10/04/2011

Useless

The title is going to be rather deceiving. Someone may see that and think "omgz he thinks he is useless". Nah, I don't really think that at all. I kept using the word useless in facebook PWMB chat so I was like they that will be the next title for my blog. So it is like an inside joke pretty much. I don't think I am useless, a bit lazy though.

Starting to clean my rooms and organize a bit. Wait, did I not try this months ago? I did and I failed dramatically. Cut me some slack, I will get it done. I'd like to rearrange things a bit but I have very little options on what I can actually do. I do have a ton of posters that have been sitting around for the past 6 years. Maybe I will put them up! A sign of how lazy I am? I have xmas lights hanging up in the other room and they pretty much burned out a year ago. Good job Nick...good job.

Might be going to the zoo tomorrow. It has been awhile. The weather is suppose to be pretty nice out. We were thinking of going on some sort of road trip tomorrow to look at fall colors and whatnot but I said to my father why not go to the zoo. I can finally see my relatives! Yay! Wait, did I just insult myself? Yeah oh well.

Evanescence is in a few weeks. I am pretty excited to go see them. Sucks I am going by myself but oh well. It is either go by myself or don't see them at all. I would rather see them then not see them of course. Their new album comes out in a week. Can't wait to hear it.

My mood as of late as been really good. In fact I am quite happy and find myself literally bouncing off the walls lately. Best way to describe it I guess would be I want to sing and dance around to just about any song I listen to which might possibly be weird cause of some of the randomness that comes on my play list. I dunno its really great to feel like this the majority of the time. Even when like I get irritated about something at the moment I laugh it off. This Nick I could totally get use to.

Although last night before I went to bed I laid there and I started to pray and talk to God. I do this on occasion. I like to thank him for things in my life. I don't act very religious most of the time but I feel like I should thank him from time to time. So I did that and fell asleep. Woke up less then 4 hours later with a bad leg cramp. I was being punished for praying! Ok not really but I just found that rather amusing. I think maybe I should thank him more then I do, just I could do without the leg cramps.

A lot of me being happy I owe to Catina. Things with her have been rather great. I am not going to get into a lot of details here but I will say this, she is very special to me and she has a special place in my heart. I will however share with you all something she wrote about me in her livejournal years ago. I still go back and read this periodically because I don't think anyone else has ever written anything that touched my heart as much as this did. It is rather long sorry. Actually why am I sorry for? I did not write it lol.

"It was storming bad and the electricity went out so I took a nap. It was nice. I dreamt about wal*mart. Please shoot me. Lol. When I woke up I considered just going to bed, but I couldn't. Before it went out I had been online talking to Nicky and so I couldn't just not go back. Then once I went back I couldn't seem to leave. I really really just simply enjoy talking to him. He mellows me out sorta. He like levels everything out and makes life earlier for awhile. Right now everything is just kinda crazy and whenever I think about relax time or free time or any time that I just want to sit and do nothing I think "well, I would love to talk to Nicky." There is something about him that I just can't get over. He is like I DUNNO. Gosh it bugs me because I can't think of the words to even describe how wonderful this guy is. I mean its amazing to think that I even got the opportunity to meet someone so great. I mean I always have really cared about him and thought of him as a great friend. I mean we have known each other for years and I never stopped to really look and see who HE really was. Let me tell you, I was missing out for sure. This is the kinda guy that I sat around wishing that Patrick would act like. This is the kinda guy that I think most girls wish for. He's funny and smart and supportive and just overall he is an amaaaaazing person. He has admitted that he has feelings for me and hell I have basically admitted that I have some for him too. I mean I can't lie about that. I guess that's a horrible thing considering I have a boyfriend, but when you think about the relationship right now ya kinda just might be able to understand why it is so easy to be able to admit something like that. Now I'm not saying I'm going to run out and dump Patrick for Nicky, because I will be honest and say that at this point I am not ready to do something so extreme. I think Patrick could do just about anything he wanted to me and yet I would forgive him. He knows that and he takes advantage of that and I'm getting sick of it, but I'm still not strong enough within to give up. I still can't say it's over. I still feel like I have to protect him from being hurt and me breaking up with him would only hurt him. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it now at least. Never say never though. Anyway, back to talking about Nicky. He is so sweet to me. Sometimes it is so nice to have someone treat you with respect and show you kindness, love and attention that other people should be giving you, but are not. He goes the distance to show me that I am someone who actually means something and I do matter. I hope he knows how important he is as well. Basically though he treats me better than most of the people I know and I totally thank him for that. He is definentally going to make somebody VERY happy someday. He can take someone from being so low and totally just bring them up again. Without a doubt he is a giver, not a taker and after the relationships I have been in and am in now I KNOW that that is something you need to be looking for in a person. I can't say enough good things about him. It amazes me how someone such as himself could not be taken. It just simple amazes me. I mean once you get to know him its like he just falls right into your heart and locks himself in there. That's not a bad thing either because I like it that way. I like that no matter what happens he will always be with me in some way. I like it that I know he feels the same about me. I like it. I just really really like it." -7/13/05

So, useless? No. I just using the word.

No comments:

Post a Comment