9/10/2011

Burning leaf

Think I've been avoiding my blog. I've been wanting to write but at the same time eh I have lacked motivation. September hasn't been off to an exactly great start. I keep telling myself it will just get better just keep on pushing Nick. I also tell myself things are never really as bad as I make them out to be which is totally true. At the end of the tunnel there is a light, I have to sort through all the bullshit to get there. On the other hand there are some things that have made this month not so bad.

Me and my father are heading to the Dells for a few days. I am looking forward to it. I totally love the Dells. We never really do a whole heck of a lot there but it is just nice to getaway. I'm sure I will be spending most of my time sitting in the lounge chair looking out at Lake Delton. Of course there is that nice jacuzzi that I will be spending some time in too. Sounds so relaxing at the moment.

Not too long ago I talked about this girl that I liked. She will remain nameless for the moment cause I am not sure she wants me giving out her name anyways. She might not care but eh whatever. We decided that we weren't going to try to make it work. Well I guess we decided that it was premature to decide something like that and we are taking more of a see how it goes type thing. Which I am totally cool with. I've come to the conclusion that even if something is complicated it may very well be worth it in the end to give it a shot. If two people make each other happy then why not just go for it? If something is meant to be then it will play out in the end. Frankly I am not all too concerned about whatever might be complicated, I enjoy spending time with her and if there is one person who understands me besides Andrew it would be her. So we'll see what happens.

The Packers opened up the season with a thrilling 42-34 win over the Saints. They were really trying to give me a heart attack at the end there but they pulled it out. I look forward to a good season and I feel that their offense is going to give a lot of teams problems. Packers will repeat.

I suppose I can mention the not so good. My anxiety has been bad lately. So have my mood swings. I blame stress and sometimes just not knowing how to deal well with my inner demons and/or failure. Failure? I am referring to my job hunting. I assume I am not getting the job at Piggly Wiggly. I am really disappointed. I wanted this job quite a bit. I am more then qualified for it. The problem is I am going on 6 years of being out of work. I know that looks horrible. It is not entirely my fault. I do have to take the blame for some of it though. Laziness and whatnot. I've tried and tried and I really have had no luck. It is really getting to me lately. I don't want to sit here any longer without a job. I feel like shit the majority of the time. There is so much I want to do and I feel like I can't do anything. I'm not really whining I am just frustrated. I can't get out of this slump until I get a job and I most likely can't get a job cause they look at how long I have been out of work and they think oh my god that is horrible. I think my experience in grocery stores is another downside too. They are looking for employees they can pay for cheap. They figure with my experience I may want a decent amount of money. Newsflash people, I don't care much about the pay. I want a job. I want health insurance. I want somewhat of a life. I could care less if you pay me 7 bucks an hour or 10 bucks an hour. So why do I think I didn't get this job? Well the fact that I know of at least 2 people that they hired over me with 0 grocery store experience. Yeah I was picked over for people who had absolutely no grocery store experience despite the fact I have like 4 years. This explains my moods lately but in the end bitching is not going to get me anywhere. I have to do what I can to go ahead and find something and I will. I'm going to have to settle for something and then probably work my way back up. If that is what it takes then I will definitely give it a try.

On Labor Day we had a cookout and afterward I sat outside by the grill watching the fire and enjoying the beautiful weather. A lot of times I just like to sit outside and just take everything and think. I seem to think better when I am in a calm setting, or if im on the toilet taking a crap. I seem to get a lot of good ideas there. One would say I shit greatness. Anyways back to what I was originally saying. I picked up a leaf and put it in the fire and I watched it burn. This is where I got the blog title from. So really I wrote this blog in my head days ago, I am just now doing it.

In the end there will always be road blocks and bumps in the road. We have to learn how to deal with them and keep on moving. If we don't life just passes us by. I believe the greatness a person can show may not always be a person creating something, writing a book, winning a race, etc...it can simply be how the person handles the bumps and bruises associated with life.

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