6/07/2011

Fear of the dark

Who is afraid of the dark? I imagine many people are afraid of it. Laying there in bed in complete darkness. Not able to see anything that may be lurking in the corner of your room or are you able to see what may of just made that loud noise. Do you feel that sometimes when you close your eyes and open them again you will see someone standing over you? I think it is a very common thing that people may be afraid of the dark but my question is why? I will give my reasons for not liking the dark.

I don't necessarily mind the dark but recently I find myself having more and more trouble trying to fall asleep due to "things that go bump in the night". I really can't put a finger on what it is that troubles me. Do I really think I will wake up to find someone or something staring at me? More then likely no. Do the random noises disturb me? As of late they have been but they really are not as bad as what I have been through in the past. Yet something is causing me to be more cautious about turning that light off at night or turning off the tv. I think a lot of it has to do with me knowing my sister is back in this house. Yes my deceased sister is in this house as a ghost. Do I think she is harmful or will be harmful? No not at all but I think my paranoia is that she might do something because we didn't get along the greatest the last few years that she was alive. I know she isn't here to be harmful but given the way things were I can't help but feel slightly freaked out. It is something I will have to work out on my own. I know I can do it, I mean it is just my sister after all, right?

The past few nights I have found it very hard to fall asleep. I sat there for a good hour last night coaching myself that it was ok to turn off the light and go to bed. I felt the anxiety and my heart was beating a million miles per hour. I haven't felt like this in a long time about being in the dark. Like I said I have dealt with other things and came out of it just fine. I don't know why I can't now.

I guess I am afraid of being in the dark. For many years now I can not usually sleep without the radio being on, the tv being on, or a light being on. I need that comfort. It is soothing. It relaxes me. Sorta like my own security blanket. It is like a safe haven from the experiences I have had ranging from hearing footsteps, voices, seeing a figure walk across my room, knocking, bed being shaked, and seeing a hand and arm come out from underneath my bed. Over the years I kinda just got use to it. I know I am sensitive to spirit activity so I normally just shake it off if it disturbed me. Usually I would say please let me get some sleep thank you. Few weeks ago it sounded like something was being thrown into the wall right next to me. What was my reaction? I'm trying to sleep! Then I went back to bed. So what changed?

Saturday night I decided to try a little experiment to see if I could communicate with my sister. I wrote down a bunch of questions and I was going to sit in her old room with her urn and let the camcorder and voice recorder record what was going on. In complete darkness mind you. It should of been an easy task for me. Ghost investigating and sitting in the dark. Mind you I did walk around a cemetery before at 3am but that was also cause I was dared to. This is different though. It is more personal when dealing with a deceased family member. Before I even started anything I had turned on my emf meter and put it on the bed. It started blinking but then it wouldn't stop. It went off for a good 5 minutes. At one point I grabbed my camera and recorded it. As soon as I started recording it did stop. I did however get a video of it going off and put it in my blog. See my last blog for that. I got myself set up and sat in the room for like 10 minutes. Asking questions. The entire time I could feel my heart pounding. I was literally in fear. I think I was too much in fear to even notice if anything was going on. A little bit later after I was done I forgot one thing that I wanted to do. My sister use to hate the bathroom spray and she would get pissed if people sprayed too much. I wasn't doing it with the intention of pissing her off, I wanted to see if I could get a reaction. I did not really review anything that night.

On Sunday something came over me and told me to review the evp I had recorded. So I started to and I was amazed at how much I had actually gotten. I haven't shared it with anyone yet, I will in time but some of the responses ranged from being calm to being angry to being sad to not wanting me to leave. I was also right about using the spray. That did get a response as she was not too happy about that. I think knowing that she was a bit angry at some of the stuff in the recording it has made me a bit fearful. The result being a lack of sleep for me at the moment.

I had a dream earlier today. My mom appeared to me and said to me that I was strong and that I had nothing to fear. My mom is a very wise lady. I know I have nothing to really fear. All I have to do is be strong and not let the fear win. If I can do that then I will have no problem with anything. If I can not do this then the fear will win every time.

I am looking forward to sharing all these evps and recordings with everyone. I need more time though. Some of this stuff really hit home for me since I know I am dealing with my sister. I wished she was at peace and I had hoped she was but from what I got out of the recordings is that she is sad and she seems to be trapped here. As long as I don't lose my sanity in the end I will try to help out the best I can. She is my sister and it is the least I can do since I do love her.

2 comments:

  1. i have noticed that lately with so much death surrounding me i find it hard to sleep comfy sometimes. it started when my friend scott committed suicide 2 years ago, there are some nights that i get overwhelmed with complete sadness and frustration that i dont even want to be alone with the lights off. and then after my brother kasey died a few months back i find it hard to go outside in the dark with out looking over my shoulder cause i have that "being watched" feeling. which is hard because my dog always has to go outside when its dark and i will admit that i get the heebyjeebees sometimes.

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  2. I'm sorry for your losses Dar. It makes sense why you would feel the way you are with all that has gone on. I feel like I am being watched most of the time and at every little noise I am like "what was that?".

    One thing I guess I forgot with this blog is some of my sleeping problems the past few days can be attributed to our weather. It didn't occur to me until this morning. It has been very warm and muggy so it has been very uncomfortable sleeping. I actually managed to fall asleep last night with little problems but I was up early cause it just feels way too warm to sleep. My father should definitely turn the air conditioning lower and then maybe all would be right in the world. =) Well one could hope at least.

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