8/07/2010

....and I will always love you?

"Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union may also be called matrimony, while the ceremony that marks its beginning is usually called a wedding."

A common trend I see now a days is either people getting or divorce or getting married. Is it a cool thing to say "omg I'm getting married"? Is it a cool thing to say "well I'm getting a divorce"? I've done both myself. Was married for less then a year before I got a divorce. It seems like everyone now a days, well almost everyone, fits into one of those two scenarios. Either getting married or getting a divorce.

It's really hard to find a relationship that really lasts for a long time. From the way it seems people fall in love then sometime down the road they fall out of love or the relationship gets stale and they wish to find something "more fun". In other cases people hook up with a person because they want to feel something. They want to feel special, or feel loved, or feel important, and they don't want to be alone.

Getting married because you don't want to be alone has to be one of the stupidest reasons to get married. Granted who the hell really wants to spend every waking moment of their life alone? I would know all about this since I was in this category at one point. I won't say that I never loved my ex-wife but in the long run now that I look back at everything and analyze everything I just didn't want to be alone. It was nice having someone around. Though we didn't get along and we clashed quite a bit, it was nice to know someone was home waiting for me when I got home. We probably both knew getting married was a mistake in the long run, but we did it anyways. It ended in a divorce. It worked out for the best for the both of us though. Something that she probably did not know is that prior to her telling me she possibly wanted a divorce was that I wanted out of the marriage. I just didn't have the heart to go about it. She did, major props to her.

I guess it is just sad to see marriage isn't once what it use to be. I always thought that when you married someone it was pretty much final. You would be with that person until one of you die. "Until death do us part". Yeah, that really doesn't mean much now a days does it?

One thing I will never totally understand is the people who feel like they need to be engaged to every person they are with. I'm not going to use anyone in particular for an example but lets say this girl, we will name her Catalina. Catalina gets this bf, instead of naming him I'll call him BF A. They aren't together very long and she decides she loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him. So they get engaged. Well she meets another guy. This guy is awesome, treats her right, makes her feel wanted, etc. So she decides maybe she should go with this guy instead of BF A. So this guy becomes BF B. They get engaged right away and end up getting married. They are married for a bit and then another guy comes along. She really likes this one. So her and BF B get a divorce. Then months later she is engaged to BF C. I think everyone is getting what my point is here. People who feel the constant need to try to jump in a permanent relationship with any partner they have when in the end it never ends up being permanent anyways.

I guess it's just really difficult now a days to find someone who is old fashioned and doesn't believe in divorce. Maybe that is why I had a hard time deciding I wanted a divorce because it is something that I just do not believe in. No one can really convince me otherwise that getting a divorce is just "a normal thing".

In conclusion...I really don't know if I had any actual point to what I was saying. Pretty much it comes down to I don't believe in divorce. I believe people rush into getting married and it's sad alot of marriages end in divorce. I believe people are afraid to be alone and they need to feel "loved or wanted" which is not a bad thing because everyone deserves to be happy but people go about it in the wrong way. For me personally I am fine with where I am right now. If marriage is in the cards for me again then so be it, but this time around I definetly learned from my mistakes. People think before you say "I do".

7 comments:

  1. I realize that I did not consider another point of view and that point of view would be "well what if a person changes after you get married?". That does happen. Is the change so dramatic though that the only way out is through divorce or is the change something that can be worked around?

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  2. Divorce is nothing more than an expensive way to break up. I find it interesting that you say you don't believe in divorce yet you yourself are divorced. If one person wants out of the marriage for whatever reason, would you insist on staying married because of not believing in divorce?

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  3. You seem to contradict yourself. You say you are not a believer in divorce but you and your ex are better off after getting divorced. So are you saying you would rather be still married?

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  4. I think you have a lot of good points in there. People DON'T want to be alone, and people are so quick to jump into things.

    You need to know someone before you agree to spend the rest of your life with them. You need to know most, if not all of their quirks, flaws, bad habits, etc and either grow to love them or learn to accept them.

    It's hard to combine two completely different lifestyles into one house, but it can be done. Both people need to compromise and communicate.

    Unfortunately, the era we are living in is one of instant gratification. We want food? We don't cook it, we go get fast food. We want news? We don't wait for the news to come on or read a newspaper, we search it out online. We want music? We don't buy the CD's, we download it.

    If our relationships aren't what we want at the moment we want them that way, too many of us are ready to throw in the towel. Why work on saving your marriage when you can end it and move on to the next person?

    It's something I don't fully understand either... but I come from a family of people who, when they said "until death do us part" they actually meant it.

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  5. Sorry, meant to address this earlier:

    As for the whole: "You're divorced yet you don't believe in it?" thing - I think that's fully possible.

    When someone says that they don't believe in divorce, you can't take that to mean that they will never be or have been divorced. I take it to mean that no matter what, they will do their best to work things out in their marriage. Sometimes, that's just not enough, especially if your spouse has no interest in making things work. One-sided relationships can't function.

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  6. I'll address the "contradiction". Yes I said I am not a believer in a divorce. I stand by that. Yes I've been divorced. It's not something that I am necessarily happy about or something that I am proud of. The marriage I went through was something that I should of never of done. Would I still be married cause "I don't believe in marriage"? Most likely no. The relationship got to a point where it would of been "beyond repair". When you get to that point there is just nothing that can be done. To put it quite honestly it was to that point because my wife was about to cheat on me with another guy.

    If people want out of a marriage then so be it, get a divorce. My thing was that this is becoming a very common theme now a days and it is really just sad. People fall in and out of love alot and things change in a relationship. Just because I've been through a divorce myself and I have this "I don't believe in a divorce" attitude means I'm contradicting myself. This is what I believe and if I get married again I'm not going through another divorce.

    Trust me if I could go back in time before my first marriage I would not of gotten married in the first place.

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  7. Life's fickle... Divorce is a major topic all over!
    All I know is, if the person changes while married. Then you obviously didn't do your homework. If a person gets bored with his/her relationship, then well Maybe they should never have tried to commit too something as a person they Can not handle.
    Monogamy is a serious matter, not for the moment type person.
    If you yourself get bored with the relationship, then obvious you were never meant to be in something serious at all.
    Marriage can work, if your not in a one-sided relationship, and your willing to accept all flaws at face value, and there's no dishonesty. Plus a plethora of other things.
    Marriage is a union between two souls, that will either in the long run work, or fade.
    I don't believe in divorce either. It's an adult decision to be Married. If your not ready to be an adult. I don't suggest you get married.

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