9/22/2011

Relax

I think way too much. Thoughts in my head just go from one thing to the next then back to what I was originally thinking and then so on and so forth. Drives me a bit crazy from time to time. I suppose if I didn't have a thought at all then I would probably be bored and smashing my head into the wall for amusement. Like I would ever smash my head into the wall. I don't think I would like to clean up the mess afterward. I could hire a maid just specifically for that. "Hi I hear you are looking for work? Now I like to smash my head into the wall until I bleed, would it bother you cleaning up a little blood here and there?" Never said I was normal.

The good mood I have been in disappeared this week. It sorta sucks but I knew it was going to happen, I mean I can't be totally happy day in and day out for the rest of my life. I should clarify that I am not exactly in a bad mood either I'm just neutral at the moment. Think I've been thinking about too much stuff lately and questioning all my actions to actually be on a high like I was last week, hence my blog title.

On a positive note I made a list of goals/things I would like to accomplish. Of course when I make lists do I ever usually follow them? Well I try to at least. Easily distracted ftl. I'm going to keep most of the list to myself though so people can't come back here months later and be like oh hey I thought you were going to do this and you never did.

Exercising more/weight lost. Well this one I was sorta doing already. I got sidetracked a bit when we went to the Dells but this week I started up again. Baby steps. Been on the exercise bike every morning and every night though. I should really get back to walking too. Last time I really took walking seriously I ended up dropping about 35 lbs. I want to do that again and then some. The whole goal here is to just feel better.

Job. Probably one of the most important ones. I think I made some progress by at least having a job interview. Now I just need something to fall into place for me so I can live a little bit more. Money would be great too. Also meeting new people and whatnot. This will happen in time I just have to keep on trying.

My license. I've wrote about this one a ton of times before this time I am really serious though. Serious enough that I actually went to the DMV yesterday to get my temps. Of course I did not realize I had to retake the test and well that did not go over too well. I got a 73 perc on the test. I got the majority of the common sense ones right but then some stumped me. Embarrassing that I failed the test but whatever I'll go back there again and retake it then I can work on getting out on the road. I think I am more serious about my license then a job at the moment. This one is really long overdue though, I'm 32...I should of had this a long time ago.

My GED. This is a monkey that has been on my back for a long time and I need to get rid of it. I can't help but feel like shit about myself and think I am stupid for never graduating high school or waiting so long to get my GED. If I could go back and change things I would but I can't so it is time to move on and work on the things that I can still change. People probably look at me as if I am dumb, a loser, etc. That is fine, at least deep down I know otherwise.

I want to go see Catina. She likes it when I mention her in my blogs but thats not really the reason why I'm mentioning her. She is really special to me and I'm quite fond of her. It is nice to have someone care about you and really make it feels like you do matter. She is just coming off a horrible ending to a long term relationship though. The dumb ass walked out on her and her two kids. She is a bit scared to get too close to someone and end up having her heart broken again. I can totally understand that. I have my own trust issues and I would rather not have my heart broken again. I try really hard not to be pushy with her but it is hard cause when I fall for someone I fall pretty hard. I'm being patient cause I know deep down that there is something really special here. Anyways though I need to accomplish some of the other things before I can pull this one off. I'd rather not go to see her and be like "Hi I'm Nick...I am a loser". Though I don't think she would ever think of me like that so this is probably more of a do it for me type thing then anything else. I don't know where all of this is going to go exactly but I'm really thinking that the journey to the final destination may be very well worth it.

People probably think I'm really nuts and I am not thinking clearly. If people want to believe that it is fine. I'm thinking more clearer then I have in a long time. Even if I have any doubts, fears, etc I am thinking clearly. I know what I want and I know what I need to do to get it. There are other things that were on my list but those five are the main ones for the moment.

I think that is all for now. I could probably write more but this has already turned into a mini novel so I shall stop there.

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