Before anyone asks, though I am sure some people have figured it out already, the blog is titled after a Ministry song. I'll link a youtube video of the song. Great song if you like heavy music.
I sat around thinking for awhile how to go about this blog. Should I make a title depicting how I really feel? So I get a title from a random song? I think I did too much thinking. I couldn't come up with anything clever. I know I am slipping.
I can't say I've been in a great mood. Most of it I am sure is my own doing. We are our own worse enemies. I sure know I am my own worse enemy. I do a pretty good job of hiding how I am really feeling from other people. Though there are some who can probably read me like a book most would never know that something is up with me. I wonder a lot of the time why I allow myself to even get into a slight funk. Sure it happens to everyone but what do I have to actually complain about? I mean ok I can't find a job. I really have no friends here in Milwaukee. That is really about it. I feel selfish for even feeling depressed sometimes cause if you look at other people they have so many things to be depressed or down about but yet they find a way to enjoy life and make each day count. I would love to be one of those type of people.
Last year around this time I found myself in this funk like state. Time of the year maybe? Doesn't make sense though since I love the fall, I love Halloween, it is the middle of football season, etc. At least I know though I am in control of what I am feeling so if I don't want to feel like this then I just need to stop feeling like this.
Slayer concert is tomorrow night. I got tickets months ago. I decided I am not going. I have no desire to go anymore. Will I regret that decision? I am sure that I will. Since Reva couldn't come here to visit this month I really have no one to go with. I am not going by myself. People are going to tell me just go by yourself. I just don't feel like going anymore. That may be why I am feeling a bit blah at the moment.
I have not been sleeping really good either. Weird dreams. None of which I really remember though. I was sleeping usually until like 9am or even 10am. I know people don't have the luxury of sleeping in like that so I am sure they are thinking oh boo hoo. This week I've been awake anywhere between 6am-8am. I've also been going to bed usually between 1am-2am. So yeah my sleep has been lacking. Again this could be why I'm feeling like I am in a funk.
Went shopping with my father this morning. For a place I've been trying to get a job at for such a long time now they really don't have a lot of people walking around. They only had one bagger at the registers too so I ended up bagging our groceries. Hell I am almost desperate enough to just have a paying job that I would degrade myself to bagging groceries. Not a very hard job at all and yet some of those people make it out to be the toughest job in the world. I made some comment as we were leaving that said "shit just start paying me some money and I will stand here all day and bag groceries". I happen to go by the job center thing and I noticed that they are hiring for a produce clerk. Wtf, seriously? I put in for that job a few times over the past few months. That just irked the hell out of me. Which I should of asked to talk to a manager at that point but I am not very good with talking to people when I am pissed. In fact if I am mad I tend to keep showing my anger until the person has no choice but to think I am right. Hence why when I am mad for the most part I keep it to myself or blast some really loud music.
If there is anything positive for me to say it would be that I am going to go to MATC on Monday to inquire about my GED and sign up for whatever it is I have to do before I can take the test. Step in the right direction Nick, just stick with it.
I guess there is a silver lining to all of this. I've come to the conclusion that a person is going to be as happy as they want to be or as misery as they want to be. So the trick is to flush out the negativity and bring in the positivity. Easier said then done.