4/30/2012

April showers bring May flowers

It is a Monday night and it is the last day of April. April has definitely been an interesting month for me. I am looking forward to May. Weather should finally be warming up. First day of May begins with a new Marilyn Manson album coming out. I am listening to it online as I type out this blog. First impression? Sounds like a Manson album. Which is a good thing. I've always liked Manson though regardless of what he has put out there. Not very hard to impress me with music though. I am pretty open and will listen to just about anything now a days.

For my birthday I decided to treat myself to some Xbox 360 games. Old vintage games though which include the original Contra from nintendo, Castlevania: Symphony of the night, Pac-Man, Tetris, Mortal Kombat series which includes the first 3 games that were on Nintendo, and GTA San Andreas. I prefer the older games, can't help it. Playing the hell out of Castlevania. I absolutely love that series. I've only ever beaten two of the games in that series though. SOTN and Simon's Quest. I hadn't played SOTN and I ended up remembering all the secrets and I beat the game again already. One thing driving me nuts though is the fact there is an achievement for 200.6 perc exploration of the map and I am sitting at 198.3 and I have no idea what I am missing. I am starting to think I am preferring console games more then computer games now. Which is good. Get me away from the computer!

Today and well part of yesterday has been a music day for me. I mean right now for example I am listening to the new Manson but yesterday I was listening to stuff I had never heard before. The band Halestorm for example. They totally rock. I had never really listened to their albums all the way through. Then there is the band The Pretty Reckless. I saw them when they opened up for Evanescence in October. I thought they were pretty good but it wasn't until recently that I really started listening to them. Today I listened to Buckethead. I knew of him and I heard him play before on you tube but I never sat back and really paid attention to the music until today. Good stuff there too. I went crazy adding music to my spotify playlist. Some people put music into separate categories, not me. If I like it I will just add it to one list. The list is nearing 3000 songs on spotify. There are some bands/songs that are not on spotify though so that list would be even more. Can't find bands such as Zeppelin or Floyd on there. Really disappointing but otherwise a good program.

Little bit of a confession out of me. It is National Honesty Day supposedly so here I go. I use to bash boy bands. I could not stand them. Thought they sucked. Blah blah blah. Well add that type of music to the list of stuff I like. Like I said my musical taste has expanded quite a bit and I literally can listen to anything. Funny earlier I had my spotify going and in you had Anthrax, Slayer, Maiden and then in the middle of all of it was George Michael. So yeah if you look at my list today you would see boy bands in the mix of stuff. This is not a bad thing. I mean anyone can look at my list of music and find something they like. The days of me just being a pure rocker/headbanger are over. I still prefer that music and you would see me at a hard rock/metal concert before you would see me at like a Britney concert. Then again I don't need to justify my musical tastes to anyone. Music is music to me.

So as I said I am looking forward to May. April was a good month, eye opening for sure. I am going to a few concerts in May. The weather is going to be warming up this week which makes me super happy. Plus I have some other things on my agenda which I won't mention now. It is good to keep some things to myself until the time is right to share with the world. A horoscope not too long ago told me that I should keep some of my plan to myself. I am totally following the advice of that horoscope. It is said that April showers bring May flowers. Lets see how true this is.

4/25/2012

33

Here it is, almost another birthday in the books. Another day, another year older. Ok that really is not meant to sound depressing at all cause I am far from it at the moment. Today has been a pretty uneventful day. Started off the morning with rain until the early part of the afternoon but since then it has been basically cloudy. It isn't too cold but it isn't exactly warm either. Overall though the weather didn't effect my birthday all too much. Well I can't really say that cause I've been having random aches and pains but that is just normal with the weather being the way it is.

One thing I must mention is all the birthday love I got on facebook today. It was really nice and I really apprecihated it. There are a lot of people whom I do not really communicate with on a regular basis. I still check their statueses and keep up to date with what is going on but I don't always comment and whatnot. I feel like even if there isn't always some sort of communication that people will always be there regardless. It meant a lot to see people take some time out of their day to wish me a happy birthday. For one day on facebook I actually felt popular. Is internet popularity all that important though? Not really but sometimes the little things mean a lot. Especially logging on the internet on your birthday to find a ton of birthday wishes.

As I do with every birthday I sit back and think about the last year of my life. 32 was an interesting age/year for me. In a lot of ways it was somewhat eye opening. I made some pretty poor decisions and then I made some really great decisions. I took a step back and I really started to see the path of self destruction I was on and said enough is enough I really need to start working on myself. The hardest part about life sometimes is to sit back and look at yourself and things you have done and admit to yourself that you are in the wrong and there are a lot of things you should of done differently. I have started to change a lot of things I do in the past month or so. Not everyone is going to see these changes. Maybe to some the changes are so small and insignificiant that it doesn't really matter. I guess it really should only matter to me though. Any change right now to me is significant and a step in the right direction. People don't see that change can come in all shapes and sizes. Change can even be as simple as removing a person or persons from your life in which you felt like were having a negative effect on you. One thing I decided to do is leave, for now, most of the changes that have been going on in my life off my blog. People are going to think what they want of me and I don't need a negative vibe about some of the things I am working on so for now I am not really talking about things I am doing.

I do want to bring up one thing though. This is something that I had thought about the other day while I was outside just watching the birds and other random stuff that is going on. I felt like I needed to find something that I could use as somewhat a guideline for inspiration heading forward in my life. My mom has always been an inspiration for me cause despite all the health problems she still fought hard and tried to enjoy what she could out of life. I admire her and her story could and should inspire everyone. Now I am not a very religious person. I don't claim to go to church and pray all the time and all that stuff but I thought to myself that Jesus was 33 when he died on the cross. I just turned 33 so I thought how can I relate my life to this. I can't because well I am not Jesus and as far as I know people don't want to hang me on a cross for my beliefs. What I did think of though is Jesus did a lot of great things before his death. He helped out the sick and the poor. He didn't turn his back on people even if they did not believe in the stuff that he was saying. He was a fighter and stood firm in what he believed in even though it ended up costing him his life. I think his story if you actually sit down, read it, and pay attention can be an inspiration to anyone. I realize not everyone has the same beliefs and they don't believe everything that they have heard. That is fine, I respect that. My point I guess I am getting at is the story of Jesus and the things he did could turn to be a point of interest for me as I start my 33rd year of life. Especially since Jesus died when he was 33 and he according to the stories in the bible did a lot of great things.

I imagine that this is probably not something that you would expect me to talk about in my blog. I normally never go the religion route. I just know that I have really had a chance to think about the story of Jesus that I find it to be interesting and somewhat inspiring. I think maybe I should take the time to learn more about it because to be totally honest I really only know the basic stuff. I doubt this will make me turn all religious and tell people oh if you don't go to church you are going to Hell and everything like that. I guess I am looking for inspiration in anything I can right now and it is ok to have a belief in something.

I am going to yet another concert upcoming. Primus is coming here next month and they had a buy one get one free so I asked my sister and she ended up saying yes. So now in the upcoming months I am going to 5 concerts. To put it like this in a span of like 12-13 years I went to 3 shows and in the next 4 months I am going to 5 so far. I always liked going to concerts. I love music and I enjoy seeing and hearing live music so why not go?

In conclusion I have been in thought about a lot of different things lately. It is ok to think. Thinking helps you be more creative and it can cause you to see things from a different point of view or maybe open up your eyes to things you did not see before. It is a good thing. People are not going to see all the changes I may be going through or making cause either they are too blind to see the big picture or they are too closed minded to even think that the slightest change is positive. I am not a perfect person by any means. I have done a lot wrong but I am trying to be different or be the Nick I use to be. I like that Nick. That Nick is pretty darn awesome if you ask me. Happy birthday to me!

4/15/2012

Whispering Wind

He sits outside like he does every night. Stares out into the sky to see what he can see. It is a cloudy and windy night. It is slightly drizzling outside making it seem like rain may be on the way. The wind is really strong. It almost brings a chill to him on this warm night. He closes his eyes and drifts away. He begins to ask himself a series of questions. Where am I going in life? What is to become of tomorrow or the next day or the day after that? Can I make something of myself? Can I change for the better? All these questions pop into his head. He feels the wind get stronger. The drizzle turns into a slight rain. The rain is refreshing after a warm day. You can hear the distant rumbles of thunder. The wind howls and in the wind he hears a whisper. The whisper says you may not get all the answers to your questions but you are in control of the future so go out and make the most out of it, it is yours to either succeed or to fail. He opens his eyes and smiles as if he is satisfied with the answer and says to himself, that is exactly what I needed to hear.

I want to take a little bit to talk about the Titanic. Today marks 100 years since the sinking. It might not be a big deal to some but especially last night after midnight I was thinking about it and felt myself being effected by it. I have to admit I am not very good at praying as I only do on occasion but I said a little prayer for all the women, children, and men who lost their lifes that night. I was a bit sad. Regardless what anyone might think the Titanic story is really tragic and a very sad story. I must admit I never knew much about the Titanic until the movie came out back in 97. After I saw the movie I watched documentries and whatnot and became more familar with the story of Titanic. I will admit I was one of the people who cried when I saw the movie. Think what you want of me but I think I picked the absolute worse time to go see the movie. My mother was dying and she wasn't expected to live much longer. Just under a week before she passed away I went to the theater to see the movie alone. Bad idea. By the time I got home from the movie I totally lost it. I think I tend to associate the movie with the passing of my mom. Probably why it effects me. To be honest I have not watched the movie in a very long time though. I figure if I decide to pop it in anytime soon I will probably want to have some tissues nearby.

We had a cookout today. Other then the occasion drizzle things turned out rather well. It was really nice outside today so I spent a lot of time outside. The only problem is when I cook I really make way too much food for just me and my father. I like having leftovers I suppose. Course the best part of the whole thing was having smores. Yeah I am suppose to be watching what I eat and exercising. Techinically I am watching what I eat, I am just watching it as it goes in my mouth. Then later on when it got dark out I went back outside and started throwing like sticks and whatnot into the grill to start up a fire. I am a secret pyro I guess. I suppose it isn't too bad unless I decide to be a retard one day and see what I can do with a little bit of gasoline in the grill. I am not that stupid or am I?

Oh almost like two weeks ago we went to the eye doctor. It has been awhile since I last went, 3 years to be exact. Well anyway the exam went fine and I picked out new glasses and got new contacts etc. Supposedly my eyesight improved. I don't see how this is even possible. I mean I sorta thought that I probably strain my eyes a lot by looking at a computer screen on most days but I am not an eye doctor so whatever. My contacts are ok then the fact that having two cats in the house and fur flying around everywhere irritates my contacts a lot and well it had been almost half a year since I last wore contacts so it is like I am getting use to them all over again. My glasses on the other hand I can't wear them. I don't know what is exactly wrong with them but they are giving me headaches and if I try to look to the side with them on I have blurry vision. So I don't know what they did. They are nice glasses though. The transition lenses. For whatever reason i can not be outside without some sort of protection from the sun. I am really sensitive to the light. Maybe I am a vampire after all? Nah, I don't think I sparkle like Edward so that rules out the vampire thing. Then again thank God I don't sparkle. So yeah I am wondering if my prescription is screwed up somewhere. Has to be.

A lot of things have changed for me in the past year. I am not going to really go into great detail here but I am going to say that I like the direction that I am heading in. I am not perfect by any means but who the hell is anyways? You are the one who has to live with yourself 24/7 not other people. As long as you like yourself and think you are doing ok then by all means continue doing what you are doing. For far too long I have had the outside influence of other people. Nick you need to do this! Nick you need to do that! Blah blah blah! Finally it has gotten to a point where I said to myself Nick has to do what Nick wants to do not what other people want him to do. This is exactly what I am starting to do. Some people I don't think can handle it. That is fine. I don't need people to handle it or be happy with it what I need is for me to be happy with it. Am I happy with the way things are going? It is a work in progress but I am getting there. In the upcoming months I believe I am going to surprise a lot of people. You can quote me on this.

4/13/2012

13

It is Friday the 13th. This is why I decided to name the blog 13. I am so original aren't I? I don't think I have ever been superstitious of Friday the 13th. Although it does have the number 13 in there and 13 is always a dominate number in my life regardless. Which reminds me I thought of this tonight and it was just about 20 years ago that I had went to my first concert, June of 92 to be exact and it was Metallica, and I was 13 years old when I went. See the number 13 again. I realize I hadn't written in a bit so I figured I would write a little bit. Yes an actual what is Nick up to type of thing.

Easter came and went. Nothing exciting really happened. My father was feeling a bit sickish so it made Easter a little less enjoyable and it cancelled our trip to Indiana. We were suppose to go to Indiana for a few days to visit my uncle. We have never seen where he lives in Indiana. I was looking forward to getting away for a few days so I was a bit disappointed but that is life. Sometimes things come up that is beyond your control.

I am going to 3 concerts coming up. Marilyn Manson in May, Iron Maiden and Aerosmith in July. I have seen Manson before but that was 15 years ago. I have managed to continue to keep up with his music since then. He is one of my favorite artist so I am excited about going. I have never seen Iron Maiden or Aerosmith live. I have listened to both bands on and off for about 20 years. The Maiden concert is on the 4th of July. That is going to be fun. Good way to celebrate the 4th in my opinion. Aerosmith is 3 days after the Maiden concert. I hope I won't be recovering from Maiden when I go to Aerosmith. Either way I am looking forward to going to some shows. Back in the day I loved going to concerts. I love music in general and music is a big part of my life so it is nice to get out there and see some of the bands that I have grown up listening to.

My sister Kathy/Trink is getting married. It comes as a surprise to me because it was a known fact in this family that none of my sisters were probably going to get married. I am not saying that it is a bad thing or anything to that effect it just came as a surprise. I hope that she is happy and I wish her many years of happiness.

I have been deep in thought about quite a number of things for awhile now as my last blogs have probably shown. I spend a lot of time at night time specifically outside sitting out on the porch just gathering my thoughts and taking it all in. It is really peaceful and quiet to sit outside in this neighborhood minus the occasional car or airplane. It makes me wish I lived in the country. I would be able to see more stars and whatnot while I am outside. The city lights and trees make it difficult to see up in the night time sky at times. Maybe one day I'll live in the country just for that specific reason, to gaze up at the stars at night time.

This has just been a brief update on things that have been going on. I haven't even begun to touch on a few things. In time I will. I have this phrase written down that I keep in front of my computer at all times so I can see it and if I am seeking a little bit of motivation I look at it and I repeat it. The phrase or saying is "Replace I can not do this with I will not fail". I can't be sure that someone didn't already think of this one but I thought of it while I was sitting outside. Even if it isn't a Nick original I really like this and I repeat it to myself often about a variety of things.

Replace I can not do this with I will not fail.