What if

Been meaning to write the past couple of days but I figured I would hold off until I know more about things before I decided to write and as of today I know more so here I am. I almost didn't write tonight either, I was feeling exhausted earlier and totally thought I was going to bed early tonight or something but here I am so I will get right to it.

My knee is still bothering me. It is tolerable most of the time but then there are those moments where I wish I could beat the shit out of some 20 year old and steal his knee or something. On the plus side it doesn't mean that I have been avoiding my walks. I have went 8 days in a row with going out for a walk. Like I said I love my walking. My knee feels good while walking until I get home and I slow down my walking, my knee then feels so stiff. I've been putting on heat every now and then and it does help. I have stayed away from taking pills for pain. I feel like if I can deal with it without having to take pills then I am going to stay away from pills as much as I can. This pain will past soon though.

My father went back to the doctor on Tuesday. I went with him. It ended up being a two hour doctor visit cause of chest x-ray and ekg. The reason for the fluid in his legs is because of the congestive heart failure. He also had some fluid in his lungs. The upper valve of his heart is not working like it should and that is causing some of his issues. The problem with that is that it is not helping blood flow to other areas of the body so if blood builds up around his heart it could possibly cause him to have a stroke. The doctor wanted to put him in the hospital but since my father is not really feeling sick he decided to adjust some of his meds and then take it from there. Obviously hearing this put a lot of stress on my mind. I mean right now I live at home with my father and if something were to happen to him I don't know what I am going to do. Yes it is a reality that it will happen one day but it sucks thinking about it. So I had the question of what if going through my mind the entire week. To answer the what if question, well if something does happen I will just adapt and deal with it like I have to. It is all I can do.

He went back for a doctor visit today for a follow up. The fluid in his legs have went down. He dropped about 7 pounds since Tuesday so that is good. His potassium levels still are not that great but overall he seems to be doing better so that is a relief. He has to go for more lab work next week and an ekg and then another doctor visit in two weeks. So we shall see then what the next step is going to be.

I have been sleeping like shit the last few days. Weird sleeping schedule, waking up at 4 in the morning and staying up for a few hours before going back to bed. Weird dreams too other then the threesome dream I had with two chicks the other night. That was a dream I wouldn't mind repeating every night. Having dreams about certain people that I don't talk to anymore, yeah I can do without them. Hoping tonight is a better night sleep. Maybe feeling a little less stressed might help?

So this week has been a big thing about allowing same sex marriages. Now what I am going to say is all my opinion. I will not include stats or anything else, I will just go by what I think. Am I right? I don't know, this is how I feel. Honestly I wish people would butt the hell out of what everyone else is doing. If two guys want to marry each other great. If two chicks want to marry each other go for it but please invite me to the wedding cause I want to see some chicks make out and whatnot. If someone wants to go out and marry a stuffed animal or they are a tree hugger and want to get legally married to a tree in their backyard then by all means let them marry who they want. Let people marry whomever it is that they want. Stop trying to control every single thing people do. The real issue here shouldn't even be about gay marriages. The real issue should be about marriage in general. People treat it as if it is a damn game. Like they want to marry as many people as they can in a life time. Is marriage even considered to be something sacred anymore? Until death do us part? Yeah sure there are tons of people that get married and stay together forever but then there are the people out there that feel like they have an obligation to find someone just to say oh hey I got married. Then it ends up in a divorce and then a few years later ok I want to get married again and then the same damn thing happens again and again and again. What the fuck. Seriously the whole gay marriage thing shouldn't even be a debate. The debate should be about making it so marriage actually means something now a days cause it really seems like at times that marriage to most people is just one big fucking joke.

Then religion gets put in the middle of this. God intended for marriage to be a union between a man and a woman not a man and a man or a woman and a woman. The bible says all gays will go to Hell. God doesn't love gays. You all know what is supposedly said about how wrong homosexuality is. I suppose though it is ok for priests and whatnot to touch little boys inappropriately. I am pretty sure no where in the bible does it say men of God can do whatever they want to little boys. I find this as more of a bigger problem then two men wanting to marry each other. Oh yeah I know not all priests are bad and I shouldn't blast an entire religion over the mistakes of some of their priests. The fact that they just want to sweep it under a rug and forget about it bothers me. We are suppose to go to church and listen to these guys preach the word of God but yet as my brother has said how can you not wonder if they are not standing up there searching throughout the church for little boys? Maybe that is wrong to think like that but is it not wrong to condemn people to hell cause of their choice of sexuality? If and when I go to church I don't want to be questioning what is actually going on in the priest's head. I want to go there to sing the songs and pray and not be wondering if they are up there preaching to us while thinking of whom their next victim may be. So what is a bigger sin? Homosexuality or priests who decide to victimize boys?

I'm not looking to begin debates or try to I don't know win over people's points of view or whatever, I am just offering my opinion about things though. They say opinions are like assholes, we all have one. That is all for tonight.

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