9/02/2009

running to the edge of the world

"We're running to the
Edge of the world
Running, running away
We're running to the edge of the world
I don't know if the world will end today"

quoting a song to start off a blog. something i always use to do. well another thing i do, if people have not noticed by now, is normally my blog titles are titles of songs...or lyrics from songs. i wonder how many people actually noticed that? ok i wonder how many people even read what i say? lol. see though writing is not about the audience, writing is just what it is...writing what you say or feel regardless of if people read it, comment on it, or whatnot. i know i tell people leave me comments and this and that but eh i dont expect it. im doing what i love and i dont need people commenting on every word i say. kinda defeats the purpose of writing.

anyways...writing again so soon. geez people might actually begin to believe i actually do like to write after all. always alot on my mind though sometimes i cant always put it down into writing and if i did id probably end up pissing off the vast majority of people that know me. ok maybe not true. my thoughts are all jumbled so this blog is turning out to be jumbled.

i chose the lyrics to begin my journal cause its a song by marilyn manson i like. "running to the edge of the world". nice slower manson song. not taking into account the lyrics from the song itself or the meaning of the song but dont u just wish u could run away to a far away place? away from all the pains and sorrows of everyday life? away from people you dislike? people you hate? a place maybe like a high cliff overlooking the ocean or mountains or whatever. maybe be by yourself or with someone whom you love or someone you are really close to. someone you cherish or someone you really relate to. i think you all get where im going with this. it would be nice to stand on the edge of this cliff and smile and just forget all the bullshit in life. take it the beauty surrounding you. take in life. i think this is what we are meant to do. not so much forget all of the troubles we have. not forget the pain and the suffering. not forget about your life in general but to embrace everything we have gone through and to say you know its ok i can still find that cliff throughout everything and enjoy life the way we are meant to. i know everything i say is easier said then done but think about it. is life ever really impossible to deal with that we can not go to this cliff and take it all in and just enjoy the simple fact that we are alive.

i cant say my life is perfect. i cant say i do what i should be doing. i still suck at taking care of myself and doing what i need to. im lucky though. i have good people in my life. i have people that care about and love me. that is sometimes just enough to make me want to get through the day. even if i fall i know i can get up again. if i go off course at times that is ok. who doesnt go off course from time to time? i'm thankful to be alive...and that to me is more important then anything else.

slowly beginning job hunting again. christ i havent worked in nearly 4 years. that is a long time. but damn do i want to get out there again. get some money. have a life again. oh my god a life? nick with a life? is that even possible? with a job i can get health insurance and i can get myself fixed a bit. yay. that way i can truly reach my goal of living to 150. why would i want to live to 150? i dunno. just sounded like a good number. anyways wish me luck with the job thing.

so this past weekend we had a family get together and i actually cooked dinner for everyone. this is something i had never done previously. stuffed shells though are easy. i spent 3 hours stuffing shells. i did regular cheese filled, meat filled, chicken filled, and then i tried ham ones. let me say the shells were a success. everyone loved them quite a bit. people took some home for leftovers. i was happy. the get together was alot of fun too. my nephews are really into star wars. they have so many of those toy lightsabers. kendzierski family light saber fights ftw. highlight though was me lightsaber fighting with my nephew johnny. he is almost 4. he gets all mad like at me and says "im gonnna get you poopdick". i spent the next minute or so dying laughing. good times though...good times.

back in the day before i discovered MMOs and when i wasnt busy from working and whatnot this is exactly what i did. id kick back, talk to some people online, listen to music and write. writing bout random stuff or writing important stuff, it didnt matter. all that mattered was that i was writing. jumbled pieces of crap or meaningful pieces of crap i was writing. for someone such as me that is important and maybe now im finally getting back to what is important. thank god. well until the next MMO sucks me in at least. =P

3 comments:

  1. Awesome blog Nick.. very good and I am commenting because you finially said we didnt have too!! lol ♥
    Amber

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  2. omg woman...wtf! that makes me sad you would do that. ok well not really but yeah! wtf!

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  3. Heeey, nicks got a nice gentile side... and likes mushy family get togethers <3 super sweLL! Man i want a light saber! Me and my nephews wrestle and shoot zombies.. >_> ooh yeah!

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