separate key chains. One is for the house and the car and then the other one with all of these now useless keys. I thought to myself that it is retarded to have separate key chains and it was time to go through them.

A few weekends back I finally got all my keys together and decided to go through them. My main key chain that I was not using cause of all the useless crap has Darth Maul, Darth Vader, a gargoyle, and my WoW authenticator on it. I wanted everything to be on just one thing though. All together I had seventeen keys and after going through all of them ten of them I no longer had use for.

The ten keys that I was about to shoot out were all keys that I had while I was living in Florida. I am not entirely sure what all of them were for now but I know one was for the old car me and Jen had, one I believe was for her father's house, one was my old apartment, and I know one or two of them were for our mailbox. The rest of them I am not sure what they were for. They all found a new home in the garbage as none of them I have no further use for.

After eight years ten keys that held onto my past in Florida are now gone. Not like those keys made me recall bad memories of living there but it was time to get rid of them. Like any bad memories that I have of Florida they are now useless and was time to dispose of them.

8/01/2013

200

My 200th blog. Most people from what I have seen write a few things and then get bored or whatever cause of lack of support or whatever the reason may be. Here I am 12 years since my very first blog and I am still writing regardless of who sees what or who comments. Technically this is my 200th entry on this blog but if you add up all the pieces of writing that I have done since my very first blog on livejournal back in 2001 and then me moving over to myspace blogging back in 2005 I have written well over 1000 blogs. Too bad most everything that I wrote before starting this specific blog is now gone. I regret getting rid of everything at times but I kept going back and rereading this crap and to be honest I didn't like who I was for a long period of time so a lot of what I had written I did not like so I felt that I had to throw away that part of my life. Not the first time I've thrown away apart of me and I am sure it won't be the last time.

Haters, they say if you have haters that means that you are doing something right. Sure my life is not figured out and there are tons of things I should do differently but my life is just not that bad. I have abolished most of the negativity that was creating havoc in my life and yeah that is not entirely easy but I have done good with that. This summer I've finally become a bit more independent due to me going out on my own and driving places. I never liked relying on people to cart my ass from one side of town to the next so it has been rather nice going out and about on my own. Like I said I don't have everything figured out just yet. I am a work in progress and I will figure it out one day. I have a few haters though and I felt I should say something at least to all the people who either don't like me or have things to say about me behind my back. My message to them? You can fuck off. Don't act like you are perfect and have everything figured out in life because honestly very few people have everything figured out. Most people have their own ups and downs and struggle with many things. Instead of worrying about what I am doing worry about yourself. If you feel the need to continue to spew the shit at me though it is fine cause yeah I may get angry or upset but I am just going to use that as motivation to do my thing. I have never believed that I am better then anyone else or that I am perfect and have no flaws or faults at all. What makes me different then a lot of people is I can admit these things. Some of the people flinging their shit at me, can you? Can you admit your wrong doings, your fuckups, or take responisibility or blame for any of your actions?

Enough of that cause I think I made my point. As I said I have been out and about by myself more this summer then ever. Mainly been hanging out with my sister Cindy. Every Saturday we seem to be doing something. Last weekend was just a hang out in front of the tv and watch a movie night. Prior weeks we have had a bonfire in her backyard. So nice sitting out listening to music out by a fire pit. It has become one of my favorite things to do. In fact we got our very own fire pit and last week I sat outside a few times setting stuff on fire. I am pretty sure the neighbors hate me as smoke went pouring through their windows at one point last week. This weekend we are going to be going to Wisconsin state fair. Should be a good time and the weather looks like it is going to be great for it too.

I've decided to quit WoW once again. I think this is the sixth time. I can never say that these things are permanent though. There is just something that keeps drawing me back to that game. I am not even sure if I really am going to quit, I mean my account runs out on like the 21st or something but I am sold on the idea of just giving it up again for awhile. We'll see what happens. I have been pretty quiet about my account running out cause I am sure a few people will be like "wtf Nick, why?". It shouldn't be something new or surprising though. I mean this is like the sixth time I have unsubscribed.

Been slacking with the dieting in the past few months. I am still walking though so that is a plus but yeah haven't been doing good with watching what I eat. I am trying to change that for this upcoming month but temptation is there. I just have to resist it. I need to do more exercising then just walking. I was going to but I never got around to it, I think I need to change that. What a great time to start seeing as how we just started a new month. I'll keep my blog updated with my progress.

I also have been slacking on guitar playing. Ugh Nick! You were doing so well. I think because Rocksmith has pretty much stopped production on the game with new songs and such to work on Rocksmith 2014, which btw has a pretty awesome track list so far. I was playing like 1-2 hours a day and I need to get back into that habit again. I love playing music so I need to get back into it again.

So there was blog number 200. I have some other blogs brewing in my head atm, I just didn't want to add all that stuff into one huge blog so I will make separate blogs for separate ideas. Also I should be adding new content to the MndFk website soon too. Been having some interesting dreams and instead of posting those here I will contribute to that page. Things will be changing in the upcoming future for me. This isn't just one of those things that I hope will happen. It is one of those things that will happen.