He sits outside like he does every night. Stares out into the sky to see what he can see. It is a cloudy and windy night. It is slightly drizzling outside making it seem like rain may be on the way. The wind is really strong. It almost brings a chill to him on this warm night. He closes his eyes and drifts away. He begins to ask himself a series of questions. Where am I going in life? What is to become of tomorrow or the next day or the day after that? Can I make something of myself? Can I change for the better? All these questions pop into his head. He feels the wind get stronger. The drizzle turns into a slight rain. The rain is refreshing after a warm day. You can hear the distant rumbles of thunder. The wind howls and in the wind he hears a whisper. The whisper says you may not get all the answers to your questions but you are in control of the future so go out and make the most out of it, it is yours to either succeed or to fail. He opens his eyes and smiles as if he is satisfied with the answer and says to himself, that is exactly what I needed to hear.
I want to take a little bit to talk about the Titanic. Today marks 100 years since the sinking. It might not be a big deal to some but especially last night after midnight I was thinking about it and felt myself being effected by it. I have to admit I am not very good at praying as I only do on occasion but I said a little prayer for all the women, children, and men who lost their lifes that night. I was a bit sad. Regardless what anyone might think the Titanic story is really tragic and a very sad story. I must admit I never knew much about the Titanic until the movie came out back in 97. After I saw the movie I watched documentries and whatnot and became more familar with the story of Titanic. I will admit I was one of the people who cried when I saw the movie. Think what you want of me but I think I picked the absolute worse time to go see the movie. My mother was dying and she wasn't expected to live much longer. Just under a week before she passed away I went to the theater to see the movie alone. Bad idea. By the time I got home from the movie I totally lost it. I think I tend to associate the movie with the passing of my mom. Probably why it effects me. To be honest I have not watched the movie in a very long time though. I figure if I decide to pop it in anytime soon I will probably want to have some tissues nearby.
We had a cookout today. Other then the occasion drizzle things turned out rather well. It was really nice outside today so I spent a lot of time outside. The only problem is when I cook I really make way too much food for just me and my father. I like having leftovers I suppose. Course the best part of the whole thing was having smores. Yeah I am suppose to be watching what I eat and exercising. Techinically I am watching what I eat, I am just watching it as it goes in my mouth. Then later on when it got dark out I went back outside and started throwing like sticks and whatnot into the grill to start up a fire. I am a secret pyro I guess. I suppose it isn't too bad unless I decide to be a retard one day and see what I can do with a little bit of gasoline in the grill. I am not that stupid or am I?
Oh almost like two weeks ago we went to the eye doctor. It has been awhile since I last went, 3 years to be exact. Well anyway the exam went fine and I picked out new glasses and got new contacts etc. Supposedly my eyesight improved. I don't see how this is even possible. I mean I sorta thought that I probably strain my eyes a lot by looking at a computer screen on most days but I am not an eye doctor so whatever. My contacts are ok then the fact that having two cats in the house and fur flying around everywhere irritates my contacts a lot and well it had been almost half a year since I last wore contacts so it is like I am getting use to them all over again. My glasses on the other hand I can't wear them. I don't know what is exactly wrong with them but they are giving me headaches and if I try to look to the side with them on I have blurry vision. So I don't know what they did. They are nice glasses though. The transition lenses. For whatever reason i can not be outside without some sort of protection from the sun. I am really sensitive to the light. Maybe I am a vampire after all? Nah, I don't think I sparkle like Edward so that rules out the vampire thing. Then again thank God I don't sparkle. So yeah I am wondering if my prescription is screwed up somewhere. Has to be.
A lot of things have changed for me in the past year. I am not going to really go into great detail here but I am going to say that I like the direction that I am heading in. I am not perfect by any means but who the hell is anyways? You are the one who has to live with yourself 24/7 not other people. As long as you like yourself and think you are doing ok then by all means continue doing what you are doing. For far too long I have had the outside influence of other people. Nick you need to do this! Nick you need to do that! Blah blah blah! Finally it has gotten to a point where I said to myself Nick has to do what Nick wants to do not what other people want him to do. This is exactly what I am starting to do. Some people I don't think can handle it. That is fine. I don't need people to handle it or be happy with it what I need is for me to be happy with it. Am I happy with the way things are going? It is a work in progress but I am getting there. In the upcoming months I believe I am going to surprise a lot of people. You can quote me on this.