12/29/2012

Almost 5 months later

Well if I was intending on keeping up with my blog I have done a rather crappy job of it. Here it is almost 5 months later and this is the first time I have written anything in that period of time. I didn't lose interest in my writing I just well I really don't know why I haven't written in so long. No matter, here I am. Let me get you all up to speed on what has happened, I have a lot to cover.

Back in July my father was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. Kinda threw me for a loop. My mother had heart troubles and her heart transplant and the medication she was on ultimately led to her getting cancer. I have remained pretty cool for the most part about this though. I try to spend more time with my father as of late cause well and I hate to put it like this you never know what the next day might bring.

I loss my job at Pick N Save back in August. Yeah I really don't want to get into this one. It did get to a point where I was rather unhappy so I suppose it was a welcome thing. The not making money part wasn't really a "welcome thing" however.

Few days after I lost my job I ended up getting cellulitis. Actually it happened on the day I was suppose to go to the Evanesence show. Yep I was not too happy. Although I am happy that as fast as I got it I got rid of it cause well in some cases if cellulitis is not treated you can die. I woke up that Tuesday morning feeling sick to my stomach and I had horrible aches and pains. Then I felt bonecrushing chills up and down my body. Seriously I was literally shaking for an hour straight. It was horrible. I spent I believe about 20 hours of a 24 hour period laying down trying to sleep. I was totally wiped out. The next day I feel ok but then my leg felt like it was on fire. I had this painful rash. I thought it was a bug bite or something. The following day it was pointed out to me that I may have cellulitis and I should go get it checked out immediately. So I went to urgent care and that is exactly what I had. Apparently though I had also passed a kidney stone, which was probably the real reason why I had some intense stomach pains on Tuesday morning. I was put on pills for both things. Good thing I lost my job cause cellulitis put me out of commission for about 10 days. While on the antibiotics it is recommended to not do much of anything.

Towards the end of the cellulitis thing I was getting paranoid that it was coming back or was getting worse cause my skin was feeling tingly and warm in a lot of places especially my other uneffected leg. I started having a massive panic attack cause I felt I was getting worse. Literally on the night before my pills ran out I had worked myself up into so much paranoia and a frenzy that I was having symptoms of a heart attack, a fever, and coming down with the flu or something. It was absolutely terrible. So to ease my own nerves we went to urgent care the following day. Nothing was wrong. Since I was on powerful antibiotics it was effecting my system to make me feel somewhat weird. It was perfectly normal. The fever, flu like symptoms, and anything else was all just me being overly paranoid. Told people I have bad anxiety and that just proves it.

After that I started following up with one of the nurses who works there. I was put on pills for high blood pressure. My bp has been fine outside of visiting the clinic and well since then I feel a lot less stressed and whatnot. I started going for walks just about every morning. Of course now that it is winter out here in Wisconsin I don't get the chance to go for walks much anymore. I am going to start substituting walks with riding on the exercise bike though for now. I miss my walks. I was also put on a pill to help out with diabetes. No I don't officially have diabetes. It is a precautionary thing right now to help me not get it. The pills I am on at first it made me feel sick to my stomach but they actually do help out a lot with curbing my appetite. I am not perfect with my eating atm though. It is the holiday season though, who is perfect with their diet? I have become more of a salad eater though since all of this happened. Ok, where is Nick and what have you done with him? A salad eater? Wtf! I am not sure if I have lost much weight. At times I think I am, which btw I never check the scale cause I hate that damn thing. I do know that last time I weighed myself the scale was about 28 pounds difference from our scale to the one at the doctor's office. So maybe I have been doing something right. I go back to the doctor in I think March.

I know this sounds all doom and gloom so far but trust me everything isn't doom and gloom. My attitude in general about a lot of things have changed dramatically. Yes I will bitch and complain about something but I may do that for a minute or two then I move on. Negativity was something that totally consumed me for a very long time and now I can just not stand to be negative. I can not stand negativity at all. In fact when I look back and how I have been for a long time I wonder how I never punched myself in the face or how nobody else did. I am sorry that anyone had to deal with that cause that is totally not who I am. I am still discovering who I am and what I want to do but a big change from who I once was to who I am now is that most mornings I wake up with a smile on my face ready to take on whatever comes next.

I figured I would end the blog with something good. With the new year approaching I believe my next blog is going to be about my predictions for the upcoming year. Should be fun to see what I may get right or wrong....but that is not what I wanted to talk about before closing this blog. This year I have been working on what I call "The Nick Project". It won't be entirely done before the end of the year but that is ok I have something to shoot for in 2013 but I did finish one major thing off the project list. Back in September I finally went for my road test and got my driver's license. Around the time my father got "sick" I decided it was about time to prepare myself for the possibility that...well I am not even going to say it but I am sure everyone knows what I am getting at. So one thing I wanted and needed to take care of was driving. In August I started taking driving lessons. It had been like 9 years since I last got behind the wheel of a car. I went for lessons through the end of September and then finally on the 25th of September I went for my first road test and passed. Wasn't a pretty road test but I did good enough to pass. I was way too nervous and overly cautious but at least I got that done. Many people over the years said many times I would never drive and that I could not do it so when I did finally go and take my test and I got my license I felt as if it was a major victory for me. Not cause I proved many people wrong but because I proved myself wrong for even agreeing with people who felt I didn't have it in me. See ultimately I have it in me to do whatever it is I want, I just have to find ways to bring it out and let things happen.

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