October Rust

Typically October is one of my favorite months. The weather gets cooler, the leaves change colors, and of course Halloween. How can someone not like Halloween? I think I like Halloween just cause all the horror movies they put on. The past few years though my mood around this time a year hasn't been very consistent. My moods have been off. This year is no exception.

Let me start off with some positive. I cleaned my rooms! Oh my God! Miracles do happen! It took me awhile but my rooms actually look pretty decent. I would actually be happy to have people over to come over and chill. I am not totally done though. I want to hang up posters and whatnot in my other room. Make my room look more home like or go for the bachelor pad look when I had my own place in Florida. All I know is that it is nice to walk upstairs and walk into my room and it look so clean! It is a good feeling.

Next week I go see Evanescence. First concert for me in nearly 7 years and it will be the first time I am going to one by myself. Bit scary but I can handle it. Their new album came out yesterday. I was going to go buy the album but they have it on spotify where I can listen to it whenever I want to. So I played the hell out of it yesterday. I like the album. A lot of the songs seem to talk about heart break and losing someone you love. Fun stuff.

My moods have been really unstable lately. I can't really pinpoint a direct cause either. I go from being happy to sitting here crying, hating my life, hating the world, wanting to punch someone in the face, etc. Nothing really triggers it, I don't think anything does at least. The majority of the time though I just shut down and don't say anything to anyone until I snap out of it or I just think to myself ok this is ridiculous to feel like this so let's work on improving it. The one person who helps me the most through this is Catina. I can't really put into words how awesome she is and how much she does mean to me. I sorta just mellow out when I talk to her. I forget all of my troubles and I guess I just try to enjoy every moment I get to talk to her. None of us really know what tomorrow brings so why is the use in feeling like crap or blah when you are talking to someone whom you really care about. Enjoy your time together the best you can cause you don't know what tomorrow may bring. Anyways I figure if I was able to talk to her 24/7 life would be just perfect but I realize that is not really possible. I am just going to have to find a way to stable my moods when I am not talking to her. I guess though this should really show how much she does mean to me. I could totally be feeling like shit and my mood changes drastic. When people like that come into your life don't let them get away cause these people are special.

Btw, I <3 you Catina. One day I will totally write a blog about Sheepfucker and Towelhead. Yeah ok if you are reading this and you aren't Catina don't ask lol.

Going to the foot doctor in a few hours. I mainly just go to get my toe nails clipped. Hell if I can do that on my own. Fat people trying to bend over to reach stuff just does not work out too well. It is also like holding a cake in front of a fat person and saying ok don't eat it!

Other then that I don't think I have anything else to say for the moment. Despite my mood swings and depression I still can manage to find some things to make me happy and I can still crack a smile and laugh. All hope is not loss yet for me and that is a general statement with everything that I have going on in my life. If you want something to improve in life you need to go out and do it on your own. It won't happen without effort from yourself.

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